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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not agree to DP giving up his job?

410 replies

sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 09:36

I will try to be brief.

We have a 3 month old baby.

Prior to baby I was building up my business and worked until the day I have birth. Business is now booming and I am very lucky to have a good team behind me who take care of the day to day running of the business. I am at home with our baby and whilst I do have to put some work hours in, I can do it from home and DD is my absolute priority. I mainly work when she has settled down for the night.

DP and I don't live together but we are making a go of things and we do intend to live together within a year,

DP is employed and doesn't like his job. He wants to give it up and work for me. I am not keen on this as I would feel guilty if for any reason the business didn't work, and at least with an employed position he can guarantee how much he earns - my business is only 18 months old and so I don't feel completely secure about it yet.

DP is constantly saying how I'm doing to much, insinuates that I must be stressed all day having to juggle work an DD (I'm not) and that he wants to work for the business and basically take over in a managerial type role.

AIBU to not allow this? Apart from l the security / financial aspects of it, I have built my business up from scratch and don't want him coming along taking all the credit now that's its really taking off. Am I being selfish? I'm not sure if I will be going back full time to work there as I am very happy working from home and looking after DD - it doesn't mean he has to take over though does it?

If it makes any difference, he earns approx 30k PA in a 45 hour a week job. My business profits are approx 200k PA.

Some outside perspectives on this would be great.

OP posts:

vickibee · 14/04/2014 09:38

IMO family and business do not mix, it is hard to remain professional if you are working day to day with a close family member and you lose objectivity.

TanteRose · 14/04/2014 09:39

absolutely do NOT allow it.

it will not end well

TheNewSofa · 14/04/2014 09:40

I understand your concerns, and i too would be worried about him taking over etc.

Does he have any experience in your field of work?

I think i would only allow this if we were married

LaurieFairyCake · 14/04/2014 09:41

Hire him for one day a week. Boss him about like you would do with any other employee - watch his hackles rise. Then say it's not going to work out if you can't be managed.

I'd bet money he wants to take over and run it.

DocMcStuffinsBigBookOfOuches · 14/04/2014 09:41

How would you feel about anyone else deciding they were going to work for you, without you having offered them a position? If somebody decided they were going to quit their own job in order to be your secretary, you would think they were on glue. Just because you have a relationship with DP doesn't give him an automatic right to a job with or for you.

slartybartfast · 14/04/2014 09:42

sounds like it would be too many eggs in one basket.

slartybartfast · 14/04/2014 09:42

oh and the other employees might perceive favouritism.

StrangeGlue · 14/04/2014 09:43

My gut says no way! You clearly don't want this and clearly love your business and want to run it yourself. It's not a family business it's yours.

whattoWHO · 14/04/2014 09:45

Is there a vacancy in your business that he is suitably qualified for?
How would him working for you fit into your business plan?

Bowlersarm · 14/04/2014 09:45

I wouldn't let him do it yet.

I would make sure you can actually live together successfully first, and take it from there in the future.

drnoitall · 14/04/2014 09:46

Agree with above.
My dh is the love of my life, no way could I spend every waking hour together. Those I know who do, are a bore, all they talk about is work.
There would be slit to untangle if things don't work out as planned.
Live together first, see how it goes.
Practically, I would want to wait.
Emotionally, I'd be very possessive of a company id started and letting someone else get involved and "taking credit for my hard work" unless I needed them.

MardyBra · 14/04/2014 09:47

What all the others said. And also - if you're not living together but "are making a go of things", presumably there have been some ups and downs in your relationship, or it is a fairly new one. Given that it is not totally stable, then this is another factor against him working for you.

MardyBra · 14/04/2014 09:48

Oh and congratulations on building up such a successful business so quickly.

Original poster

sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 09:49

Thanks for the replies.

There isn't a vacancy as such - he wants to take over from what I'm doing (what in currently doing from home) and generally manage the place.

I have 4 employees including an office manager so I don't really need anyone else. He says it makes sense because he would get to see DD more and it would take some of the pressure off me. I am more than happy to be working and bringing up DD - as someone said I love my business and I love DD!

If he wanted to help he could come round to do housework, take dog out for a walk etc, but he has suggested I get a cleaner for that.

OP posts:

Inertia · 14/04/2014 09:50

If he wants to give up his job that's up to him, as long as he can provide for his child.

He doesn't get to demand that you employ him. He wants to come in in a managerial role - if you needed a manager ( which you don't, by the sounds of it ), surely you would appoint someone who already knows your business.

I would insist on keeping your personal life and business separate. If you had started it and built it together that would be different, but him swanning in for an easy life because he is the partner of the boss won't work.

notapizzaeater · 14/04/2014 09:50

No, my DH nod I were offered the chance to work together years ago, he would have been my line manager. There is no way on this earth we would have left any issues at the door, he admitted he couldn't tell me off, I knew if he tried boss or not I'd answer back so we decided against it and went into different departments. If he works for you you could loose control and it's working for you at the moment. If he's unhappy tell him to look for another job.

TerrorAustralis · 14/04/2014 09:50

YANBU. Don't do it!

Guiltypleasures001 · 14/04/2014 09:50

Two words op hell and no,

He will take over, he may slack off and you still have to pay him and he'll be protected by employment law.

Your freedom and independence will be compromised if your relationship goes tits up. If I'm honest theres a sense from your post that all is not how you would like it relationship wise, regardless of the business.

And last of all he could be a future but very expensive cock lodger, and you'll be paying your self child maintenance.

Take my word for it family business and money do not mix, been there done that.

Don't put him down as a director either, or access to the accounts.

I would be interested in his reaction to you saying no to this as well.

MardyBra · 14/04/2014 09:52

"he wants to take over from what I'm doing"

But you had the ideas and drive to get this business up and running in the first place. So he wouldn't necessarily be able to replicate your role.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/04/2014 09:52

Wow - £200k in your second year! You are obviously doing something very very right! So I think you should go with your gut instinct as it has served you well in the past.

I also agree with your view - it's a bad idea to have all your family's finances relying on one place, does your dh even have the skills you need, will he do as you tell him, what if he's rubbish, what if the relationship doesn't work, what if your other employees don't like it?

Inertia · 14/04/2014 09:53

Cross post - you alreadt have a manager, no need for another!

I would be very wary. Might be doing him a disservice but he is coming across as only wanting to do what's convenient for him - not good in an employee or a partner.

Rainbow · 14/04/2014 09:54

I have worked with DH who is now exDH. It may or may not have been a factor but it really didn't help being in each other pockets 24/7.
IMO there are several reasons against:

You have got a routine going where your job and your DD can get everything they need.
You will be in each others pockets 24/7. Not a healthy relationship.
Your business is young and still needs a lot of nurturing. Without being pessimistic, if it was to all go pearshaped you would both be unemployed.
I am assuming, because your business is young, you are not taking a steady, regular income? How will you pay all the expenses with 2 unsteady wages?
Jealousy and resentment should he "take over your baby" and run the business may rear it's ugly head.
You will end up taking your work home and it will be the only topic of conversation. Also if you disagree at work that will come home too.

and not many for:

You will have more time for DD as she gets older if that is what you want to do.

Original poster

sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 09:54

Hi Guiltypleasures - how do you mean about him turning into an expensive cocklodger? I know what the term means just would be grateful if you can expand on that - it's something that has occurred to me before also.

OP posts:

MardyBra · 14/04/2014 09:54

When are you appearing on Dragon's Den then?

Chunderella · 14/04/2014 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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