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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think breastfeeding is no different to formula

204 replies

leavemealoneok · 18/04/2014 21:08

Whats the big deal. I want to bottlefeed. Stop putting me under pressure. I had dd2 a week ago and im happy to bottle feed. But im sick of being judged by everyone about it. I quite like my boobs up where there supposed to be and personally if formula was that bad, they wouldnt sell it.

Personally bf is way overated.
I know I will be slated for this but I had to rant. Whole family is judging me for it

OP posts:
Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 22:47

Saying bfers have saggy tits is soooo much ruder than a yawn. The rest was fact.

rootypig · 18/04/2014 22:48

obla if you find the thread so boring, perhaps you shouldn't post Hmm

Howmuch upthread OP was criticised for justifying her choices in relation to other people's (which in fact she wasn't doing). But that is what you're doing. There's no need to criticise FF to make yourself feel better about BF. It is your choice, no more, no less.

Original poster
leavemealoneok · 18/04/2014 22:48

I phoned my mum and asked her if we could have easter dinner at hers after church as im really sore and not up to cooking.
She tells me no chance cause her carpets are being shampooed on saturday and she doesnt want anyone trodding over them.

So shes asked me to cook at mines for 12 people. Wtf. I felt backed into corner.

Another unsupportive day. I asked dh and he said its your mum you deal with her.

I feel like packing the kids stuff and booking hotel for a week for us.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/04/2014 22:49

Just my way of saying that it is not whether you BF or FF that defines your child, it is your parenting skills and the boundaries you set that matter.

Absolutely

And considering the shocking amount of children starting school at 4yrs old who are overweight or obese, it makes me wonder how those who are so evangelistical about baby milk (either FF or BF) end up taking their eye off the ball a couple of years later.

If people had the same enthusiasm about feeding toddlers/older children as they do about feeding their newborns, perhaps over 28% of children in England alone wouldn't be overweight.

maddening · 18/04/2014 22:50

many preschools take from 2yo and are affordable - might be a good rest for you and chance for dc1 to run off steam.

AskBasil · 18/04/2014 22:51

Oh bloody hell, no wonder you're fed up.

Your DP is also unsupportive.

His role as the father of a newborn, is to support the mother. That means against her mother if she actually asks him to.

I would be v. angry with your DP as much as your mother tbh.

Retropear · 18/04/2014 22:51

Erm formula has been tested and researched more than any other food.

It is about the safest food you can get and no they wouldn't sell it if it was bad for babies.

It may not be the optimum choice but then many,many parenting choices and foods we give aren't.

In the scheme of things using ff as is a far better parenting choice than many others we make which we often don't even give a second thought to when making.

Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 22:51

Erm no. You're wrong. I'm now a ff. I don't need to 'feel better' about bf. BM is better than formula. That's a fact.

Koothrapanties · 18/04/2014 22:52

Howmuch - so asking her wtf she would know about bfing and telling her to stop spouting off twaddle isn't rude?

Op - so sorry you are having another crap day. There is lots of support to be found here. Hope you are ok.

Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 22:52

Where did I criticise ff by the way?

obladeeobladahla · 18/04/2014 22:52

retro my babies were ebf fat cherubs - survival of the fittest, perhaps?

kooth I believe the op showed rudeness, indifference & ignorance towards breastfeeding in her title alone.

winky well said

PotPourri · 18/04/2014 22:53

leavemealone. You really need to say No to that. Just say No. Practice it a few times in front of the mirror and then call your mum and just say it. "No, I'm not up to it so we are going to have a quiet one, just us". Nip this in the bud now is my advice

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/04/2014 22:54

Here's an idea op

Just feed your baby :)

Bottles, breast ? Who cares. There are soooo many ways to be a good parent this is one thing. You will forget all about it when they are running you ragged in three years time. When your pulling bugs out their mouth or catch your baby licking shoes , trust me, where the milk came from will be the last thing on your mind.

Formula is fab. Saved me from a miserable dd1 and ensured my CMPI dd2 actually ate.

Do what's right for you. Dont give a second thought to anything else!!

AskBasil · 18/04/2014 22:55

Yes but obla since then the OP has moved on and acknowledged that her titled was badly worded and revealed how unsupported she is in RL.

AskBasil · 18/04/2014 22:56

And yes PotPourri is right.

Phone your mum and say no, you're not cooking for anyone at Easter because FFS you have a new baby and what sort of selfish arse would think it was an appropriate request?

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/04/2014 22:56

OP

OMG! Tell her no. Phone her, say "I'm not doing lunch after church, this isn't a discussion" and hang up.

Your dp really should be being more supportive of you right now.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 18/04/2014 22:57

I feel like packing the kids stuff and booking hotel for a week for us.

Do it!

Koothrapanties · 18/04/2014 23:01

Op if your dp won't stand up for you, you will need to be assertive yourself. Tell her no. You don't need to be bullied and you have every right to say no.

obladeeobladahla · 18/04/2014 23:02

Oh... well perhaps the op should inform herself as to why breastfeeding and formula are not the same thing.

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/04/2014 23:03

ob

The thread has moved on...

wheresthelight · 18/04/2014 23:04

Breast milk may be best for baby in terms of immunity build up etc but breastfeeding is not necessarily the best.

I decided early in pg that I wouldn't even attempt to bf, nothing to do with feelings towards my boobs but everything to do with my mental health and physical health as I live on painkillers that would pass through and almost certainly kill my dd. I warned my mw to make a note on my records to leave me alone and not preach at me about bf and no one did in hospital. Have had a few comments from friends who are bf gguru's but they got told to piss off. They made their choice I have made mine. End of

The biggest issue ibhad was a witch hv who had it in for me for not bf. She made me feel like shit. So I do empathise

You need to tell the people making comments to go forth and multiply. You are feeding your baby (congratulations by the way) and they can keep their opinions to themselves. And tell her you aren't cooking so she can either cook at your house as she is so precious about her carpets or she can starve.

Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 23:04

What about then just be confident in your own decisions.

So if your mum/MIL is going on about bf say "yes isn't breast feeding great. There are so many benefits. I've chosen not to do it though."

I think when a new baby is born mums and MIL sometimes want to prove to themselves that when they had a baby they were the best 'mother' and even without realising it sometimes try and undermine the new mum. This certainly happened to me.

A response like this shows confidence and maturity and I think would draw a line under it and allow you to get on with what you've chosen to do.

I do agree with those who've asks parenting is so much more than being too. Like I said I'm really proud at having bf both but my DS is really quite badly behaved at times and I'm sure my skills could be very much improved.

Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 23:05
  • that parenting is about so much more than bfing
AskBasil · 18/04/2014 23:10

"I think when a new baby is born mums and MIL sometimes want to prove to themselves that when they had a baby they were the best 'mother' and even without realising it sometimes try and undermine the new mum."

Yes. Absolutely. I think it's very very common and often totally unintentional and unconscious.

Very bloody irritating though.

TooOldForGlitter · 18/04/2014 23:10

I cannot believe I have just seen someone say "survival of the fittest, perhaps", whilst referring to their "ebf fat cherubs". Words fail me.

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