to think going to a grandmother's funeral is exceptional circumstances

[SelfRighteousPrissyPants]

My 6 year old's headteacher has refused to allow him authorised leave of absence to go to my mum's funeral as it isn't exceptional circumstances! She is going to recommend that we don't get a fine, though I don't know if her recommendation has to be acted on.

What is exceptional circumstances if a close relatives funeral doesn't count FFS?

Our LEA website states that the funeral of a 'close family member' is an exceptional circumstance but it doesn't define what a close family member is. It pisses me off that anyone should influence the decision about which funerals a person should or should not attend. The only circumstances where I can see it's appropriate would be for prisoners or military personnel on deployment, not schoolchildren.

Are teachers denied permission to attend funerals too? It's really awful if they are.

Don't blame you OP for feeling cross. they cant be bothered to update the attendance policy on their website despite having known that these rules were coming in 12 months ago but they have managed to produce a policy about what constitutes exceptional circumstances!! This whole situation is just so shocking. your school have had a year to change the website, make a policy, design the standard letters etc. if this were a business it would go under. the head is seriously at fault here in my opinion. Please write in as a parent pointing this out and asking for a copy of their policy on what does constitute exceptional circumstances. its no good schools keep bleating on about how busy they are. we are all busy and this is something that should be clear and transparent. if teachers want to bring parents with them against this rule then they need to get their own houses in order first. every parent should be lobbying against this. If they did, Gove would have to clarify the rules. Does your husband want to stay a Governor at a school that is so disorganised. I wouldn't.

Head is a prat.

close family is mostly defined as parents, children, siblings and grandparents but not aunts/uncles/cousins

You are presumably just going to go anyway, regardless of what the ht approves.

I would, and deal with any fallout afterwards - you have been dealt a blow with the death of your mum and the school situation has become a focal point for your emotions.

Deal with the now, and ignore the other stuff which can wait

Yanbu

that is one heartless and stupid interpretation of a policy if ever i heard one.

what is an exceptional circumstance? nuclear war?

the last thing anyone wants, when dealing with such an event is uncertainty around things like this. my mum is in her 70s and lives 200 miles away- if anything happens to her, I will have to go and, oddly enough, take my 6 year old with me, as opposed to erm leaving her home on her own. not because i would want to but because it is the only thing to be done.

OP, sorry for your loss, this is a very difficult time for you and you certainly don't need the additional worry of things like this.

I just wanted to say that I have noticed that there have been a number of threads like this, obviously since the guidelines were changed. However I am really very surprised how many people are asking or requesting for time off for things like a funeral of a grandparent. I would never ask for time off, I would just inform the school that my DC weren't going to be in for however many days we needed. The same if my child was repeatedly sick, I would just inform them. Why is everyone so passive? Why do you let schools dictate to you like this? Everyone can see how ridiculous this is yet by standing back and taking it and asking permission you are enabling this. I'm afraid to say that this type of control will only get worse if people don't stand up challenge schools/councils etc.

YADNBU
I took both my DCs out of 2 different secondary schools for 2 days so that I could attend my parent's funeral, as I needed to stay overnight and didn't know if DH would be able to get time off to drive, etc. and we had other health complications. Even so, a grandparent's funeral is considered exceptional circumstances in these parts.

I'm sorry for your loss. It is ridiculous considering that the headteacher won't authorise the absence considering that your child is only six and the funeral is some distance away.

I wouldn't worry about the fact that the leave is not authorised. I'm sure that if you do get fined the media will be very interested. Everyone will be on your side....

I just had to let the school know in advance, in writing. One school had a handy form to fill in.

I agree I love, I always just 'inform' the school, rather than 'request'.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Obviously you must go anyway.

I've just been doing a little reading around and it seems that there is deliberately no definition of "exceptional circumstances" so that the Head is given the maximum discretion. The Governors may not be able to answer the question your DH intends to ask - although they may of course wish to make enquiries as to the criteria applied by the Head in practice.

I would write back saying that it is utterly unconscionable that your DS should be told not to attend the funeral of his grandmother, and for you to be threatened with sanctions if you disregard the instruction. Aside from the inherent irrationality of the decision, it is one which severely undermines your confidence in the Head's judgment and the trust you can place in her and the school.

I would say that whilst you recognise that the Head has a discretion to exercise, she must do so within the bounds of reason. Her decision that the funeral of a pupil grandmother does not constitute exceptional circumstances is clearly flawed. To use the relevant legal terminology, Under Lord Diplock's classification, a decision is irrational if it is it is a decision which is "so outrageous in its defiance of logic or of accepted moral standards that no sensible person who had applied his mind to the question could have arrived at it."

[This ought to be of significance to the Head or her legal advisors is (one of) the tests for determining whether a decision should be susceptible to judicial review.]

I would invite the head to reconsider her approach. I would then tell her that if she chooses to act on the basis of such a poorly conceived decision, you will defend vigorously your position that the attendance of a grandparent's funeral obviously falls within the definition of exceptional circumstances. You will draw the case to the attention of your MP and the media, and will positively welcome the enquiry which will follow into the quality of the Head's decision making and the impact on that upon parents' trust and confidence in her.

It shouldn't be up to a school to decide which funeral a child can and cannot attend. Agreeing with earlier post. A child may be close to a family friend or neighbour and want to attend their funeral. Aunts/uncles not being regarded as close family is ridiculous.

What if following a bereavement, the parent just isn't up to doing the school run?

Agree that the head teacher is a prat.

Apologies for numerous typos - really ought to preview!

I'm very sorry to hear about your Mum

I am also sorry to hear you are going through this additional stress, it's the last thing you need.

It's ridiculous, but don't worry about it now, put it to the back of your mind and deal with it later. Take the time you need with your Dad, your son is 6, six, it's not going to impact on his schooling one little bit. Family is what is important right now, nothing else.

Look after yourself & your Dad
x

Why is everyone so passive?

I agree I lost an aunt, and told the school my DD would be off for the day to go to funeral.

Erica of course a 6 year old should go to his Grandmother's funeral, OP I"m sorry for your loss and YANBU, The headteacher is wrong not to authorise the absence,

Totally agree with all your post MrsNoodleHead and well written, that would certainly get the head to re think her position!

But one should not have this added extra stress and pressure at such a time.

Disgusting

I don't think asking vs telling has much to do with it. The head isn't going to think 'Oh, she isn't asking for permission, she is telling me therefore I will mark it as authorised' whether its 3 weeks in disneyland or a funeral. You don't dodge the fine by force of personality.

I'm taking 3 non exceptional days soon and am just concocting the letter. I'm a bit torn between asking (better manners, possibly) and telling (because I am going and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise). My concern is not coming across as a twat as I would like to think that the authorised/unauthorised decision shouldn't be based on the facts, reasonableness and common sense rather than my passivity or letter writing skills.

My Dad died last year and parents are six hours drive away. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking for permission to take my kids out of school. I simply told them it was happening.

Youngest DS went to my Mum's with me and DH the day Dad died, and missed Friday and Monday.

A week or so later all four of my children missed two days school to attend the funeral and spend time with my Mum.

Surely no one who loses a parent stops to give a stuff about these petty, little rules.

My mum died 5 weeks ago. I went to see dad then with my brother leaving my DH and DS at home. The funeral couldn't happen before now. Filling in the standard leave form was our way of informing the school DS is not going to be at school. I wasn't expecting them to say the leave was unauthorised, I thought it was just a formality to go through.

I'm glad you had no trouble Tinkly but I doubt it was down to your no-nonsense attitude.

I imagine it was down to my good fortune in having a head teacher who is a reasonable human being. I don't recall filling in any forms; presumably DP did all that.

No way would I pay a fine though, and you shouldn't either. They would be laughed out of court if it came to it.

Absolutely ridiculous op and so sorry for your loss. just take them and deal with concequences afterwards.

All the HT I know, and there are many wouldn't dream of refusing this.

chocolate so sorry for your dreadful loss.

I agree with above posters too, I just do what's right got my family and then inform the school.

Home ed, extra curricular activities and private schools aren't governed by attendance rules. However, you would still get a bad reputation if e.g. you left a home ed group in the lurch by repeatedly not turning up when you said you would.

There are attendance rules in state schools because parents have in the past signed up for a state education but not ensured that their children turn up or have expected teachers to pick up the slack when their children have missed school for unnecessary absences.

I don't think I would be sending letters threatening MP's at this stage. I would say that while you understood that the head was in a difficult position, in this instance you had no other option but to take your child to the funeral. You will ensure that as far as possible inconvenience to the school is minimised. (This is politeness more than anything else - it may not be possible to minimise inconvenience at all.)

I think it is entirely likely that nothing will happen at all if you take your child out of school. It's worth trying to treat people as though they are reasonable human beings because quite often they are.