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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my children sleep in their clothes?

259 replies

greenbananas · 03/04/2014 23:10

It's a bad habit I've got into while we have been having building work done. We spent about three weeks without a washing machine, heating or hot water. But now, children sleeping in clothes has become a kind of routine. Putting them in pyjamas seems like a pointless hassle, when they are far more comfortable just going to bed in whatever they are wearing (minus shoes, socks and anything bulky).

Obviously, I remove anything that is food-stained or dreadfully dirty. They are only 17 months and 5 years old, so they are not very smelly yet (although my 5 year old is a bit muddy sometimes).

My children are loved and cuddled, and have plenty of play activities and attention.

My instinct says that it's okay to save on washing and stress by letting them sleep in their clothes. But sometimes I wonder if I am being borderline neglectful.

What do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 03/04/2014 23:29

Surely they should be changing underwear every day?

Which means in the morning they'd have to take their clothes off, change underwear then put them back in again. Seems a bit of a faff to me.

I do think its lazy and a bit neglectful for them not to change underwear every day.

munchkinmaster · 03/04/2014 23:29

But surely muck from outside rubs on the sheets and creates more washing? Also if it's really about washing you could change pjs once a week and t shirts etc every other day. It's not really about washing is it?

AncientBallerina · 03/04/2014 23:30

Only worn at night. I don't think comparing yourselves with others in your area is a great plan. The norm is to put your kid in a pair of PJs. What does he think of this himself? It must be so uncomfortable.

MMcanny · 03/04/2014 23:30

At 19 mos I'd still want to be bathing said child every night because they've got wet and dirty nappy contents next to their skin all the time. The five year old I'd want to be bathing regulalry too so the clothes would have to come off for that. It's not that they sweat and smell like adults but their pits and creases do get red if you leave it a couple of days - I have learned this from experience. Also, you say you don't leave on food stained clothes but one gets muddy...how often do you change the beds, does it not make for more work? It's just nice to have them all clean and fresh once a day because as soon as they wake up the mess starts again. BTW assuming your five year old is at school, they do talk about things and it could sound neglectful if it gets to the stage he doesn't own pj's and says 'I only get a bath once a fortnight' or something. I'm sure it's OK sometimes though...and if you have a clean child, a pair of pj's could do two or even three nights so maybe that's as bad. I do think I'd be worrying, like you say you are, about it seeming neglectful, even though, like someone says, it's hardly the worst thing to be doing to a child. The other thing about getting stripped down for bed and bathtime is it's when you'd see any marks on them if they'd had an accident or someone was beating up on them and you wouldn't want to be unaware if a teacher were to see something and you didn't know how it happened/how long it had been there.

5madthings · 03/04/2014 23:30

No I agree no need for a nightly bath but say twice a week? If you undress them for a bath it seems crazy to put dirty clothes back on.

racmun · 03/04/2014 23:31

Bizarre that you ask your ds1 surely it's just something you do!

5 year old boys get really grubby god knows what state he is going to school in. On average how many hours do you let them wear the same clothes for 24,48,72?

MysweetAudrina · 03/04/2014 23:31

I want my kids to remember feeling clean, comfortable and looked after when they grow up. I think a good bedtime routine goes towards this. Of course kids would sleep in their clothes if they were left to.

ExcuseTypos · 03/04/2014 23:32

No I just can't get my head around sleeping in your clothes then going out in them.

How many days do they go before they change their clothes?

sonlypuppyfat · 03/04/2014 23:32

How can you relax at the end of the day if you are wearing the same clothes in bed. Do you bath them put his uniform on and send him to bed.

Littledidsheknow · 03/04/2014 23:32

If you think this minor misdemeanour is worth bothering or feeling guilty about, then you must be pretty good and careful about parenting overall!
Ideally your children should be pyjamaed, but being a busy parent during a time of change and stress can lead us down alternative paths of less resistance, which, whilst not ideal, are ultimately harmless. You'll get back into your stride soon enough; for now though, YANBU

trashcanjunkie · 03/04/2014 23:32

what are you doing about his underpants? taking the trousers off in the morning to change them?

rabbitlady · 03/04/2014 23:33

perfectly reasonable to sleep in your clothes, as long as you can have a bath/shower and a full set of fresh clothes in the morning.

please do consider clothes and baths as important. it doesn't go well for a child at school if s/he looks scruffy or smells.

Rexandralpf · 03/04/2014 23:33

We have done this too occasionally after traveling long distances in the car late. My kids are well fed, healthy, have lots if attention. It's probably a bit rough but your situation is a bit rough - no heating, washing etc. must feel like camping.

Nocomet · 03/04/2014 23:34

DD2 has fallen a sleep in her clothes occasionally all her life(she's now 13).

It's on my I'm not going to stress about it list.

munchkinmaster · 03/04/2014 23:34

OP do they wear the slept in clothes the next morning or get changed then.

Wigglebummunch · 03/04/2014 23:34

Also if your DS did tell the teachers he slept in his uniform every night I'd doubt very much that they wouldn't bat an eye lid.

ravenAK · 03/04/2014 23:34

Better to get out of uniform.

There's a common sense to uniform = school, scruffs = playing/relaxing & pyjamas = sleep that I think is quite valuable.

Besides, you'll only have to peel it all off in the morning to put clean stuff on (at least, I hope you do...) & a school jumper & trousers that could happily do 2-3 days will then need washing after one day.

Cheap pyjamas will save wear & tear on the uniform stuff. Mind you, if you were saying he changed into t-shirt & tracksuit bottoms then slept in them I'd say fair enough...

Original poster
greenbananas · 03/04/2014 23:35

Okay, so the consensus is that IABU. Smile

Yes, of course I do change all their clothes in the morning!

And for those of you who say I am being lazy, I would like to point out that I have been filling the kettle from the shower just to wash up the dishes for the last six months. I have had no kitchen, no sink, nothing to cook on except a camping stove. My oldest son has serious allergies so I have to cook from scratch. We are on a budget (!) Just keeping things going and sending him to school on time with packed linches has been a massive effort.

I don't feel even vaguely guilty about letting my childern sleep in their clothes over the last few weeks when we had no water for a washing machine. I was just wondering if you all thought I was being unreasonable to let let it continue now that the washing machine is working again.

I will start insisting on pyjamas again. It isn't a big issue really, just saves hassle to let them sleep in clothes.

OP posts:
Rexandralpf · 03/04/2014 23:35

What about getting the kids thick fleecy onesies and wearing it for bed. That way you can make the day time clothes last more days. Nothing like a sponge to make things last another day or so.

BrokenToeOuch · 03/04/2014 23:36

Sorry, IMO nothing borderline about it, it's neglectful.
You don't say what sort of building work was happening, but unless it was 'bulldozing the entire house', there is no excuse to not change your DC before bed. Children should not be sleeping in their school uniforms.
You sound dreadfully lazy.
We are having building work done at the moment (2 storey extension, chaos and debris now the knock throughs have taken place) but I have still managed to put the DC in clean clothes every day.
Washing up in the bath wasn't fun though!

Only1scoop · 03/04/2014 23:36

Surely loads to do in morning though....bath/shower and taking off Mingy clothes from previous day and night and putting on clean ones....presuming you are Confused

cafecito · 03/04/2014 23:37

I have allowed DS to sleep in his clothes once in his life, because he was fast asleep and I couldn't wake him

there is no way I would be okay with this - it's important to get them changed into PJs I think even if not a full bath every night.

BrokenToeOuch · 03/04/2014 23:37

X-Post on the building works.
I still think YABU. Especially in light of the fact that you now have a working washing machine Confused

mustbeabetterwife · 03/04/2014 23:38

"DS1 has a choice: "do you want to put on your pyjamas?" and he always says no. So he is uncomfortable in jeans that's kind of up to him"

He's 5 FFS! Look after your kids and let them have a decent, COMFORTABLE nights sleep.

It's our job to make sure our kids are fed, loved and well rested. Seriously, this thread has really annoyed me, I feel sorry for your children. They won't have any pride or understand the importance of cleanliness and routine - putting your 5yo to bed in his school uniform because you can't be bothered to get him changed -FFS!

Rexandralpf · 03/04/2014 23:38

I posted my comments a minute before yours and I think YANBU. I've lived in a building site like that and it's beyond most people's experience of living. Our kitchen was a bed base turned on it side at one point and we didn't have a cooker for months.

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