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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset that DH has ruined today with his bad mood?

212 replies

sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 16:39

DH sometimes gets in a bad mood if he is tired. He can't seem to accept that sometimes tiredness is part and parcel of being an adult/parent and that sometimes you just have to get on with it.

He worked yesterday. Admittedly it was quite a long day, but he got home at 6pm in a foul mood because he was tired, so I was quite relieved when he went to bed at 9. He had about 12 hours sleep as I got up with our youngest child this morning.

We'd planned a family day out today to an adventure-type park. The DCs have been looking forward to it. When DH got up this morning it was obvious that he was in a bad mood still, so I offered to take the kids by myself if he was still tired and grumpy. But no, he insisted on coming.

He has spent the whole day acting like a big child; giving one word answers, pulling faces when he doesn't like the sound of something, ignoring the kids and I when we spoke to him. He got in a right old strop at one point because I asked him to hold DS's drink whilst I helped DS off a slide. You could cut the atmosphere in the car on the way home with a knife...

We got home, and I said to DH that it wasn't fair to take his bad mood out on the DCs and I, and then of course I got it in the neck and now he is in a worse mood because of "my attitude". A few minutes ago he stomped off upstairs and shut the bedroom door, presumably for a sleep, of course leaving me with all the childcare etc, without even telling me that he was going up!

We were going to go out for tea tonight but DH said when we got back that he didn't want to and basically fired off a list of things that he does want, so I'm guessing he is expecting me to take the kids off to the supermarket to get the things, then prepare tea.

I hate it when he is in these moods; my own father was extremely moody and when DH behaves this way it casts a cloud on my day. I was so looking forward to a nice family day out, having fun, and now I feel that he has ruined it.

OP posts:
KepekCrumbs · 05/05/2014 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 18:02

He just says that he was tired/fed up/being a dick and usually apologises

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 05/05/2014 18:03

Stand your ground -- tell him you 'dare' say it because it's true! He treats you horribly and if he thinks the kids don't notice and don't think him a knob then he's an idiot !!

KepekCrumbs · 05/05/2014 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhine · 05/05/2014 18:03

I agree with BakerStreet, it's definitely done to manipulate and control others. I've always thought this why my mum does it as she switches the sulk on and off depending on who she's talking to or with. It was always the immediate family who felt the full force.

I used to fall for it all the time but now I either ignore it and carry on as normal or tell her to get a grip and stop taking her moods out on the rest of us. The first time I said that I can remember how her chin very nearly hit the floor because I'd dared to stand up to her, but she soon snapped out of it.

People like this are just childish and need to grow the fuck up.

Thattimeofyearagain · 05/05/2014 18:06

Why are you with this emotional vampire, op ?

Topseyt · 05/05/2014 18:09

He sounds like a spoilt brat.

I'd be telling him he had better stop being such an arsewipe.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 05/05/2014 18:11

Please take your DC out for a pizza and leave DH to femd for himself.

His behaviour wS unacceptable, and if he can't see that you have a problem.... Dickish behaviour!

BoffinMum · 05/05/2014 18:12

You need to make it clear to him that his moodiness is a bad habit that has outlived its usefulness.

Sit him down when he is not in a mood, and tell him categorically that this is unacceptable, it takes a toll on you and the family, and you cannot tolerate the moods any longer.

Then in future get on with your own life doing what pleases you, and if he wants to come along, make it clear that he can only do this on condition there is no moodiness.

Nennypops · 05/05/2014 18:13

Next time he apologises, can you talk to him about some sort of strategy to avoid the need for doing so? Can he not agree that if he is in that sort of mood he either takes himself out of the way so that he does not spoil things for everyone else, or maybe that he will accept it if you tell him calmly to behave?

BoffinMum · 05/05/2014 18:14

PS One of my best friends married a very moody man and he was such a git. I was amazed she put up with him. I asked her about it once and she said, "Oh, he gets over it". I could not tolerate the kind of face pulling monosyllabic crap she had to put up with.

Caitlin17 · 05/05/2014 18:15

I'll get flamed for this but is he the sole earner? I'm at home today as it's the bank holiday and have literally done nothing. I'm still in my pyjamas.

My son is all grown up now. Husband and I work and have always worked full time in fairly demanding jobs. The idea of a fun-filled family day out at an adventure park on a bank holiday would have sounded bloody awful to me and husband.

PrincessBabyCat · 05/05/2014 18:19

You guys are most likely just feeding each other's moods whether you realize it or not. Not saying he's right. You're doing the right thing by taking the kids out. You two obviously need a break from each other for a short bit.

I'm just saying, when I'm cranky, my husband gets huffy right back (or ignores me), which just makes me more cranky, and it derails until we're both cranky and irrational. We both made a promise not to go to bed mad at each other and resolve things before sleeping. I swear our neighbors probably think we're nuts sometimes when they hear shouting "You can't go to bed mad at me!" "Well I am!". We work it out though, and the next day is a new day.

Tell him it's not acceptable to take his moods out on you. I tell my husband that if he can't be in a good mood (and I didn't cause the upset), then be quiet and let me do my thing. That usually makes it worse, but I ignore him while he sulks, then when he's ready to talk we talk it out and move on.

WooWooo · 05/05/2014 18:30

Half price food at the Slug and Lettuce?

Sorelip · 05/05/2014 18:35

What an arsehole he is. I hope you and your DCs have a lovely dinner.

Itsfab · 05/05/2014 18:41

If he didn't act like a twat you wouldn't have any attitude. Not that you do. You are just rightly pissed off your husband is being a prat.

Aradia · 05/05/2014 18:41

My dad was like this OP, I refuse to accept the same from DH. His dad was too and when we were first together he tried this shit and justified it in that it was what men/dads did.

I told him that there was no way was I prepared to put up with that crap and to get a grip if he wanted to stay in a relationship.

He's not done it since bar the odd understandable bad mood now and again and even then he doesn't take it out on me or the kids and keeps himself in check.

Tip toeing around him is the worst thing you can do IMO.

medic78 · 05/05/2014 18:57

Not sure why him being the sole earner or not should have any bearing on this.
Hope you had a lovely meal op.
I

rabbitrisen · 05/05/2014 18:57

How many hours does he work a week op?

Caitlin17 · 05/05/2014 19:04

medic I think it does. If he's been at work all week and in his case on a Sunday too this might not be the fun - filled treat OP thinks it is. I don't recall husband and I doing family days out on bank holiday Mondays.

IwinIwin · 05/05/2014 19:08

Wow your DH sounds like a dick. First he refuses to stay at home when you offer, then he's a moody wanker, then he blames you for it as though you forced him out!

I think OP you really need to have this out with him or he's going to continue acting this way for the rest of your relationship, possibly even getting worse. Everyone has 'off' days but if his are always off when tired and always taken out on you and the kids then that's not on. He's making you feel shit just because he does, almost punishing you all for his bad moods. Do you really think that's on?

I agree with Aradia . Don't baby him, don't tip toe around him. If he acts like an idiot roll your eyes and get on with doing your own thing. Don't take his shit and don't let him offload on you and the kids to upset.

He reminds me of my friends dad. Thankfully she's finally told him to jog on, just a shame she wasted so much time on him and tiptoing around him- she's much happier now she's taken back control.

Glitterfeet · 05/05/2014 19:14

I work all week and sometimes organise family days out. Going to a theme park, museum, zoo, or trip to a city is often the last thing I want to do. The tiredness, queues, fighting the crowds, putting up with bickering isn't enjoyable. I do it anyway because I want to do nice and interesting things for my children. Being a adult I go with as much good humour as I can gather together, and try to enjoy the positives.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 05/05/2014 19:15

But Caitlin the day out was planned and agreed and the OP gave him the option of not going. He could have stayed at home but no he came along and spoilt the day for everyone.

Rainbunny · 05/05/2014 19:16

Is this a recent thing or has he always been this way?

Caitlin17 · 05/05/2014 19:20

There's agreed and agreed. He should have stayed at home but that would probably have resulted in criticism too.

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