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Original poster

To be upset that DH has ruined today with his bad mood?

212 replies

sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 16:39

DH sometimes gets in a bad mood if he is tired. He can't seem to accept that sometimes tiredness is part and parcel of being an adult/parent and that sometimes you just have to get on with it.

He worked yesterday. Admittedly it was quite a long day, but he got home at 6pm in a foul mood because he was tired, so I was quite relieved when he went to bed at 9. He had about 12 hours sleep as I got up with our youngest child this morning.

We'd planned a family day out today to an adventure-type park. The DCs have been looking forward to it. When DH got up this morning it was obvious that he was in a bad mood still, so I offered to take the kids by myself if he was still tired and grumpy. But no, he insisted on coming.

He has spent the whole day acting like a big child; giving one word answers, pulling faces when he doesn't like the sound of something, ignoring the kids and I when we spoke to him. He got in a right old strop at one point because I asked him to hold DS's drink whilst I helped DS off a slide. You could cut the atmosphere in the car on the way home with a knife...

We got home, and I said to DH that it wasn't fair to take his bad mood out on the DCs and I, and then of course I got it in the neck and now he is in a worse mood because of "my attitude". A few minutes ago he stomped off upstairs and shut the bedroom door, presumably for a sleep, of course leaving me with all the childcare etc, without even telling me that he was going up!

We were going to go out for tea tonight but DH said when we got back that he didn't want to and basically fired off a list of things that he does want, so I'm guessing he is expecting me to take the kids off to the supermarket to get the things, then prepare tea.

I hate it when he is in these moods; my own father was extremely moody and when DH behaves this way it casts a cloud on my day. I was so looking forward to a nice family day out, having fun, and now I feel that he has ruined it.

OP posts:
Original poster
sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 17:35

He's downstairs now and I just said "I'm taking the kids out for tea. I'm assuming you don't want to come as you're so tired" and he snapped back "WELL TAKE THEM OUT THEN! And no I DON'T want to come!". Nice

OP posts:
thenightsky · 05/05/2014 17:37

What a childish drama queen. Ignore and stick to your plan of going out.

I used to have one like this, but I got sick of ruined weekends/days out heavy with 'atmosphere'. It's no way to carry on.

CoreyTrevorLahey · 05/05/2014 17:38

You are so right, Itsfab. Depression doesn't make you a nasty person.

Rhine · 05/05/2014 17:39

Fuck him then. No offence but he sounds like a twat.

TheFarceAndTheSpurious · 05/05/2014 17:39

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WhereTheWildlingsAre · 05/05/2014 17:39

My first husband was like this too. He would get a clear idea in his head about how something (like a day out) should be and if anything did not fit his plan he was sulk and take it out on those around him... Namely me.

It was awful to always be the but of the irritation and anger. Needless to say, that's one of the reasons he became and ex!!

I think you need to confront him about this because I don't see how this can go on and be fair to you or the kids.

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 05/05/2014 17:40

What a big baby!

gelati3 · 05/05/2014 17:40

What kind of work does he do? Is he having problems at work? (not trying to excuse his behaviour)

Littleturkish · 05/05/2014 17:41

Shark that sounds terrible :( I really hope you have since dinner and he is contrite when you return.

Joysmum · 05/05/2014 17:42

He'd not treat anyone else like that but feels he has the right to treat you like it. That speaks volumes.

OnlyLovers · 05/05/2014 17:43

He can just fuck off.

MaoamMuncher · 05/05/2014 17:44

Go out and tbh I wouldn't be coming back.

Kip at your mums or book a cheap hotel if you can.......he seriously needs to stew in his own juices.

Itsfab · 05/05/2014 17:45

"It's only me that has to put up with it."

No, you do not have to put up with it. He will treat you like crap as long as you allow it. Make today the last time he treats you and your children as worthless.

antimatter · 05/05/2014 17:46

He may be of a type of person to blame others for his tiredness.
You can't win I am afraid or do anything to change his attitude. Only he can

HopeClearwater · 05/05/2014 17:46

Kick him to the curb now, or your retirement years are going to be fucking miserable.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 05/05/2014 17:47

My STBXH was like this - although with him it was daily. If the phone rang and he had to speak to someone, it was like the flick of a switch to Mr Pleasant and then when he hung up, right back to Mr Fuckwit.

This would be one of the reasons (of many) that he is STBXH. Hmm

gelati3 · 05/05/2014 17:48

Has he always been like this? Could it be a mental health issue? That sort of behaviour is not normal. Maybe he needs help.

ToffeeJungle · 05/05/2014 17:50

My dad is like this, it can be a nightmare sometimes.
He too often blames tiredness but I've always thought it was something more - depression maybe.
Im not saying this is the case for your DH but tiredness is a bit of a lame excuse / reason to behave like that especially after a 12 hour sleep!
And who with children is not tired to some extent?? He obviously expects you to carry on regardless of how shattered you may be.
He's acting like a child and needs to sort himself out, for his own sake as well as yours.

Enjoy your meal out!

catsmother · 05/05/2014 17:50

I hope you enjoy your meal and he can fuck right off with his expectation of a cooked tea. Who the hell does he think he is - ruining the day, refusing to have an adult conversation about what's really bothering him ("tiredness" doesn't cut it with me, not when I get around 4 to 5 hrs sleep 5 days a week and still manage to act like a civilised person) and being damned bloody rude ? .... and then you're supposed to be his cook when he's treated you and the kids like something on the bottom of his shoe ....

I bloody hate it when anyone does this. It's so unfair - it often had the effect of everyone else having to tiptoe round so as not to "upset" the drama queen even more. Huffing, puffing, theatrical sighs, slamming doors, monosyllabic grunts - I think what you're supposed to do is lay the sympathy on thick a la "oh my poor darling whatever is the matter, you poor thing, is there anything I can do for you" etc etc. Well, if he's not man enough to rustle up enough courtesy to explain whatever it is he's in a mood about, you should ignore him until he grows the hell up. IMO, this kind of obvious moodiness is attention seeking twattishness and completely different to just being a bit down in the dumps and perhaps not wanting to be the life and soul of the party. It really makes me angry - and while it's nasty enough directed towards you (after all, you've not done anything wrong) I think it's especially nasty when aimed at kids. I wouldn't pander to it one inch.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 05/05/2014 17:52

I'm sorry but this is not normal behaviour! Aside from everything else, what kind of example is he setting for your children?

I was up every hour between midnight and 6am with a teething baby. I still got up, made breakfast, dealt with toddler DD, etc. It's what you do as a parent - just get on with it! 12 hours' sleep - wow, I didn't even get that after surgery in hospital.

You can choose to leave this man child and have a happy life with your children. You all deserve so much more.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 05/05/2014 17:54

If he only does it with you then I'm afraid to say he's doing it on purpose to bully/manipulate/control you and put you in your place.

He well keep doing it while he thinks it yields results.

gamerchick · 05/05/2014 17:55

Never pander to a sulk. Tell him you're taking the kids out and if he doesn't give his head a wobble before you get back then he can stay the hell away from you until he's over it.

Stop putting up with it OP your kids won't forget these episodes.

catsmother · 05/05/2014 17:55

I agree with others who don't think it's depression.

Sure depression can knock you out mentally regardless of the sleep you've had (I know) but it's not something which crops up only every 2 to 3 months, and I agree with the poster who said depression doesn't make you nasty either. You may not feel like conversation, but you're more likely to avoid people by making feasible sounding excuses rather than by biting their heads off.

JacktheLab · 05/05/2014 17:58

His moods last a week?!? I couldn't be doing with that tbh.

My DH can be moody when he's tired but they last no more than ten mins or I not so politely let him know his time for grumping is over Wink

Original poster
sharkshorts · 05/05/2014 17:59

I'm out with the DCs now, but before I left he said 'WHY are you in SUCH a bad mood because I'm tired?" I calmly said that I wasn't cross because he was tired but because he's been awful today. He basically said how dare I say that, and again went on about my supposed attitude.

OP posts:
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