To be upset that DH has ruined today with his bad mood?

[sharkshorts]

DH sometimes gets in a bad mood if he is tired. He can't seem to accept that sometimes tiredness is part and parcel of being an adult/parent and that sometimes you just have to get on with it.

He worked yesterday. Admittedly it was quite a long day, but he got home at 6pm in a foul mood because he was tired, so I was quite relieved when he went to bed at 9. He had about 12 hours sleep as I got up with our youngest child this morning.

We'd planned a family day out today to an adventure-type park. The DCs have been looking forward to it. When DH got up this morning it was obvious that he was in a bad mood still, so I offered to take the kids by myself if he was still tired and grumpy. But no, he insisted on coming.

He has spent the whole day acting like a big child; giving one word answers, pulling faces when he doesn't like the sound of something, ignoring the kids and I when we spoke to him. He got in a right old strop at one point because I asked him to hold DS's drink whilst I helped DS off a slide. You could cut the atmosphere in the car on the way home with a knife...

We got home, and I said to DH that it wasn't fair to take his bad mood out on the DCs and I, and then of course I got it in the neck and now he is in a worse mood because of "my attitude". A few minutes ago he stomped off upstairs and shut the bedroom door, presumably for a sleep, of course leaving me with all the childcare etc, without even telling me that he was going up!

We were going to go out for tea tonight but DH said when we got back that he didn't want to and basically fired off a list of things that he does want, so I'm guessing he is expecting me to take the kids off to the supermarket to get the things, then prepare tea.

I hate it when he is in these moods; my own father was extremely moody and when DH behaves this way it casts a cloud on my day. I was so looking forward to a nice family day out, having fun, and now I feel that he has ruined it.

My Dad has mellowed since retirement so thankfully rarely has those spells anymore. As a child I was always the one to tackle him, a blue mist used to descend before my eyes when he took a sulk. I really don't think he understood how the whole house would feel strangulated by the air of tension.

But yes, we always felt a sense of 'wahey, he's back in a good mood' even though it would annoy me (and the rest of my family I'm sure) that the whole house had to indulge his whim.

I love a good blazing row, I just can't stand sulkers!

itiswhatitiswhatitis maybe it's worthwhile speaking to your Dad and telling him that your kids are intimidated by his moods. Might that shock him into changing his behaviour?

So what are you going to do?
Put up with it?
Or get rid?

This man won't change. I know that because my dad was the same. My childhood was littered with days out spoiled by everyone having to tiptoe round him because he clearly didn't want to be there. Everyone nervously glancing at his face, checking the emotional weather, hoping against hope he'd cheer up and just enjoy being with us.

Guess what sort of man I ended up with a tendency to go for?! Not now though, thankfully.

Your poor children. Take it from me, it's horrible. Are you going to carry on exposing them to him and his shittiness?

Squoosh I cannot ever imagine being able to have that conversation with my dad! We not a family that ever really talked about anything.

Besides I think he knows exactly what he's doing because he goes into hyper cheerful mode shortly after.

medic I think it does. If he's been at work all week and in his case on a Sunday too this might not be the fun - filled treat OP thinks it is. I don't recall husband and I doing family days out on bank holiday Mondays.

Sorry, but I don't think this is an excuse. My husband works and has always worked in a demanding job with long hours and for many years he was the sole earner. He loves going out at the weekend with the family. I hate the phrase, but it is quality time together.

Of course everyone needs time to relax, but isn't spending a day out with your wife and children relaxing?

Can't stand moody people.

My dad was a king of sulking but he never took it out on the kids. It was my mum that bore the brunt of him giving the silent treatment.

He stopped when he found out he had cancer. I reckon he decided life was too short to spend it not talking to someone and being miserable.

If you have the misfortune to have one of these sulkers, leave MN open on this thread and let them read how they are perceived. Might give them a kick up the backside to stop behaving like children.

itiswhatitis yes, my father used to do that. The hyper cheerful mode after he'd spent 30 minutes shouting at you and calling you stupid and being horrible. Then he'd flip into Mr Cheerful and expect you to smile and be pleasant when all you wanted to do was crawl under the bed and hide and cry. And if you didn't become cheerful and pleasant immediately, then he was back in a mood and it was even worse.

Itiswhatitis

After a particularly horrendous holiday where he got in an arse on the first day which lasted the entire holiday despite everyone asking him what was wrong etc (all culminating in him "accidentally" locking us out for the night and not apologising) I called him on it.

We'd driven back in silence and as my DM was upstairs he started with the whole "well, I don't know what I've done wrong bit and just told him straight that had the situation been reversed he would have expected grovelling apologies for days on end from all of us yet he couldn't even muster up a basic sorry and instead had been angry and moody with us. It was the first (and up until now, the last) time I have ever spoken so frankly with and I think in that moment he realised I wasn't going to put up with his behaviour the way my DM and DSis did/do.

He apologised and he's never tried that bullshit on me again. Though he's still like it with the rest of the family.

It was hard though and up until that point I'd never dreamed of speaking up for myself- now I can't imagine who that person ever was!

The longest my DF stayed in one of his moods with my DM. Was 3 months. Three fucking months! And my DM would ask what was wrong etc and he'd just dismiss her. Personally I wouldn't have bothered asking and told him to get his act together and stop being so fucking pathetic, but hey ho.

And it was all because he'd heard half of a conversation and got the wrong end of the stick. He could've simply asked for clarity or raised it with my DM but no, it's much better to sulk for months on end, barely talking, playing the fucking martyr. And that is exactly what Op's DH has done. He had the option not to go, he didn't even have to agree to it in the first place, and yet he did because he wanted to take his shit out on his family.

Why should it follow that a sole earner worker harder or longer than two working parents or a sahm. In fact the sole earner is probably in a better position than the others as presumably he won't have to juggle school runs with work ordo 50 % of the hhousework and childcare as tbe sahm will be picking up the bulk of it.
Ok a sahm with school aged dc will be less stressed but not with younger dc and the op also works.
Ieven if they are working long hours than it is all the more reason to want to spend time with your children when not working.

Oh no doubt he'll be Mr Tired when he gets back from his work trip at the weekend. I've just this moment made plans to meet a friend on Sunday though for all-day shopping and wine consumption in anticipation of his mood!

^
Please tell me you stuck to your guns.