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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect food to be provided for my child when friends invite him out for the day?

184 replies

ScarlettDarling · 05/05/2014 17:06

Ds just returned from a day out with his best friend and family for a walk and picnic in woods. They picked him up this morn and i sent him off with a rucksack with his wellies etc in,and gave the mother a 10note to buy the kids ice creams . She's just returned him now saying 'its just as well u sent that tenner ...u forgot to pack his packed lunch! We used the tenner to buy him some chips from the van!' Now, when they invited him for a picnic AIBU to expect they would provide the picnic for Ds, not just themselves?! I've fed their son hundreds of times! Can't believe they couldn't spare him a sarnie ! And they didn't buy any ice creams with the tenner, just the chips, and i didn't get any change! Not that i would ever have expected change, but really, AIBU??

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2013 · 05/05/2014 19:34

Shock YANBU. They invited your ds for a walk and a picnic - you asked what he needed and they didn't say food so you correctly assumed the picnic they made would include food for your ds!

You were kind giving the £10 for ice creams (I'd have done similar) but for them to use that to buy your ds the very expensive chips and no ice creams is really not on!

Your poor ds - he must have felt awful when they asked where his lunch was Sad

thebodylovesspring · 05/05/2014 19:38

Well exactly. If you ask a child out then you pay for that child and if they are guests you provide the food. Just mean.

If you are expecting the parent to pay then you have the conversation with the parent before hand and not penalise a child.

MrsKoala · 05/05/2014 19:39

I would be very cross about this and would have said something the moment she said you forgot the pack lunch. I would have said 'what do you mean 'forgot' a picnic IS the food aspect of the day, if you invite someone on a picnic that means it is the food you are inviting them too Confused '. I mean you wouldn't invite them for dinner and not provide food. You may expect a bottle of wine as a contribution, but that's what the tenner was, a contribution.

To those saying they would have checked, I would not have. It wouldn't occur to me in a month of Sundays that someone would not provide food. They sound awful and yes I'd have no problem ending a friendship over this. It is indicative of a very mean spirited nature.

thebodylovesspring · 05/05/2014 19:40

Giles yes and in my experience the most hard up are the least mean.

In my nieces case they were Definatly not poor.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 19:41

She asked! 'You forgot his packed lunch.' 'You forgot to tell me he needed one when I asked what he needed. But as a poke of chips doesn't cost a tenner, let's say £8 change and call it even,' and then hold out your hand.

Stingy cow!

MammaTJ · 05/05/2014 19:43

I would have assumed they would have provided food as well. I would assume if I was the one doing the inviting, then I would be providing food too.

There was one notable exception in the past. DD1, who is now 19, had a friend who was very very fussy. Her mum would pack her her own picnic, but she would also be free to help herself to the bits of our picnic she fancied too.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 19:44

'Giles yes and in my experience the most hard up are the least mean.'

Yeah, they tend to be quite embarrassed and wouldn't invite out if couldn't provide a picnic (cheap).

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 19:45

I hope your DN never had to step foot in their house again. Who the hell begrudges a child a slice of pizza. Ffs.

Either things are a "group event" and everyone arranges what they are going to bring and make sure it's enough for everyone or it's an invitation and people just send the kids.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 05/05/2014 19:50

So basically if yoy had not given the uce cream money, your ds would have been hungry all day watching them eat. It amazes me that they were prepared to let him watch them eat & not share their food with him.

I just came back from a picnic today with four other families & we all shared each others food because that's what you do at a picnic. If somebody turned up empty handed, it wouldn't have occured to me not to share my food as it's part of the shared communal experience.

DownstairsMixUp · 05/05/2014 19:51

So rude! I wouldn't ditch them as the kids still want to be friends but agree if you have the son over Friday, ask them to pack his dinner if that's how they do things! What a bloody cheek!

thebodylovesspring · 05/05/2014 19:56

Oh no dn never slept there again.

I think it's so out of normal people's remit to not feed a child or not to show care for a child that when it happens you are just stumped to deal with it.

So bloody mean op.

ChocolateWombat · 05/05/2014 19:59

I am surprised by how fast people on here are to say 'ditch the friend' or retaliate by demanding food next time friend comes over.
Do we all cast out our friends immediately they do something we don't like? Don't we ever give them them the benefit of the doubt? People do things differently. We might expect to feed a child on a picnic, but this person clearly expected a packed lunch to be sent. There was a miscommunication. Isn't it worth just putting it down to that and giving the benefit of the doubt about the change having been forgotten?

People do rude things. Do we cut everyone off who is a bit rude. I expect we are all a bit rude sometimes or come across in a way people don't like, but hope people might cut us some slack.

If these kind of things persist, despite clear communication, I might reappraise the friendship, but I am amazed how many posters here advise the OP to end the friendship or retaliate based on a few details of one event.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 20:02

Well, IMO any consideration for a miscommunication went out the window once they spent the rest of the money. And not on the ice creams it was meant for.

What did it go on, if not chips. Ergo they not only invited him and refused to feed him but they used his money to feed themselves too.

Caitlin17 · 05/05/2014 20:04

Good grief. Unless your child was spectacularly fussy or had dietary requirements I couldn't cope with not only would I have fed him but your tenner would have been returned unbroken. Actually you'd have got the tenner back in all events.

NearTheWindymill · 05/05/2014 20:05

Even if there was a misunderstanding over the lunch (and I would have taken enough for guests in any event) the family should have shared their picnic with your DS and bought some chips to stretch what they had for everyone AND they should have bought ice creams for the children from the money they were given.

They sound as though they have limited common sense and social skills.

Did your DS have a nice time though? That's the crux of it I think.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 20:06

'Do we all cast out our friends immediately they do something we don't like? Don't we ever give them them the benefit of the doubt?'

A) this person is not the OP's friend B) She asked what he'd need. C) When does a poke of chips cost a tenner? D) No one but a stingy git would behave like this.

What's to lose? A mean, niggardly cow.

ChocolateWombat · 05/05/2014 20:07

Yes they did behave badly not to share the lunch.
Is this one mistake enough to end the friendship or to retaliate over though?

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 20:08

The OP is not friends with the person.

I'd not retaliate, but it would be the last time my child went out with them. Mistake, my arse.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/05/2014 20:08

I don't see how it's a miscommunication if the OP asked if her DS needed anything and the only thing they said was wellies. If they meant food, they should have said food.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 20:09

That's not a mistake, that is downright ugly. I'd go without food myself to feed that child if we didn't have enough. That is what decent people do. And certainly would not have kept all the money.

ChocolateWombat · 05/05/2014 20:09

Sorry, but I just think that taking offence quickly and easily cause us more problems than the person we are offended with. Cest la vie. There's not so queer as folks. We can all rub along together. Or, by being the bigger person and behaving I. The decent way towards her child, you can show by example, what is a generous way to behave.

LurkAndLearn · 05/05/2014 20:10

You're right expat, it is incredibly ugly behaviour.

ThatsAStupidUsername · 05/05/2014 20:11

Wow, that's awful. You would have thought his friend would have shared with him even if the parents were too mean too. Confused

If you are invited for a picnic you are invited for FOOD. It's the same as inviting friends for dinner.

thebodylovesspring · 05/05/2014 20:12

For me meaness towards a child is just unforgivable.

Like caitlin I too would have returned the tenner unused.

I can get meanness to other adults,although I don't like it,but to a child, no that's nasty.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 20:12

Offense?! They would have left that kid with no food! They kept a tenner to buy him a poke of chips (hardly enough food for a kid all day).

If you don't get offended by something as completely mean-spirited as that, honestly!

LOL at the 'bigger person' malarkey. The OP has said nothing to this person regarding their absolutely atrocious behaviour.

But hey, now you know, OP. Don't send your kid out with them again!

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