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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that DH has ruined today with his bad mood?

212 replies

sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 16:39

DH sometimes gets in a bad mood if he is tired. He can't seem to accept that sometimes tiredness is part and parcel of being an adult/parent and that sometimes you just have to get on with it.

He worked yesterday. Admittedly it was quite a long day, but he got home at 6pm in a foul mood because he was tired, so I was quite relieved when he went to bed at 9. He had about 12 hours sleep as I got up with our youngest child this morning.

We'd planned a family day out today to an adventure-type park. The DCs have been looking forward to it. When DH got up this morning it was obvious that he was in a bad mood still, so I offered to take the kids by myself if he was still tired and grumpy. But no, he insisted on coming.

He has spent the whole day acting like a big child; giving one word answers, pulling faces when he doesn't like the sound of something, ignoring the kids and I when we spoke to him. He got in a right old strop at one point because I asked him to hold DS's drink whilst I helped DS off a slide. You could cut the atmosphere in the car on the way home with a knife...

We got home, and I said to DH that it wasn't fair to take his bad mood out on the DCs and I, and then of course I got it in the neck and now he is in a worse mood because of "my attitude". A few minutes ago he stomped off upstairs and shut the bedroom door, presumably for a sleep, of course leaving me with all the childcare etc, without even telling me that he was going up!

We were going to go out for tea tonight but DH said when we got back that he didn't want to and basically fired off a list of things that he does want, so I'm guessing he is expecting me to take the kids off to the supermarket to get the things, then prepare tea.

I hate it when he is in these moods; my own father was extremely moody and when DH behaves this way it casts a cloud on my day. I was so looking forward to a nice family day out, having fun, and now I feel that he has ruined it.

OP posts:
Thattimeofyearagain · 05/05/2014 17:03

Fgs, my dh once came down with flu on a day out (REAL flu, not manflu) but struggled on so that he didn't ruin anyone's day( until I realised he had a temp of 104Shock). Your dh sounds like a spoilt man-child.

Whattheduck · 05/05/2014 17:04

Go out and have a nice tea with your dc's or get a takeaway.leave him to get his own food when he's grown up

NickiFury · 05/05/2014 17:05

I would be taking my dc out to tea myself and ignoring his pathetic and childish behaviour. How often does this happen? Any more than a couple of times a year and I would be considering my future with him.

Original poster
sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 17:06

I'd say it happens maybe once every 2 or 3 months, Nicki

OP posts:
PollyCazaletWannabe · 05/05/2014 17:06

That sounds awful OP- so tiresome! I have moods where I snap at people and give one-word answers. They last 10 minutes before I catch hold of myself and snap out of it. A whole day? Grumbling because he was asked to hold his own child's drink? Fuck that.

OnlyLovers · 05/05/2014 17:07

What a child. Take the kids out and tell him you're out for tea and he can shift for himself.

And he worked til 6pm yesterday? Diddums. I worked til about 8pm yesterday, I did not get 12 hours' sleep last night and I'm working again today, but somehow I've managed not to give people one word answers, pull faces, ignore or strop at people.

He needs to grow up. In future, if he gets up in a foul mood and insists on coming along to something, I'd just say 'No, because you behaved so badly last time it cast a shadow for the rest of us.'

Rhine · 05/05/2014 17:08

My mum is like this OP, she has terrible moods and if she is one for whatever reason she takes it out on everyone else. Don't let him dictate the emotional atmosphere.

NickiFury · 05/05/2014 17:11

Is he generally supportive and kind the rest of the time? Does he work away much? Is that what prevents you all from being his emotional punch bags more often? I would say to him next time he pulls this "why don't you just f*ck off with your miserable face and consider your future with us because right now I am considering mine with you and it's not looking good". I know I would say that because my ex was similar and I did say that to him. We are not together now funnily enough.

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 05/05/2014 17:12

Enjoy your meal out! And seriously consider your future with this excuse for a man.

I suspect there is more to it than supposed tiredness.

CoreyTrevorLahey · 05/05/2014 17:18

I hate moody behaviour too. It leaches joy from everything else. Do just go out with the kids on your own or get a takeaway. Get something nice you'll enjoy too.

That will show him that his moodiness doesn't get 'results', if you get me.

littleblackno · 05/05/2014 17:20

I had one like this. I swapped him for cats! When they get stroppy I throw them out the back door.

I can be really grumpy when I'm tired but I'm an adult, stuff still needs to happen, I really have to control it and be aware not to take it out on anyone else.

Sparrowlegs248 · 05/05/2014 17:20

My DH had ruined the whole weekend with his mood, which started friday evening. It could probably have been done with by satuday night but I am fed up of pandering to him so its up to him to make amends. Which he is just starting to do......

Its exhausting to be honest.

Hope you have a nice tea out with the children.

Nennypops · 05/05/2014 17:22

How is it if you shout back? I used to act the pacifist when dh was bad-tempered, which never really worked. However, once I was so pissed off at the way the kids were having to suffer for his irrational bad temper that I told him he was acting nonsensically in blaming them for something that was not their fault. As he drew breath to start shouting at me, I cut him off by saying firmly "And you DON'T shout at me either, I'm not having it, and I'm not here for you to take your bad temper out on." He was completely taken aback and, after slinking off for a sulk, seemed to snap out of it. Since then, I find sounding like a very firm teacher/nanny works pretty well most of the time.

JeggingsHateMe · 05/05/2014 17:22

Take your lovely DC out for tea and ice cream and leave him home alone to fester in his own bitter aura!

Original poster
sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 17:22

I felt so down when we were out as there were so many dads there having fun with their kids, and being hands on. then there was DH like a surly Kevin the teenager...

OP posts:
FrancesNiadova · 05/05/2014 17:24

Shark, that's really considerate of you. You could tell he was tired earlier & not enjoying the day out that you had lovingly planned & your ch had so looked forward to. So, to do him a favour, you've taken yourself & the ch out to give him some miserable sod quiet time.
He should be thanking you for putting him first. Oh, his shopping list? Well, the shops open Sunday hours on a bank holiday & are closed now. Perhaps he could get it tomorrow on his way home Wink
Remember to have Cake and Wine

JeggingsHateMe · 05/05/2014 17:25

Sad that's such a sad way to spend your day op. I'm genuinely sad for you. You really don't deserve this and your DC definitely don't.

Fairylea · 05/05/2014 17:27

My second husband was exactly like this. He once ruined a weekend away by moaning the entire time and on the second day basically went to bed and stayed in while I carried on for dd doing all the activities.

We divorced a year later.

I'm not saying you should leave him but you absolutely cannot put up with this behaviour. It's quite controlling and abusive actually because it makes you feel like shit and makes you feel you have to change your behaviour. Don't. He is an arse.

HolidayArmadillo · 05/05/2014 17:28

I bet he managed to keep his moodiness to himself when he's away with work. He sounds like a cock.

Original poster
sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 17:29

Oh yes, if he's talking to anyone else there's not a hint of moodiness. It's only me that has to put up with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 17:30

He's just got up and is talking in the kind of voice that someone speaks in when they've been asleep for hours, all mumbly and uncommunicative

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/05/2014 17:32

Has he always been like this?

I knew a couple where they were always a bit "quarrelly"with one another,then for around a year he became sulllen, cross and huffy on and off. To the pointof kicking visitors out of the house etc. My parents knew them well too. My Dmum kept saying "he is hiding something. Thats the secrets amd lies causing that". She never said anything to the wife, yet not long after the kicking us out episode an affair was unearthed.

Might there possibly be the chance he is hiding something? (not necessarily an affair)

Itsfab · 05/05/2014 17:33

You are right, tiredness a lot of the time is part and parcel of being a parent and it can last long beyond the night feeds.

I had depression but I didn't treat people like a twat. I doubt very much your husband has depression, sharkshorts, I think is has got an inflated opinion of himself. He didn't want you all out having fun without him so went too and decided to exert his perceived power by showing he can ruin your day. Bad enough to do it to you but doing it to the children is unforgivable.

Now, why are you still here? get yourself out for tea and DO NOT tell him you are going. And no bringing a take away back for him either or waking him when you get in. Let the poor lamb sleep and when he wakes at 3am wide awake tell him to fuck off if he wakes you.

OnlyLovers · 05/05/2014 17:33

Ignore him.

Then bugger off out with the kids and have a lovely time. Grin

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 05/05/2014 17:35

Please don't let him join you for tea out, he will just ruin for you.