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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Bra" for a 7 year old

182 replies

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 09:24

DD (7) has come back from a weekend at her dad's and his girlfriend has bought her a "bra" (as she calls it) I suppose it's a cropped vest really.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off?

It doesn't function as a vest (due to it's cropped nature) so it's only purpose seems to be as a fake bra to make DD feel grown up.

I think there is too much pressure on children to grow up too fast.

Do I return it with a note or bin it and deny all knowledge?

OP posts:

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:10

So the arguments for crop tops are :

They cover up developing breasts (which a vest can do although I agree if breasts are developing they are better than a vest, however my DDs are not developing at all)

They cover up not-yet-developing breasts (which a vest can do, possibly more comfortably)

They make girls feel more grown up or less babyish (same thing)

My DDs do go topless on the beach of in the garden if they choose to by the way.

OP posts:

Cupid5tunt · 28/04/2014 10:12

This isn't a dig OP but I'm wondering what bothers your more. The crop top or the fact the girlfriend appears to have taken it upon herself to make the decision and purchase?

SarcyMare · 28/04/2014 10:12

my sons 7 year old naiehgbour visited yesterday, she spent all day fidgiting and worrying at hers because it was uncomfortable.

I will resisit for my currently 3 year old daughter.

sunbathe · 28/04/2014 10:12

But when they're on the beach or in the garden they haven't got half a class full of kids looking at them.

treaclesoda · 28/04/2014 10:12

I don't really understand the hatred of them either, although I do generally agree that it's a mum's place to decide on these things, not dad's girlfriend.

However, I'm with the previous poster who said that it's not up to a third party to say to a little girl 'you have nothing to cover up' because I remember feeling very self conscious as a child and feeling very violated (except that I didn't have the word for it at the time, that's something that I understand now) by the fact that my parents insisted on eg coming into the bathroom whilst I was showering, because I was only a child and had nothing to 'hide'.

I have never seen the logic either in insisting that little girls shouldn't wear the top part of a bikini, because when the time comes that it's not appropriate any more, it seems like such a public declaration of what is very personal to the child (ie starting to grow up). I would have hated that so much as a child.

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:13

but when is it a time for girls to stop feeling babyish I don't think it is the same thing BTW why is a crop top which is just a short vest to grown up,if a 7 yr old girl is not happy to wear a vest as THEY feel it is to babyish maybe they are just feeling they dont want to wear baby clothes anymore, IME cotton crop tops don't lead to stripper heels and g strings

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 28/04/2014 10:17

I think crop tops are good once a girl feels too old for vest and maybe a bit self-conscious but too early to need a bra. They are much more comfortable than a bra for a start. I would imagine that would usually happen at 9 or 10 and 7 does seem fairly young. Having said that I do think it's for you to decide whether to get her one and not for her dad's girlfriend to step in unasked by you.

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:17

I don't like the crop top because it is not necessary. I think there is too much pressure on young girls to become grown up too soon.

I don't like the fact that her dad's gf bought her something that I don't like which is also a personal/intimate item that is too grown up for her. I would also be upset if she bought her a pair of trampy high heels, a mini skirt or a "wannabe WAG" slogan top.

OP posts:

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:18

I don't like the crop top because it is not necessary. I think there is too much pressure on young girls to become grown up too soon.

OP posts:

UnderthePalms · 28/04/2014 10:18

Vests are too hot in the summer

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:19

She has a vest for when she gets changed for PE

OP posts:

pebblyshit · 28/04/2014 10:20

my sons 7 year old naiehgbour visited yesterday, she spent all day fidgiting and worrying at hers because it was uncomfortable

I will resisit for my currently 3 year old daughter

If her pants or shoes are hair clips were uncomfortable would you also resist these for your dd?

wtffgs · 28/04/2014 10:21

Another hater here
DD is desperate for one but she is tiny and slender. She has years of forking out for bras ahead of her. She is still a little girl and will grow up soon enough. When she gets buds I will get her one. I think it's part of the sexualisation of little girls. It's insidious because so many people shrug "what's the harm?" And don't get me started on the fucking make-up in the toy aisle!

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:22

maybe she secretly hates the vest and told her dads girlfriend she hates it, I do agree with you about the gf buying so wasn't her place imo but a vest covers her up her crop top wil cover her up why has she got a vest on ?

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:23

and if you feel she isn't old enough for it just tell her that but I dont think they are forcing young girls to grow up to fast

SnotandBothered · 28/04/2014 10:24

DD has just turned 9.

She has tiny buds developing and asked for a crop top. I said 'no'. She asked again. I said 'no - your vest is fine'. I found myself actually arguing with her over it.

In the end, I tried explaining that I felt she was too young to wear something so bra-like, and that even the plain ones (essentially short vests from M&S) didn't sit well with me.

Because she is 9 and innocent, she just looked at me like this

She told me that she wanted one because she felt like a baby in vests, didn't want people looking at her when she got ready for PE and thought that the tight stretchy lycra looked comfortable (2 other girls in DD's class have them).

She got her cropped top. We went for plain white ones with not a hint of 'bra-ness' and she is thrilled.

I still don't really like them but I think that is because it is a clear sign my little girl is growing up.

Nocomet · 28/04/2014 10:24

I bought DD2 some pretty hello kitty crop tops when her big sister need a bra.

They were just a pretty present, something to not make her feel left out.

I hadn't joined MN, I didn't realise it was crime of the century to buy something fun for a 7-8 yo.

Certainly didn't make her grow up any faster, she continued to wear, nothing, cropped top or a vest as the mood took her up to Y6 and has only just age 13 started wearing a real bra.

RufusTheReindeer · 28/04/2014 10:26

pebbly

My son used to be very sensitive about his pants, we went through loads finding a style that was comfortable and cutting out the tiniest labels

We spend ages getting dds shoes because she finds most of them uncomfortable and she doesn't wear hair clips because they annoy her

Unless you are budding (breast wise) there is no need to be uncomfortable in something that is not a necessity (like shoes and pants)

treaclesoda · 28/04/2014 10:29

I'm very against the sexualisation of children, and I loathe slogan t-shirts etc but it's not that I just shrug and say 'oh, what's the harm?' when it comes to crop tops, it's that I see this as something totally different to those things.

gordyslovesheep · 28/04/2014 10:29

mother of 3 girls here - eldest 2 - 12 and 9, have them and have had them since about age 7. They asked for them - they were beginning to feel a bit self conscious in the changing rooms at PE and swimming and their friends had them

they are vests - it's not like they were asking for crack

I think it's up to them how comfortable or not they feel - not for me to dictate

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 28/04/2014 10:31

Snot - you handled it well and you DD made her case to you so that's go communication. I don't think fairly plain crop tops are sexualising young girls myself I think they are a sensible halfway house between vests and bras that serve a useful purpose in their own right.

harryhausen · 28/04/2014 10:31

I guess I think "what's the harm?" as my 'little' girl started budding at 7. I myself started my periods at 10 yrs. Maybe I'm more aware of growing up at a young age?

Plenty of people have said they're fine if there's a need - but then say they're making girls grow up too quickly. They're out there for a definite need. Even if there's no huge need, what's so appalling about helping girls feel more confident?

pebblyshit · 28/04/2014 10:34

But Rufus most people aren't uncomfortable in any of their clothes. That's the point. One person having one uncomfortable garment does not make that type of garment fundamentally uncomfortable and to be avoided for another person. The girls who was wearing the crop top might find it necessary. It's not up to someone else to say it's not. I don't want my dds to be sexualised but nor to I want them being told that they aren't entitled to cover up their bodies and feel secure whenever they want because someone else (Me) has decided that it's not necessary or they have nothing to cover up and they are just little girls so their bodily autonomy doesn't matter. Nor do I want them to have a joyless existence where everything that is not 'necessary' is stripped away.

treaclesoda · 28/04/2014 10:35

My DD is tall with a long body. Even ordinary vests stop well above her waist. Can't size up to bigger ones because they are too wide. If a stranger saw her in the swimming pool changing room, no doubt I'd be getting roundly judged for inappropriate underwear.

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:35

what treacle said really a crop vest is not sexualising children at all it is under wear I would see the point if it was a red satin padded frilly crop top but it isn't

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