to let my children sleep in their clothes?

[greenbananas]

It's a bad habit I've got into while we have been having building work done. We spent about three weeks without a washing machine, heating or hot water. But now, children sleeping in clothes has become a kind of routine. Putting them in pyjamas seems like a pointless hassle, when they are far more comfortable just going to bed in whatever they are wearing (minus shoes, socks and anything bulky).

Obviously, I remove anything that is food-stained or dreadfully dirty. They are only 17 months and 5 years old, so they are not very smelly yet (although my 5 year old is a bit muddy sometimes).

My children are loved and cuddled, and have plenty of play activities and attention.

My instinct says that it's okay to save on washing and stress by letting them sleep in their clothes. But sometimes I wonder if I am being borderline neglectful.

What do you think? AIBU?

yes I agree oblomov - the time or washing saving doesn't seem to add up.
My children have been unbathed for the last few days. Today we are going to the park where they will get filthy. Then home and bath and clean pyjamas on (before tea) before they get into their clean sheets. I love it :o

How bloody stupid. Now if she does have concerns over her unmatched socks (which I'm sure she doesn't!) she won't tell anyone anyway will she!

Sorry you've had a tough time trinity
But I think your recount serves to explain quite well the point that these things in isolation are not the problem.
When a family has s's involvement, particularly at a safeguarding level, then everything becomes an issue. Or at least a question to be answered.
If small children have no help getting ready in the morning and as a result turn up in the wrong uniform/ dirty clothes/ odd socks etc, then there's a problem. Parents might be unable, for whatever reason, to do what they "should" be doing. And they might need help or larger issues might need addressing.
But a child who wears odd socks because matching socks aren't a priority in that family is of no "interest" at all (well, not to anyone with at least half a brain) in the absence of other concerns.

I would rather over involvement than under every time. ;

I can understand why you feel that Lord but its an unbelievably scary, painful and stressful thing to be dealing with.

I don't think they will ever go away. I just don't know what they want from me.

I don't think its neglectful or anything but it just doesn't make sense to me. Why wouldn't you want to have your children sleeping in comfortable pjs rather than uniform?
The thing about laundry doesn't make sense. My children wear the same pjs for a few nights and the same uniform for 2 days if its not dirty. That's less washing than clean uniform every day.

A friend of mine lets her ds sleep in his uniform every Friday night as a treat. I think its the oddest treat I've ever heard of!

Trinity your situation is exactly why I'd do anything to avoid ss involvement. I do think they do great things, but once you get down to such low level 'neglect' / personal choice stuff it becomes scary.

A lot of the things you mention are things that another sw wouldn't care less about, or that in alot of homes happen as normal... Or that actually you can argue they are good things to happen. I don't think it's constructive to have an entire family insecure and upset, trying to prove themselves over and over again by jumping through hoops that do t even make sense.

when my smallest started school he was preoccupied with it and used to wake up at 2am and put his uniform on in his sleep

14! She is more than capable then, isn't she? I can't believe they have an issue with that.

My dd is 10, she often makes her & dd lunch, she helps me to get food ready for coking, although she doesn't feel confident to cook much herself, but we are working on that.

I thought that this was what we were supposed to do, get them ready for the outside world.

LordPalmerston Oh come on!! There is over-involvement & being petty about odd socks, sharing clothes or a 14yr old cooking for herself.

It isn't like Trinity cooks for the rest of the family & leaves the 14yr old out, thereby FORCING her to fend for herself.

Neglectful IMO.
Bottom line is 2-3 baths a week and 2-3 uniform changes a week in this house (active, muddy boys). Also flannel use.
A bit of cuddling is not enough, you need to teach them self-care and self- discipline, and having structure and order to the day is part of that. Flopping into bed in your clothes is what drink and stoned people do.

I wish I could go a couple of days in the same uniform,ds (6) comes in filthy every day, he had to have a bath and fresh uniform every day.

we dont really know WHAT the involvement is do we?

Mine have a bath/shower before bed every night but wear the same pj's for a few nights running.
They get dressed before breakfast so don't think clean pair every night is necessary!
I don't think your neglectful at all op but I don't like the idea of children going to bed in the clothes they have had on all day.I can't imagine they are very comfortable,especially in school trousers and a polo shirt!

Mine (aged 6 and 3) sleep naked. They are both really, really hot sweaty kids and wrap the blankets around themselves like a sleeping bag. Put them in PJs and they're soaked in sweat within an hour.

Lots of people think that's weird. It's not really something that I think about though.

My ds sometimes goes to sleep in the t-shirt he's had on in the day- i always put jammie or joggy bottoms on, i don't think he'd be at all comfortable sleeping in jeans.

i wouldn't keep that tshirt on him the next day though, and i wouldn't let him sleep in a uniform he was going to wear the next day either, that's just a bit on the clatty side for me.

as others have said, there are worse things you can do to yiur kids though, if you feel bad about it, go back to jammies, if you feel ok doing it carry on.

Do you live near a launderette? take a bag of dirty washing in and a nice lady will wash and dry it for you with no effort on your part at all. Alternatively if you can't afford a service wash and can palm the kids of on someone else for an hour you get to sit in peace a read a book and the machines are cheap and massive. I got a king size feather duvet and four pillows in last time I went.

I sleep in a t shirt and pants in the summer. I don't think it's a big deal but I'd say jeans or school uniform is pushing it.

Lord. a lot of people on here do know the reasons for involvement. its no secret.
however those issues are no longer present.
they have said that themselves

Well that's the thing s t it Trinity
As I said, once they're there, everything becomes an issue.
Sometimes they find it had to prioritise tbh.

I think it's generally sad.

School trousers are usually nylon, man Made and so make you sweat, and a baby sleeping in woollen tights, i would be very un comfortable and hot in tights!

You don't need to wash pj's every night the same pair is fine for 3 nights if they don't have breakfast in them, hardly a big impact on Washing, if as you say, you are changing clothes every day,so you must be doing some Washing.

It's just lazy and to be honest i don't understand the tone of your posts and all the smily faces....you have no thing to be proud of.

It's grim. I think you said your ds has allergies & uses an inhaler,does dust trigger it?

I'm back, although I would rather have let the thread die. Am really regretting posting this.

My boys have been in proper pyjamas for the last two nights.

I asked ds1 if he was more comfortable in pyjamas, and he thought it was a really odd question. He said it doesn't matter either way.

Those of you who don't understand how it saves on washing probably have no conception of how dirty our house has become during the building work! It has almost certainly been unfit for human habitation by most people's standards. There is building dirt over everything and it has been really hard, especially as I'm normally quite obsessively clean and tidy. I have basically given up housework and concentrated on feeding the children, playing with them and making sure ds1 gets to school clean and on time with an adequate packed lunch.

Yes, ds1 has allergies, and yes, dust mites make his asthma worse. I have dusted the room we sleep in (we have all been sleeping in one room while this has been going on). Mud does not make his allergies worse.

sleeping in clothes does definitely save washing as nothing can be worn twice in this house at the moment. It is dirty within five minutes. I might have occasionally left the kids in mucky clothes, but I can't bring myself to put mucky clothes back on them once they have been taken off.

I wash the kids in the morning, so they start the day clean. They are filthy again within five minutes, but at least I have tried.

To sleep in clean sheets, I would have had to wash the sheets every day. I haven't had the time, or the money to spend at the laundrette. We have spent every penny we have (and could borrow) on making the house a more suitable place for the children, and making it into a place where I can run a business.

Anyway, I have a working washing machine again, and an oven and hob (after 4 months of cooking for a familywith multiple food restrictions on a camping stove, which takes a lot of time and planning).

I still think sleeping in clothes is not the worst crime in the world, and that the bedtime routine you are all talking about is culturally constructed. We have a bedtime routine (same things happening in same order, with lots of cuddles), but it isn't the same as some of yours.

I suppose I was really asking if sleeping in clothes was seen as neglectful. Clearly it is!

I deliberately haven't used any faces, smiley or otherwise in this post. ..

OP it really does sound as though your household is temporarily upside down and that people's responses to your question took you by surprise.

I do think that the comments about you not taking people's concerns seriously were fair. You do see where people were coming from, given you describe your children having to sleep in dirty, dusty clothes?

Nobody suggested that letting young children sleep in their clothes was the worst crime. That's a straw man argument. People were saying that it was a marker for concern and one so easily avoided.

OP, you know it is wrong.