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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect food to be provided for my child when friends invite him out for the day?

184 replies

ScarlettDarling · 05/05/2014 17:06

Ds just returned from a day out with his best friend and family for a walk and picnic in woods. They picked him up this morn and i sent him off with a rucksack with his wellies etc in,and gave the mother a 10note to buy the kids ice creams . She's just returned him now saying 'its just as well u sent that tenner ...u forgot to pack his packed lunch! We used the tenner to buy him some chips from the van!' Now, when they invited him for a picnic AIBU to expect they would provide the picnic for Ds, not just themselves?! I've fed their son hundreds of times! Can't believe they couldn't spare him a sarnie ! And they didn't buy any ice creams with the tenner, just the chips, and i didn't get any change! Not that i would ever have expected change, but really, AIBU??

OP posts:
MrsDiesel · 05/05/2014 18:48

I wouldn't dream of inviting a child out and not feeding them. It just wouldn't occur to me. I have never sent my children anywhere with a packed lunch either.

softlysoftly · 05/05/2014 18:53

I would probably have checked if he needed to bring his own yet wouldn't expect to take tea. Odd but that's picnic etiquette to me.

However as the other parent I would have replied that I would pack for him and ask what he liked.

And if I had hit a miscommunication I would have shared out the picnic between them and added bought items from my own money if necessary.

I don't think they were massively U not doing a picnic but not sharing and using all your cash on a portion of chips is Shock Hmm

You HAVE to give them a price for the pizza on the upcoming sleepover!

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 18:57

Wow! I would cut this 'friend' lose pronto. Stingy beyond belief!! What a wanky thing to do. A sandwich, a bag of crisps, a few biscuits, piece of fruit, a couple of juice cartons. Cannot imagine doing this to a child.

They are twats.

Sorry, but I'd tell her so, too.

fascicle · 05/05/2014 18:58

Well it's great that your son enjoyed his day, despite the food situation. Very strange behaviour from the family, and very unkind to treat a guest any differently to their own children.

Floggingmolly · 05/05/2014 19:00

They spent your tenner on chips for everyone, having not had the grace to spare him a sandwich from their picnic! Shock
Tell them you'll be ordering in pizza on Friday night, and his share will come to £8.

Original poster
ScarlettDarling · 05/05/2014 19:01

Thanks for bothering to reply. I certainly won't be stopping the boys being friends, its not their fault, but I've had my eyes opened to the stingy parents! Yes, i can't believe they couldn't have stretched their picnic to include one more, and like other posters have said, if there really wasn't enough food, id have gone without myself. Im just glad i sent his water bottle or he'd have been very thirsty too! I wouldn't have had a problem at all in sending a packed lunch if they'd asked but it honestly didn't occur to me. And actually , i did ask what he'd need and i was told wellies and a change of trousers as they'd be pledging in the stream...no mention of taking grub!

OP posts:
Original poster
ScarlettDarling · 05/05/2014 19:01

Plodging. Not pledging !

OP posts:
Coconutty · 05/05/2014 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 19:06

No more sending him out with them. They are mean-spirited fucks.

I'd have said something.

Lottiedoubtie · 05/05/2014 19:07

Tell them you'll be ordering in pizza on Friday night, and his share will come to £8.

Are you mad? His share will be at least £10 AND don't tell them just starve him if he doesn't ring his pocket money Wink Grin

BMW6 · 05/05/2014 19:07

Tell them you'll be ordering in pizza on Friday night, and his share will come to £8.

This.

hippo123 · 05/05/2014 19:07

I would have checked to be honest and even if the other parent said they would provide all the food I would have out some nice cakes or something into share. Sounds like a big miscommunication to me. No worth falling out over surely? Maybe she just forgot to give you the change from the chip money?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 19:11

God how little of the picnic was there that they couldn't spare a stick of carrot a sandwich and a sausage roll.

If it was last minute then fine, tell the parent you might not have enough and then they an do a whip round.

But to invite him along and leave him hungry is bloody mean. I'd have gone without to feed the kids.

How selfish.

Floggingmolly · 05/05/2014 19:11

I was being generous allowing two quid for the chips, Lottie Grin

OnlyLovers · 05/05/2014 19:16

You asked what he'd need and they didn't say food. They had their chance.

You need to see the parents face to face, or ring them (I think texts and emails lend themselves sometimes to further misreadings/misinterpretations of meaning and tone etc). Tell them that when you were told to pack his wellies and trousers you assumed that was literally all and that he'd be included in the picnic; if they didn't intend to then they could have asked you to pack a lunch for him. Also ask how come some chips cost £10. And I'd be tempted to say that, although you don't want the boys not to be friends any more, you'll be rethinking the terms on which their son socialises with him –starting with the sleepover, for which they can send him with some food or give you the cost of a pizza.

They're just taking the piss.

DotToDott · 05/05/2014 19:16

I think that's mean- if i invited a child on a picnic i would provide the picnic, or if it was last minute and i really didn't have anything spare, i'd say to the parent not just assume.

in any bloody case, as an adult i would have given the kid some of my own lunch so they could join the picnic, not made do with chips.

mean mean mean.

ChocolateWombat · 05/05/2014 19:17

I would put the food thing down to miscommunication and the change thing down to forgetting to return it.
Don't dwell on it. These people are your friends. Give them the benefit of the doubt, that they were simply having a bit of an off day, communicate really fully in future and MOVE ON. Don't let this one incident become something you brood about and allow resentment to build over. Tomorrow is another day and you can all be friends.

thebodylovesspring · 05/05/2014 19:18

Never ceases to amaze me how nasty and selfish some people are.

Of course you treat all the children the same way.

Odd and I hate meaness.

You know now op.

I remember my sil being furious as my neice went to a sleepover where they ordered pizza. This hadn't been mentioned at all and the family didn't let her have a slice as she hadn't brought money.

She was given water and toast!! Unbelievable.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 19:23

She asked what he needed.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 19:24

Seriously thebody Shock

How much pizza does a small child eat?? Not one spare slice? What greedy selfish bastards.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 19:24

'I remember my sil being furious as my neice went to a sleepover where they ordered pizza. This hadn't been mentioned at all and the family didn't let her have a slice as she hadn't brought money.

She was given water and toast!! Unbelievable.'

Shock
SauvignonBlanche · 05/05/2014 19:25

That's awful, your poor DN!

thebodylovesspring · 05/05/2014 19:27

Giles honestly I know. You can't get your head around it can you. She was very upset too as only 9 at the time.
Just vile.

Op I really would ring them up and chat about it as this would make me seethe.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 19:31

:( beggars belief. Even if money was an issue for the family as a whole surely they could have had the toast and given their slices to the child?

Wonder how many others had to sit there with frickin toast while their friends "in the know" stuffed their faces.

What do people do in emergencies? Leave their extra charges starving because in all the rush they didn't shove a tenner in their hands when dropping them off?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 19:34

Although if money was an issue why not take the pizza money and go get a load of supermarket ones and feed everyone

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