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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not agree to DP giving up his job?

410 replies

sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 09:36

I will try to be brief.

We have a 3 month old baby.

Prior to baby I was building up my business and worked until the day I have birth. Business is now booming and I am very lucky to have a good team behind me who take care of the day to day running of the business. I am at home with our baby and whilst I do have to put some work hours in, I can do it from home and DD is my absolute priority. I mainly work when she has settled down for the night.

DP and I don't live together but we are making a go of things and we do intend to live together within a year,

DP is employed and doesn't like his job. He wants to give it up and work for me. I am not keen on this as I would feel guilty if for any reason the business didn't work, and at least with an employed position he can guarantee how much he earns - my business is only 18 months old and so I don't feel completely secure about it yet.

DP is constantly saying how I'm doing to much, insinuates that I must be stressed all day having to juggle work an DD (I'm not) and that he wants to work for the business and basically take over in a managerial type role.

AIBU to not allow this? Apart from l the security / financial aspects of it, I have built my business up from scratch and don't want him coming along taking all the credit now that's its really taking off. Am I being selfish? I'm not sure if I will be going back full time to work there as I am very happy working from home and looking after DD - it doesn't mean he has to take over though does it?

If it makes any difference, he earns approx 30k PA in a 45 hour a week job. My business profits are approx 200k PA.

Some outside perspectives on this would be great.

OP posts:
Rainbow · 14/04/2014 09:56

Employ him as your cleaner? :)

starlight1234 · 14/04/2014 09:56

Yes a red lert from last comment...He wants to do the bits he wants to do...What does he think you will do ?

I would suggest he looks for another job...I can't see how with 3 month old baby you would want to lose his income

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 14/04/2014 09:58

No bloody way! You've built up this business, not him. Let him start his own up if he'd make such a great manager.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/04/2014 10:00

If he's so concerned about dd being hard work maybe he could look after her a bit more.

Interesting how he thinks taking over your business is the only solution when paying for childcare ( if you wanted it) or him looking after her is the obvious solution.

Original poster
sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 10:01

He doesn't pay anything towards DD or the house at the moment. He pays his bills, I pay mine. No maintenance or help as I'm sure he thinks we don't need it.

OP posts:
MoominsAreScary · 14/04/2014 10:01

No way!

HolgerDanske · 14/04/2014 10:01

Don't do it.

VivaLeBeaver · 14/04/2014 10:02

I wouldn't be happy to do this.

He'll either do the job well but you'll resent him taking over.

Or he'll be shit at it and cause problems and you'll be even more pissed off.

Or he'll slack off knowing you'll pick up the reins and you'll still be doing the job plus paying him for being there not doing much.

FairPhyllis · 14/04/2014 10:03

I thought this was going to be a suggestion that he become SAHP. But he wants to effectively take over and run your business? When there's no vacancy? When it doesn't sound like you have that solid a relationship, and which may potentially piss off your employees? Ahahahahahaha No.

VivaLeBeaver · 14/04/2014 10:03

Just seen your last update. He sounds like a cock lodger, sorry.

Doesn't matter if you need the money or not. Most men would want to support their child. Have you never discussed it?

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 14/04/2014 10:03

Ask him to submit a cv.
He has to do an interview process. With co- interviewers from your business.
He is not immediately hired to be senior position, like anyone else. He should work up.

Unless he secretly has talents to be a director? I'm guessing your gut is right. I mean, why aren't you jumping for joy? Mainly I guess because you think he couldn't do it.

VivaLeBeaver · 14/04/2014 10:04

Plus if you split up down the line he could argue the business was a joint venture, family thing, etc and try and take half of it.

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 14/04/2014 10:05

Dd is his? He works and pays nothing in?

Your barking woman. I'm a sahp and I put more in!

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 14/04/2014 10:05

LTB

rollonthesummer · 14/04/2014 10:06

Does he have any redeeming qualities?!

NatashaBee · 14/04/2014 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eurochick · 14/04/2014 10:07

God no.

And well done on building up such a profitable business.

BerniesBurneze · 14/04/2014 10:07

Your spidey senses are tingling for a reason...

comicsansisevil · 14/04/2014 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 10:09

Well this is the thing - the way he puts it is like he is doing it all as a favour for me as I clearly can't cope (I can)!! And if I say no I clearly don't want the best for DD as if he continues in his current job he would be working all those hours (including 1 day a weekend as he is in retail).

So I was beginning to think I was being unreasonable not allowing it.

OP posts:
Ploppy16 · 14/04/2014 10:11

DH and I worked together for about 6 months and frankly we almost split because of it. There was no break between work and home life and if I hadn't had left the job I probably would have left him.
Aside from that it reads to me like you have done the hard part of building up a successful business and he wants to now jump in and look like he is the 'face' of it. You don't have a vacancy but he wants you to effectively give up your position to him with all of the benefits that come with it.
It would worry me a lot. YANBU.

Original poster
sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 10:11

I mean he thinks I don't want the best for DD.

I know I want the absolute best for her!

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 14/04/2014 10:11

No way.

If you wanted a manager or assistant you'd recruit the best person for the job and for your business. Is he really that person? That's a pretty remarkable coincidence!

He's earning a good salary and could presumably get another job at a similar wage if he doesn't like the current one.

It reads like he wants an easy life. To take the profit from your hard work. Also, that he probably underestimates the skill, knowledge and dedication it has taken for you to get this far and that will be required to continue to make a success of the business.

I'm afraid I think he underestimates you and overestimates himself 'well, if OP can do it, it can't be that hard'. Oh yeah, really?

VivaLeBeaver · 14/04/2014 10:12

So he's trying to guilt trip you into getting his own way?

Is he emotionally abusive in other ways?

Ploppy16 · 14/04/2014 10:12

Sorry for double post but what does he want you to do if you give him your job? Become a SAHM or magically produce another position at the company?