AIBU to expect food to be provided for my child when friends invite him out for the day?

[ScarlettDarling]

Ds just returned from a day out with his best friend and family for a walk and picnic in woods. They picked him up this morn and i sent him off with a rucksack with his wellies etc in,and gave the mother a 10note to buy the kids ice creams . She's just returned him now saying 'its just as well u sent that tenner ...u forgot to pack his packed lunch! We used the tenner to buy him some chips from the van!' Now, when they invited him for a picnic AIBU to expect they would provide the picnic for Ds, not just themselves?! I've fed their son hundreds of times! Can't believe they couldn't spare him a sarnie ! And they didn't buy any ice creams with the tenner, just the chips, and i didn't get any change! Not that i would ever have expected change, but really, AIBU??

Sorry, but I wouldn't send my child out for the day with theses people again.

I'd expect to cater for any child we invited out.

For one thing it prevents squabbles and is a lot nicer if everyone shares the same food, a picnic is a picnic, a packed lunch is not a picnic.

I too would have done what the OP did and sent DD with a tenner for ice cream.

You don't want to rock the boat which is understandable but how is your child going to feel now about someone he thought was his friend unless he can see it was the parents in the wrong?

I wouldn't want to say anything either but I wouldn't allow him to go on days out again.

Obviously most people wouldn't judging by this thread, but in my experience, if you say "we're going for a picnic, would your dc like to come too" then unless explicitly said otherwise, you'd expect to pack a lunch for your own dc.

I've had this situation many times, and it's always been expected unless it's a birthday picnic, which is different.

I suspect most people are now going to tell me how mean we are but that's the way things are done round here among the people I know. So if that's what you're used to, I can imagine it being a nasty moment to find they haven't got a lunch. And if you take one to a cafe to buy lunch, then all would want to go, changing a cheap day out into an expensive one.

If I was doing a picnic for my family I tend to do them all in their own lunch boxes anyway as it gives them a box to eat over and saves the fussing round trying to sort out who has ham with mustard and who doesn't, and which is the chocolate spread, and which is the marmite. So it wouldn't be everyone sharing except the visitor.

Yanbu at all how rude. I would not send him again. They should have stipulated beforehand it was bring your own!

Asking him to join them for a picnic is no different to inviting someone over for tea - you wouldn't even think you would have to bring your own.
Wouldn't have crossed my mind to ask either.

YANBU and those parents are just odd.

DeWee, that's fair enough and I don't think you're mean, but obviously you and your group already KNOW that that's what's meant by a picnic invite. The problem here was that the OP asked what she should send with her son, which was the moment for the other parent to say 'Apart from his lunch? Wellies' or something.

There's another point too, which is that this parent claims to have spent £10 on chips for one child and no ice creams. Which sounds pretty dubious to me.

Exactly, £10 on chips . Yes it us similar to inviting a child for tea, you don't expect them to bring their own. If a child does, it has to be said beforehand

I totally agree LaQueen, you said how I feel

I'd certainly ask for the change.

They bought one portion of chips supposedly!

So had you sent no money they would have scoffed a picnic in front of him [shocked] Some people are beyond weird. YADNBU.

The point is though LaQueen that it is the kids that are friends and the kids haven't done anything wrong being as they are...ermm...kids

OP YADNBU - I feel all outraged on your behalf!

I fail to see how it's any different from inviting someone round for tea, you feed them, you don't expect them to bring your own food.

I can't imagine how awful it must be to watch and realise you aren't getting a share of the picnic. And who doesn't over pack for a picnic anyway?

I agree with LaQueen. Plus is want to know where that tenner went. Chips do not cost £10!

'Also, they had a picnic FFS...how can you have a picnic, and there not be surplus sandwiches, or nibbles, or a cake or two going spare???'

This.

We are working poor and so invite the kids friends for things like picnics and to parks and National Trust places where we have memberships expressly because in this way it's very easy to make sure all the children have plenty to eat and drink.

Is that not just normal, decent behaviour?

'Would X like to come with us to Y castle for the day? We will be brining a picnic lunch and nibbles, does X have any allergies or dietary requirements we need to know about? What types of picnic food and drinks does X like?' It's hardly a meal at Les Quatres Saisons!

I mean, WTF?!

Do they charge for suncream to put on him if it's a hot day and they are sweating a lot? Plasters and Germolene if he falls and skins his knee? For use of an extra baseball cap to keep his face out of the sun?

I would just not send my child with them for days out anymore. TBH, I'm more with LeQueen, I would be worried to send him out with them at all because their behaviour shows a real lack of care for him and his well-being.

Yanbu. Who would expect a child to bring his own packed lunch to a picnic, ridiculous!

I agree with expat and LaQueen. It's awful

There's a lot of umbrage on this thread... I really would want to talk to the other women about what she expected & where that £10 went.

It may be as bad as it sounds or there may be some missing details.

My problem is that I would have brought the wrong type of sarnies so other people's kids would refuse to eat them.

Agree about less well off being less mean. Ds had two friends over for his birthday. The poorer one gave much more money. Same with wedding gifts. Poorer cousins gave much more than the rich barristers.
Although ds used his own money to buy everyoneice cream and we provided a whole pizza per child.

Yanbu, very strange people.