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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think breastfeeding is no different to formula

204 replies

leavemealoneok · 18/04/2014 21:08

Whats the big deal. I want to bottlefeed. Stop putting me under pressure. I had dd2 a week ago and im happy to bottle feed. But im sick of being judged by everyone about it. I quite like my boobs up where there supposed to be and personally if formula was that bad, they wouldnt sell it.

Personally bf is way overated.
I know I will be slated for this but I had to rant. Whole family is judging me for it

OP posts:
spanky2 · 18/04/2014 23:13

I think you need to tell your dm that it is completely unreasonable to cook for all those people. How on earth are looking after her carpets more important than looking after you? In the big scheme of things it is impossible to tell which children were bf or bottle fed. Your mum needs to respect your parenting decisions. I bottle fed and it worked well for me and my family.

monicalewinski · 18/04/2014 23:14

Obladee, had you spent less time yawning you could have read the OP's subsequent posts.

Not only did she apologise for the wording of her op, but she explained what a difficult time she's having - also that she bf her first child (so your snide comment re 'never using her breasts for their biological purpose' and all the other smug shite you loaded on was misinformed).

Nasty and unnecessary.

Retropear · 18/04/2014 23:14

I know.The ignorance is astounding.

A fat cherub my dd wasn't in SCBU on her ebm diet.

Thankfully she was after she finally got access to the formula which saved her life.

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 18/04/2014 23:15

Go, or just cancel the dinner, seriously this place is amazing reading a thread this morning about someone sending out a rota for meals and tonight someone being expected to do this.

spanky2 · 18/04/2014 23:17

I agree Monica.

cerealqueen · 18/04/2014 23:22

I fed both mine past aged 2, still feeding one and they gradual of feeding reduction over a long period means my tits are still 'up there.' HTH.

Artyparty · 18/04/2014 23:29

It's a shame this had kicked off another FF vs BF debate...
Meanwhile we are distracted from the real issue:
Why do boobs have to be perky? Because we're told how they are supposed to look via page 3 and a million other types of media.
Meanwhile, it makes some people uncomfortable to get a normal boob out to feed your child. The FF/BF argument is a distraction from what we should be really angry about.
Frankly, I don't mind how people feed their babies but I do hate it that the only boobs we're encouraged to aspire to are on page 3 :( :(

Surely both FF and BF mothers can get angry about that?!
Angry

custardcream1000 · 18/04/2014 23:30

All this time I thought my boobs were meant to hang by my belly button...should I be hanging them over my ears instead?

Seriously, all my family have breast fed their babies and we all still have perky firm breasts!

In reference to your comment that BF is over rated, I fail to see how - surely you can understand why BF is promoted over FF? However, if it's not for you then fair enough. Feed your baby how you like and do what makes you feel comfortable.

MoominAndMiniMoom · 18/04/2014 23:46

really didn't want to read this thread tonight. suffering major ff guilt. goady thread, goady replies :(

winkywinkola · 19/04/2014 00:27

Hold on. Posters are genuinely surprised this had started a bm/fm debate?!?

And the op didn't intend it? Really? Right.

My arse.

Look I get very very bored of people bleating about how they choose - yes choose - to feed their child and how they are judged for it. It's tedious.

Just grow up.

You could feed your baby the nectar of Eden and someone would still have an opinion. So what? And?

Just research what you can or want. Do want you want and ignore/acknowledge the opinions of science. You've made your decision and that is that.

If you care about the opinions then do what they want instead of what you want.

Just stop banging on about it.

Ponkypink · 19/04/2014 00:33

Look, no one else gives a flying fuck if you want to spend all your money on milk powder so you can imagine your tits are so much nicer than all the hairy hippies' saggy ones. There are obvious differences between formula and breastfeeding in that breastfeeding doesn't require shops or bottles or making up from powder, and these are why I did it (convenience basically, also I don't think my tits are 'supposed' to be anywhere in particular to meet some arbitrary aesthetic ideal), so it's pretty idiotic to pretend there aren't differences. But those differences may not be relevant to you in which case why the actual fuck do you even care? Really. Get a grip.

ExBrightonBell · 19/04/2014 00:58

OP, I would suggest (as someone else did up thread) that you change your username and post again in Relationships or Breast & Bottlefeeding for support.

You've got some serious lack of support going on from your DH and family, which you could get a lot of advice for on here. I'm not offended by your comments about breastfeeding, even though I don't agree with you. It's clear that there are a lot of reasons why you are defensive and upset about the whole issue. Your DH needs to step up and support you, and your DM needs to realise that you need support. Expecting you to cook for 12 is just ridiculous. Tell her no, and then just don't do it. Don't let anyone bully you into it.

allisgood1 · 19/04/2014 03:01

What is up with MN tonight??? Are all the trouble makers out to start bun fights?!

SpiderRoaster · 19/04/2014 03:40

I'm going to put this in bold because people are coming on and reading the 1st post and the thread has moved on

The OP has 1) apologised and 2) is feeling unsupported by her dm and dp

BF / FF 'debates' never end well, but I really wish some posters would RTFT before commenting. MN is so clever that the OP'd posts can be put in a different colour so you see them amongst the many other posts.

This is the OP's last post:

I phoned my mum and asked her if we could have easter dinner at hers after church as im really sore and not up to cooking.

She tells me no chance cause her carpets are being shampooed on saturday and she doesnt want anyone trodding over them.

So shes asked me to cook at mines for 12 people. Wtf. I felt backed into corner.

Another unsupportive day. I asked dh and he said its your mum you deal with her.

I feel like packing the kids stuff and booking hotel for a week for us.

--

OP - call your mum today and say calmly but firmly you are unable to cook dinner tomorrow for 12 people. No reasons required. Un plug phone and have a weekend of peace, deal with her next week when you're feeling a bit stronger. I'd recommend you sit with dp and tell him you feel unsupported by DM and now by him because he would be a perfect person to tell dm to back off on your behalf. Plan b, if all that doesn't work - book the hotel!!

HolidayCriminal · 19/04/2014 09:31

I'm so glad this thread turned around, I had feeling OP was vulnerable not trolling.

I'm a wimp who avoids confrontation so I'd invent a vomitting bug to cancel the Easter dinner for 20 or whatever. Let everyone know & unplug the phone & stay off of email/Fbook. Honestly, you've got a tiny baby in the house. Don't need this rubbish.

rootypig · 19/04/2014 09:55

It is so obvious from the first post what the OP is feeling. But people are going to have their self serving rants regardless Hmm

OP, I hope you get some support from DH with DD1 now it's the weekend. Your mum sounds bloody awful. Tell her you're struggling after a major surgery and looking after a newborn and that she would even suggest such a thing is appalling. And don't have anyone round for lunch fgs, least of all her! carpets shampooed

hallamoo · 19/04/2014 09:58

To be fair, posting a thread like this, with a deliberately provocative title, in AIBU, was only going to go one way.

Maybe OP should get this thread deleted, or moved to a more appropriate place,

rootypig · 19/04/2014 10:00

The OP is being provocative because she is so frustrated.

Stop putting me under pressure. I had dd2 a week ago and im happy to bottle feed. But im sick of being judged by everyone about it.

Yes that is utterly impenetrable Hmm

Caitlin17 · 19/04/2014 10:10

I hated bf. I was put under huge pressure from the midwives and health visitors to do it. It was horrible, painful and exhausting. I kept it up for 3 months and was miserable throughout.

tobysmum77 · 19/04/2014 10:11

op you aren't being judged by everyone. Most people don't care. dp probably just doesn't want to do night feeds.

bfing and ffing clearly aren't the same thing but like a porsche or a ford fiesta generally get you to much the same place.

Yes bfing is best logically it had to be the evidence shows it. What surprises me the most though is in the grand scheme of things how little the identified differences are. I would expect it to be massive!

I ff both of mine, didn't have much of a choice really. With the experience I had if I'd had another I would have ff from the start, no doubt.

btw I'm judging your mother. I hope you told her where to stick the dinner?

SystemIDUnknown · 19/04/2014 10:20

There are lots of benefits of bf, and lots of benefits of ff. Pick which one will work best for you.

No one will be able to look at your baby/child, speak to them, observe them, do anything with them, and be able to tell which type of milk they received as a tiny baby. THAT is realistically how much difference it makes.

GrassIsSinging · 19/04/2014 10:20

I didnt breastfeed for very long and my tits are like two boiled eggs in socks.

SanityClause · 19/04/2014 10:32

OP, the BF/FF issue is a red herring.

You are getting no support from your mother, and, it would seem, your husband.

Telephone your mother, and tell her that you will not be cooking for 12 on Easter Sunday. She will have to make other arrangements. Then telephone anyone one else she has invited, and let them know.

Practise saying things like this. "I'm sorry, I don't want to discuss it, but I will not be cooking a big family dinner on Easter Sunday. You will have to make other arrangements."

Then when people say, "oh, but Granny was looking forward to it, " you can respond by saying, "I'm sorry about that, but I am not well enough, and will not be able to cook a big family dinner on Easter Sunday. I will let Granny know, and she can make other arrangements."

Broken record.

Don't be bullied by these people.

SanityClause · 19/04/2014 10:34

Or book that hotel. H can either come with you, or stay at home to fend off your family. His choice.

AskBasil · 19/04/2014 10:39

Yes I would actually say that you knew nothing about it and of course you're not going to be cooking for 12 people 2 weeks after having a baby.

Anyone who would even question that, is totally and completely out of order.

Long term I'd get that unsupportive husband seen to because I suspect that's a major concern for you. The fact that he has no sympathy for you when faced with a toxic mother, is a real problem, but you may not be up to facing that just yet.