Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

"Bra" for a 7 year old

182 replies

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 09:24

DD (7) has come back from a weekend at her dad's and his girlfriend has bought her a "bra" (as she calls it) I suppose it's a cropped vest really.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off?

It doesn't function as a vest (due to it's cropped nature) so it's only purpose seems to be as a fake bra to make DD feel grown up.

I think there is too much pressure on children to grow up too fast.

Do I return it with a note or bin it and deny all knowledge?

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 28/04/2014 11:09

well so is vest then - and you let her wear them

CheckpointCharlie · 28/04/2014 11:10

Crop tops helped my dd to stop getting sore nipples as they started to grow, she was about 8 or 9 when she started growing. She is almost as tall as me now aged 11 and finds crop tops more comfortable than vests as they don't rub and are touching the skin all the time, unlike a vest.

I would mind more about the gf buying it for her than the fact that is was a crop top. I think they have become more normal and girls are not overtly sexualised if they are wearing them from say year 2 up.

SystemIDUnknown · 28/04/2014 11:13

Martorana - you are wrong. A 2 year old in boxers and socks pulled up to their knees is the single cutest thing in the word

I have seen plenty of younger kids in boxers, and it wasn't a concious decision as such. When you're searching for pants for a two year old though it seems that briefs are the main thing on offer. Dh wears boxers and would rather go naked won't wear briefs at all. So I suppose it's just the gradual conditioning in my mind that briefs=child, boxers=man iyswim? Which had obviously also rubbed off on ds1 as he'd noticed that daddy's pants were different.

Goldmandra · 28/04/2014 11:18

You're allowed to post in AIBU to see what others think and not be convinced by any of the arguments. There's no rule that says you have to accept the majority opinion.

If someone else decided that I wasn't letting my DD grow up quickly enough and went and bought her a more adult item of clothing than I normally allowed her to wear, I would be pissed of whoever that person was.

If it were my DH I would have expected him to talk it through with me first (as I buy all of her clothes) to find out why I'd made the decision not to buy it up until that point and explain why it felt it was the right time. Incidentally, when I took my DD2 out last week to buy her first proper bra, my DH knew in advance.

If it were another adult in her life I would consider them to have overstepped the mark massively and take it as an indicator that they thought I was getting something wrong.

NearTheWindymill · 28/04/2014 11:18

To be honest OP if my dd had ever been referred for professional help in relation to her behaviour I think I'd be focussing on and worrying about much bigger issues than a crop top.

Also, I'm surprised at the extent of the anti crop top stuff on here. It's an innocent little something marking a half way point between childhood and puberty. I want my dd to be happy to talk to me about worries and fears and growing up and to support and help her to be confident in herself. I want her to be able to ask me how to apply eye liner, to help her with hairy legs, to chat to me about tampons and contraception. I don't think one builds that sort of relationship by banning little things and I also think a little bit of freedom and independence and healthy indulgence saves a lot of rebellion later.

My dd is almost 16 btw. We haven't had a battle yet - I'm sure largely because she knows she can within reason so doesn't need to.

Goldmandra · 28/04/2014 11:21

To be honest OP if my dd had ever been referred for professional help in relation to her behaviour I think I'd be focussing on and worrying about much bigger issues than a crop top.

What an awful thing to say!

My DDs both have mental health issues with professional input. I put an enormous amount of time and effort into helping them and getting their needs met. It doesn't mean I don't worry about any other aspects of their growing up and well being and it doesn't mean I shouldn't think about anything else

gordyslovesheep · 28/04/2014 11:23

I agree - there is no need to be so personal Windymill - 2 of my children get support from CAMH's for ASD and anxiety - that is pretty below the belt

leedsgirl231 · 28/04/2014 11:25

i began my periods at 9 so I needed a bra by about 8 ish. puberty starts sooner than you may think.

Cupid5tunt · 28/04/2014 11:31

They aren't fake bra's they are crop tops. It's like saying sandals are fake shoes

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 11:34

Windymill - I am focussing on her emotional needs thank you and I believe that emotionally she needs to be a child for a lot longer.

I haven't banned the fake bra/crop top. I haven't got angry or reacted to it coming into the house at all apart from to put it in the washing machine and take it out again. All I have done is post on here to gauge opinion.

I can see that lots of people disagree with me. I accept that lots of you think IABU however I think that most of you ABU yourselves. Or is that BU?

I rejoice in my unreasonableness and refuse to change my mind.

OP posts:

BuzzardBird · 28/04/2014 11:47

I think your opinion is what matters OP and I think you have been extremely unfairly treated. If you don't like them...yet, then you don't have to let her wear them

Endymion · 28/04/2014 11:52

I don't think YABU.

As already stated, dd now has crop tops as she is nearly 11 and has started to develop.

But I wouldn't have bought them prior to that. She also doesn't have bikinis. Got a tankini or two, but then they're like vest/knickers.

I suppose I'm railing at the idea that it's necessary to accept the concept of first bras/crop tops for 6 and 7 year olds because they feel uncomfortable about their chests purely because they're girls. If they feel that way, it's very sad IMO because they shouldn't - because it's a response to peer pressure and the over emphasis on gender differences at that age where none existed when I was little.

Mybellyisaneasteregg · 28/04/2014 11:59

I'd just treat it like any other item of clothing and leave it up to dd to decide if she wants to wear it or not.

soverylucky · 28/04/2014 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OwlCapone · 28/04/2014 12:02

it's not a fake bra - it's a cropped vest

So, what purpose does it serve? A vest is for warmth, a bra for covering breasts and support. Given a "cropped vest" provides bog all warmth, what is it's purpose?

Of course it's a fake bra.

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 28/04/2014 12:04

My 9 year old wears a cropped vest because she feels embarrassed that her nipples can be seen through her school shirt. She refuses to wear a vest.

I see no harm in her wearing one tbh

Canthisonebeused · 28/04/2014 12:10

It's fine OP you asked AIBU for a general consensus and so far not convinced. You have expressed your thoughts, values and concerns without dismissing those that haven't convinced you otherwise. I would ignore posters who are bring unkind and raise this with ex and talk to dd.

Cupid5tunt · 28/04/2014 12:10

So what is the purpose of a vest in summer then? When extra warmth is not needed? In that case surely a cropped vest would make more sense.

OwlCapone · 28/04/2014 12:11

The general consensus is that YES, YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE.

No it isn't.

OwlCapone · 28/04/2014 12:12

So what is the purpose of a vest in summer then?

I have no idea. Do people wear vests in summer?

OwlCapone · 28/04/2014 12:13

In that case surely a cropped vest would make more sense.

More sense for what? covering nipples I assume. Ie a fake bra.

treaclesoda · 28/04/2014 12:13

Endymion I don't think that modern emphasis on gender differences is necessarily what's behind this. I'm in my late 30s and I was certainly aware from a very early age that the 'rules' around how females dress their top half vs how males do differ. My parents wouldn't have dreamed of allowing me to wander round with nothing on my top half, because the norm is that girls cover up, and none of my friends parents would have either.

I'm the same with my DD - she has always known that girls wear something on their top half, and has never questioned it. I'm not saying it's wrong for other people to allow their small girls to eg just wear bikini bottoms on the beach, but it's not how I was raised therefore I personally wouldn't do it. We were a very very modest family though and other things that other people see as normal would never have been tolerated either such as allowing little boys to pee outdoors for example.

gordyslovesheep · 28/04/2014 12:18

so if a child is uncomfortable and wants to cover up their nipples the answer is 'tough shit - I don't think YOU are old enough to feel like that' ...

BuzzardBird · 28/04/2014 12:21

I agree Owl, the thing is DD's friend and the OP's DD calls it a 'bra'. Whether it is or not. As long as DD is wearing a vest then her modesty is covered.

PrincessBabyCat · 28/04/2014 12:22

If it goes under her shirt what's the big deal? It's not like she's running around showing people is she?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8