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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Bra" for a 7 year old

182 replies

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 09:24

DD (7) has come back from a weekend at her dad's and his girlfriend has bought her a "bra" (as she calls it) I suppose it's a cropped vest really.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off?

It doesn't function as a vest (due to it's cropped nature) so it's only purpose seems to be as a fake bra to make DD feel grown up.

I think there is too much pressure on children to grow up too fast.

Do I return it with a note or bin it and deny all knowledge?

OP posts:

Cupid5tunt · 28/04/2014 10:36

I am very confused about comparing a crop top to heels, mini skirts and a wannabe wag slogan top. I remember hating wearing vest and didn't for many years before getting a crop top and certainly don't see a crop top as sexualising children.

I guess if you really feel it's inappropriate you need to raise it with your ex. I personally wouldn't throw it in the bin the girlfriend could take it back and get her money back.

soverylucky · 28/04/2014 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldmandra · 28/04/2014 10:38

Of course little girls are going to want to feel more grown up than they are, wear heels, bras, make up, etc, too early. That's natural but it doesn't mean they should be allowed them. It's the parents' responsibility to decide the right time for those rites of passage.

If they are allowed to do everything too early they have to find different rites of passage to make them feel grown up later on when all that's left is smoking, drugs and sex. I saw a little girl of about 8YO yesterday in full make up, high heels, mini skirt and highlighted hair and I couldn't help wondering how she's going to feel when she's in her teens and needs to find a way to affirm her transition towards adulthood.

Of course I'm not saying that giving a 7 YO a crop top will mean she's hooked on drugs at 14 but there is logic in waiting until a child is of an appropriate age to start acknowledging their approaching puberty. Waiting until the right time makes it more special and meaningful when it does happen.

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:39

My mother never let me grow up and didnt feel the need for Bras at 11 ( i needed one) thought it was fine for me to wear vests for P E and even in the dark ages i knew I was to old for a vest well the girls laughing sort of told me that , she even sent me to first year of high school I was 12 in a LONG SLIP (still no bra) that went down a teat ! I have older girls one an adult she wore crop tops sometimes from around 8 but sometimes she didn't I want my children to feel comfortable with their bodies and 7 isn't a little girl imo so if a 7 year old wants a cotton white short vest where is the harm

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:41

oh I know there is a difference between 7 and 11 but i don't get why people are reluctant to let their children grow up and wear different underwear ,

Cupid5tunt · 28/04/2014 10:43

It's the parents' responsibility to decide the right time for those rites of passage

And what if it is the Dad who decided it was appropriate and asked her girlfriend to go shopping with his daughter? Or is what we are saying here is that it's the mothers choice?

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:44

I was giving examples of other "grown up" unnecessary things that I wouldn't be happy with.

The gf can't take it back it's been worn.

I honestly don't understand the modesty argument when a vest works just as well to cover up their bodies!

What does a crop top do (for an undeveloped 7 yd old) that a vest doesn't? Apart from "make them feel more grown up"???!

Whoopee doo! She's got a lifetime of being grown up ahead of her!

OP posts:

pebblyshit · 28/04/2014 10:44

But crop tops are entirely age appropriate. They are not the equivalent to high heels, which are frankly unnecessary at any age. Plenty of girls in Y5 and Y6 need actual bras. If crop tops aren't for 7-11yos then who the hell are they for?

Mrsjay I feel your pain. My first bra was a D cup.

treaclesoda · 28/04/2014 10:44

Mrsjayy I think I can see why our views are so similar on this! My mother also refused to acknowledge when I was actually growing up and did need a bra, which is why I probably feel so strongly that I want my own DD to feel some sort of control over when she feels she is growing up.

Trollsworth · 28/04/2014 10:45

This is just another thing in the long, long list of things that just don't matter. Let her keep her crop top. If you take it away, she will never forgive you.

Trollsworth · 28/04/2014 10:46

Making a big deal about it is sexualising the matter. Otherwise, it's a piece of cloth.

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:47

But why not go straight from a vest to a training bra (like I did) or a vest to a crop top when the time is right and breasts are developing?

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 28/04/2014 10:47

she doesn't want to wear a vest - she wants to wear a crop top - if their is no difference in your mind why not let her wear it

she is telling you she feels uncomfortable in a vest and wants to wear something - is she not allowed a say?

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:48

I think if we had bad experience as younger children and teenagers then i do think we need to let our own dds feel comfortable with their bodies acknowledge that they have feelings on certain things and if they want to cover up then it is up to us to allow that, didn't mean I was allowing my dds to wear to short skirts or whatever and for years they saw bras as function not fashion (or sexual) so was the good old plain white t shirt bras

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:50

"It's a piece of cloth"

So is a g-string, a burka, a mankini, a flag, a gag, a turban etc etc

They have meaning, as human beings we impart meanings to cloth items. What is the meaning of a 7 yr old in a fake bra? What is that all about?

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 28/04/2014 10:51

exactly MrsJayy - they are functional items

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:52

My DD is not telling me that she feels uncomfortable in a vest! She was happy in a vest until an adult decided to buy her a fake bra.

OP posts:

SystemIDUnknown · 28/04/2014 10:52

A bit of a random comparison here...but ds1 is 6 (a very 'old' and grown up 6).

Pants-wise, he and ds2 have always worn typical boys briefs. Ds1 has seen dh in his boxer shorts, and has started to become much more aware of his own and others bodies. He decided last month that he was really old enough that he should be wearing boxers like his dad, and when I dismissed him (that sounds awful...I just kind of said 'Oh you've got lots of pants, maybe in a few months we'll see about it' - I didn't really realise how much thought he'd put into it), he was really upset. HE felt the need for more 'adult' underwear and had begun to feel uncomfortable in briefs.

So now he wears boxers. Should I have refused, told him his current pants are fine, he's too young to be worrying about it? Does it really do any harm?

If this 'bra' was red and lacy, or padded, or had underwires, or was in anyway innappropriate, the ex would be getting it back with a flea in his ear to boot. As it is, I really don't think it's something to worry about, as long as your dd wants to wear it of course.

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:52

as is a vest it is just a piece of cloth why do you let your dd have a vest what is so bad that you dont want her tummy showing ? they do not even have cups in them they are straight across as far as i can remember

gordyslovesheep · 28/04/2014 10:52

it's not a fake bra - it's a cropped vest

redskyatnight · 28/04/2014 10:52

Looking at from a different point of view. My DD is 8, has the start of breasts, which are "bigger than any other girl in my class" (so she has checked) and sometimes she finds uncomfortable. So I have bought her a cropped top which makes her feel more comfortable.

However ... she is now self conscious about being the only girl in her class wearing a crop top. It would have been a much more positive experience for her if she'd been able to have one before she actually needed one, and actively wanted rather than needed one.

treaclesoda · 28/04/2014 10:52

a crop top has meaning to you though, but it doesn't have meaning to me. Whereas a thong or a burqa presumably has meaning to everyone.

gordyslovesheep · 28/04/2014 10:53

maybe she feels she can't tell you because you are so angry about it - maybe she felt more comfortable confining in the other adults about how she felt?

Original poster

YouAreMyRain · 28/04/2014 10:53

It's not functional is it? Avesta can do the same job!

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 10:53

My DD is not telling me that she feels uncomfortable in a vest! She was happy in a vest until an adult decided to buy her a fake bra.

well ^^ is your only arguement (sp) really you are pissed off that the girlfriend decided which is fair enough it isnt a fake bra though it really isn't

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