To not agree to DP giving up his job?

[sleepismyfriend]

I will try to be brief.

We have a 3 month old baby.

Prior to baby I was building up my business and worked until the day I have birth. Business is now booming and I am very lucky to have a good team behind me who take care of the day to day running of the business. I am at home with our baby and whilst I do have to put some work hours in, I can do it from home and DD is my absolute priority. I mainly work when she has settled down for the night.

DP and I don't live together but we are making a go of things and we do intend to live together within a year,

DP is employed and doesn't like his job. He wants to give it up and work for me. I am not keen on this as I would feel guilty if for any reason the business didn't work, and at least with an employed position he can guarantee how much he earns - my business is only 18 months old and so I don't feel completely secure about it yet.

DP is constantly saying how I'm doing to much, insinuates that I must be stressed all day having to juggle work an DD (I'm not) and that he wants to work for the business and basically take over in a managerial type role.

AIBU to not allow this? Apart from l the security / financial aspects of it, I have built my business up from scratch and don't want him coming along taking all the credit now that's its really taking off. Am I being selfish? I'm not sure if I will be going back full time to work there as I am very happy working from home and looking after DD - it doesn't mean he has to take over though does it?

If it makes any difference, he earns approx 30k PA in a 45 hour a week job. My business profits are approx 200k PA.

Some outside perspectives on this would be great.

One other thought - it is well known that getting in early with a super successful start up (which yours very well could be) is a good way to make a lot of money. Your employees will know this and so will be willing work very hard as they will want the company to be a success too.

Employing your partner in a senior role he isn't qualified for does two things:- 1. Pushes them all one rung down the totem pole. 2. Makes them wonder if you are taking the business seriously.

Neither of which are great for employee morale and for them working very hard for you.

Hi Sleep

Expensive cock lodger,

Does what it says on the tin, he might feel that you owe him a living with minimum input. I don't see him being a house husband and doing the housework freeing you up to run and expand your business. He could well demand a living wage if not access to accounts and cash.

He could well flounce in and upset the employees you already have by pulling rank on the , and upsetting the delicate balance of your team, this is after Ll the life blood of any business apart from the. Product or service you provide.

This sounds like a take over with no benefit to you what so ever, and every financial benefit to him.

How are you going to play it if he doesn't fancy going in for a few days, or god forbid deliberately sabotages things for you.

Or play they I'm so depressed card I couldn't possibly work the docs signed me off, but you still have to pay him, and do the child care and the housework etc????

Theres a saying on here he's telling you who he is, you are in a exceptional position op but the minute you let him in, you are incredibly vulnerable, he probably sniffs money, power and an easy life, I think all this and I don't even know him.

The most telling time is going to be how he reacts if you say no, I would do it just to see his reaction. Step back from the cliff edge, I bet your generous to a fault, a bit of a rescuer and a thoroughly nice lady who would do anything for anyone. He knows this I reckon he sniffed this out about you from the start.

Your gut instinct is one of very few instincts we are born with, and it is the one we as humans always ignore, yours is trying to wave a flag at you

Think of it like this OP - he is not asking that he give up his job so much as asking that you give up yours when you obviously don't want to.

Your business is obviously very successful and he wants a piece of that without putting any work or contribution into your family life.

Well this is the thing - the way he puts it is like he is doing it all as a favour for me as I clearly can't cope (I can)!! And if I say no I clearly don't want the best for DD as if he continues in his current job he would be working all those hours (including 1 day a weekend as he is in retail).

Just vile. Sorry. It's awful. How dare he emotionally blackmail you like that? Tell him to fuck off - you're a competent, highly successful professional woman who sounds like she's got it all perfectly sorted without his interference. I REALLY feel angry about this.

"He is in retail" - so he manages a shop, OP?

No wonder he wants your job - probably thinks he'll be swanning around having business lunches while you spend "quality" time with your DD (and clear up the mess he makes of the business as well).

I'm sure you're interested to know whether he still wants to stay in the relationship when (not if) you say no to his generous proposal.

Step back from the cliff edge, I bet your generous to a fault, a bit of a rescuer and a thoroughly nice lady who would do anything for anyone. He knows this I reckon he sniffed this out about you from the start.
I bet GuiltyPleasures is spot on with this.

Why doesn't he support his dd?

Please don't do it. This driving force behind the success of this business is YOU. Why does he assume he can make a success of what you built? Do not under any circumstances turn over your business to him. He is not asking to come in as an employee and learn the ropes ; he wants to come in as the boss. He does not sound like he will make a good employee at all. And a man who thinks he should not pay for his child is not a keeper. He is too interested in the thing you own. Please, please keep your relationship separate from your source of income.

SuburbanRhonda's last paragraph is worth reading again...

He's trying to guilt trip you into taking on your job, because he doesn't like his own? That's absolutely insane. I can just imagine the response if I turned round to my partner and said - I'm bored of my job, give me yours. And he seriously expects you to do this!

What is even more worrying though OP, and I think is extremely telling - is that he contributes nothing to the upbringing of his own child. He sounds selfish, deluded and entitled.

He sounds like he's going to criticise your parenting until you give in. I think you need to have a big chat where you say absolutely and categorically no, you will not be employing him now or in the future and you'll have to seriously reconsider your future together if he mentions it every five minutes.

He is trying to use the relationship to bully you into handing your business to him. Say no and see how long the relationship will last.

So not only does he not support his child at the moment, and relies on you to support her fully in a financial sense, he is now planning to quit his job and make you support him financially too?

Hell no!

Make him pay something for her - doesn't need to be a lot, if you don't need it financially - maybe starting a savings account for her and buying the nappies or something like that.

And if/when you move in together, will he be planning to pay his way then? Irrespective of where his earnings come from, what is he planning to do with them?

His reaction to that will be telling, I suspect.

Seriously - don't let him bully his way into your job and take advantage of you. What an arse!

Or actually, can I have your job please? It sounds great and I would love to spend more time with the kids. No? Not going to give your job to someone unqualified, especially when you want to keep it yourself? Didn't think so. So what's different about DP taking it? See how ridiculous it is?

So he works full time but doesn't pay maintenance, just his own bills. While you look after DD & effectively work part time for yourself. He wants to take over your part-time work allowing you to pay all his bills & leaving you more time to do the cleaning? Doesn't sound much of a bargain to me.

Suggest he starts paying some maintenance for his DD & use that money to pay a cleaner to free up some of your time. Your finances are not entwined so if he wants to start looking for a new job where he works less hours then that's up to him, as long as he isn't asking for cash from you!

Don't give him a job (that doesn't exist) and don't let him move in with you. He sounds like a freeloader.

so he earns 30k and doesn't support his child? Wow - he sounds like a catch. I would be questioning if i would want to live with this man at all. If he doesn't like his job, tell him to find a new one, like everything else - doesn't he have any pride?

is there a reason you two arent living together?
This whole sirltuation sounds quite scary tbh. You donnt need a manager. So you arent hiring one. So why on earth does he think he should step in?

Doesnt sound like he is doing a great job of being a dad and partner so I wonder whether he would he any good as an employee.

Maybe state that you want to keep work and private life separate.

He sounds awful. He is essentially wanting to muscle in on your hard work rather than making his own way - if he hates his job then he can look for a new one, just not working for you!

Don't let him get away with paying nothing - he needs to be making a contribution!

Why doesn't he pay for your DD? Doesn't matter if you were turning over millions, she's his daughter and he should be paying.

What exactly does he bring to the relationship?

And as a matter of interest, if he were to go into your business, (NO!, this is just theoretical!) what skills/expertise would he bring? Because it doesn't sound like it would be much.

I think you might have to re-evaluate the whole situation; I'm not sure what you and your DD are getting from this.

I wouldn't in a million years let this happen. I've seen what happens when families work together and things go wrong. Not pretty. I love my family very much and get on with all members of my family. Would never EVER work with any of them. Too much to lose.

Also, to me this sounds like he's looking for an easy option. Doesn't sound like he's got the ideal skills for your business - more that he's trying to convince you to hire him and make the business fit around him. That wouldn't work in any other company, so don't let it happen with your successful start-up. Congratulations on the early success btw - keep up the good work and don't let him anywhere near it. If he hates his job, he needs to look for a new one.

Yanbu

If he is unhappy with his job he can sort out his own solution. Find a new job.

At present you are happy juggling dd and work. Will you be looking into childcare options when she becomes more mobile etc? Maybe he could reduce his hours to take on some of this childcare if he wants to become more hands on with dd.

Tell him his suggestion is rediculous, business is great as it is, there is no vacancy for him and you dont want to mix your homelife with work.

Do not give him a job.

Also I think you need to rethink your relationship.
I actually cannot see what he is bringing to the mix.
Fair enough if he has said 'I will give up my job and look after DD full time so you can work' but he hasn't. It's all 'let me have your life and your income but you do the important stuff like bring up DD'.

Run for the hills OP, he will suck the life out of you if you let him. He is already trying to guilt trip you by stating you are not putting DD first.

Good luck with the business and I really do hope the next update is that you have LTB.

You obviously have excellent business sense to have built up such a successful business so quickly. Which makes me surprised that you can even be asking on here for people's opinions about this. It's a no brainer! It's not even really about him giving up his job- it's glaringly obvious that what he wants is your role! Which leaves you.... Where? Effectively being a SAHM with him taking all the credit for the business? Or worse- possibly pissing off your workforce with crap decisions and management?

I'm also shocked that you seem to just accept him not paying for his child'. It's not a case of whether you think you need it... He is a parent, of course he should be contributing.

Alarm bells are ringing all over the place here. You don't live together, you are trying to 'make a go of things' (which implies its a rocky relationship) he makes no financial contribution to his child and now you're questioning on a public forum whether you should consider letting him take a key role in your successful business.... Hell, no!

Set up a fair system of financial support for his daughter and tell him to look around for other jobs if he is so unhappy where he is. If you truly care for him, you'll want to support that (and as a very successful entrepreneur I expect you could give him sound advice about looking at another career path) But this isn't a choice of his current job or yours!

Please don't do this. You are an incredible role model for your daughter.

It's not selfish to continue to do what works for you and your dd. you don't owe him a living and he's trying to blackmail you into getting what he wants. I'm not surprised he wants a piece of the action but he doesn't deserve one and could really screw things up for you.

If I was your employee I would lose all respect for you if you brought your partner in (unless he's a dragon from dragons' den, which I suspect, on 30k a year, he isn't)

It does sound rather as though he wants to take over your life and make you subservient. That sounds a bit mad but so do his suggestions.

If he wanted the best for your dd wouldn't he be contributing financially? Wouldn't he be offering to spend more time looking after her?

Why can't he get another job the normal way? Is he unemployable for some reason?

You need to think about the business aspects of this with your business head on only.

You have a team who are able to run things while you've stepped back. That is incredibly valuable and has come about because of the way you've set up the company and managed them. The right staff are worth a great deal. Don't drive them away by employing an unnecessary, unqualified 'honorary manager'.

As for the personal aspects, he doesn't live with you but thinks he knows your life and what's good for your dd better than you do? Do you realise how tatty and how frankly emotionally dangerous that sounds?