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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Bra" for a 7 year old

182 replies

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 09:24

DD (7) has come back from a weekend at her dad's and his girlfriend has bought her a "bra" (as she calls it) I suppose it's a cropped vest really.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off?

It doesn't function as a vest (due to it's cropped nature) so it's only purpose seems to be as a fake bra to make DD feel grown up.

I think there is too much pressure on children to grow up too fast.

Do I return it with a note or bin it and deny all knowledge?

OP posts:
RufusTheReindeer · 28/04/2014 09:26

Pity it's going to get lost in the wash isn't it Grin

Cupid5tunt · 28/04/2014 09:27

I honestly don't get the issue with cropped tops personally but that aside. Is there any reason your daughter might have wanted one and maybe asked the girlfriend to purchase it?

Before making a decision with regards to disposing it I would first talk to your daughter about it.

RufusTheReindeer · 28/04/2014 09:28

I don't believe that children should have cropped tops or bras until they are either in senior school or have something to put in them

Dd was in a bra at 9/10, but I remember her asking in reception if she could have a bra top as her friend had one

YANBU

Rivercam · 28/04/2014 09:31

I wouldn't be happy for two reasons.

  1. don't like young girls ( below year 6) in cropped tops/bras - they don't need them

  2. its not up to Dad's girlfriend to decide to buy such an item, but up,to you. Ie.. The mum. She shouldn't have bought it without your consent.

Iwillorderthefood · 28/04/2014 09:32

I think this is just a clash of views, I would not be happy if I was in this situation either, as I think that these little tops serve the purpose of allowing slightly older girls who are just starting to develop but have little to put in them, to feel a bit more comfortable about the whole thing. DD1 is 8 and she wants one as her friend has one. I think she sees it as a sign of being more grown up and wanting to be like her friend. There is probably no harm, but I think that the decision should come from one of her parents.

Quinteszilla · 28/04/2014 09:36

I dont have a daughter so I am perhaps not qualified to comment, but my cousin has a daughter, now 10. She got her first cropped top when she was around 7-8, her mum bought it for her. The girl asked for one, because she said they would make her feel more comfortable wearing some of her other t shirts and tops over. She had a selection of tops that were quite wide (without being "sexy" or anything, I saw the tops/jumpers in question, they were normal, just had a wide style) When wearing the top under her other tops, she did not feel naked, and felt comfortable.

SaucyJack · 28/04/2014 09:37

I completely disagree with you on this one.

In our culture, females keep their breasts covered. Small girls will be aware of this and may start to feel uncomfortable getting changed for PE long before they've actually got breasts. Crop tops are there precisely for that in between stage.

It's not about forcing children to grow up. It's about respecting the fact that they're growing up of their own accord, and offering a bit of dignity in the process.

Cupid5tunt · 28/04/2014 09:37

I had one at about 7 but then I was wearing a proper bra by 9 it was necessary for me hence why I am asking if the OP has even discussed with her daughter why it was bought, did she ask for one and if so why?

UnderthePalms · 28/04/2014 09:38

It seems an odd thing to do. Was your daughter asking for one for when she gets changed in PE? I suppose thinking about it it's no different from little girls wearing a swimming costume instead of just bikini bottoms only.

Fairylea · 28/04/2014 09:39

I'd ask your dd if any of the other girls at school are wearing them.. that may have been why she wanted one in the first place (if she asked for it).

When dd was about 6/7 all her friends started wearing them and she felt embarrassed getting changed for pe as they started to wonder why she didn't have one. Against my own feelings I brought her some crop tops from primark because at that age it's really important for children to feel they fit in above what parents think to be honest as long as it's just something like clothes.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 28/04/2014 09:42

What does your daughter think about it?

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 28/04/2014 09:42

What does your daughter think about it?

Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 09:43

I haven't asked DD about it because sadly that won't help me to find out what actually happened. She is a complete fantasist and unfortunately I can't believe anything she says (that's a whole other container shipload of threads but lets just say she has "ishoos" and professionals are involved)

OP posts:
Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 09:44

Yes that sort of thing. DD loves it because she is desperate to be a grown up.

OP posts:
UnderthePalms · 28/04/2014 09:45

I suppose it's possible that your dd told her dad that she had asked you for one and you had said to ask her dad to buy it.

OwlCapone · 28/04/2014 09:46

1) don't like young girls ( below year 6) in cropped tops/bras - they don't need them

You don't know very many girls below Y6 do you? There are a good number who are beginning to develop breasts and may therefore want to wear a cropped top.

However, a 7 year old really doesn't need one. Having said that, I do know of one who developed that early and may have been self conscious, so perhaps the correct thing to say is that they don't need one unless they need one IYSWIM. If your DD hasn't asked or ever mentioned it, then it is totally unnecessary and I would be fuming.

UnderthePalms · 28/04/2014 09:46

My 7 year old dd wants one too because girls in her class have them and her older sister has one. Think I will get some

Cupid5tunt · 28/04/2014 09:47

Well could you speak to her Dad or girlfriend and mention you find it a bit of an odd out the blue purchase and ask them what made them buy it?

Canthisonebeused · 28/04/2014 09:47

Exactly what fairy said. I bought my dd some for this school year y3 other girls have been wearing them since y1 and I have refused up until now. My dd feels comfortable wearing them to school because others do, however she will run around end play with just pants or shorts at the beach.

It's important to let her know that she doesn't need to do what the others do to fit in, but some times you also need to look at the bigger issues and smaller issues. Generally I'm totally against bikinis etc but I just wonder if pushing that moral stance is less productive if it becomes a battle and there are no real moral grounds against a plain crop top I suppose is the way I looked st it. It's a fine line but I won't buy any coloured patterned bra types ones.

Endymion · 28/04/2014 09:47

If she hasn't got breasts, then they're unnecessary.

I've just got dd some because she asked, she's nearly 11 and is starting to develop.

I don't like the assumption that little girls should be made so feel uncomfortable about their chests which are identical to those of boys at that age, necessitating a crop top.

Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 09:47

More than likely (or that the head teacher had told her that she had to have one of she'd get detention etc etc)

Her dad should've known better but I suppose the girlfriend could have been outwitted...

OP posts:
harryhausen · 28/04/2014 09:48

My dd has just turned 9. She has crop tops. I can assure you, she definitely needs them!

Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 09:49

She is not developing at all and has no need for one.

OP posts: