to let my children sleep in their clothes?

[greenbananas]

It's a bad habit I've got into while we have been having building work done. We spent about three weeks without a washing machine, heating or hot water. But now, children sleeping in clothes has become a kind of routine. Putting them in pyjamas seems like a pointless hassle, when they are far more comfortable just going to bed in whatever they are wearing (minus shoes, socks and anything bulky).

Obviously, I remove anything that is food-stained or dreadfully dirty. They are only 17 months and 5 years old, so they are not very smelly yet (although my 5 year old is a bit muddy sometimes).

My children are loved and cuddled, and have plenty of play activities and attention.

My instinct says that it's okay to save on washing and stress by letting them sleep in their clothes. But sometimes I wonder if I am being borderline neglectful.

What do you think? AIBU?

[thegoldenaxe]

I actually don't have a problem with sleeping in clothes, as such. I grew up in a very old house which believe me was cold and often wore jogging bottoms with a jumper or cardi to bed.

But I do think sleeping in a school uniform is a bit much. Sorry, OP.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

I think the thing that was widely reported with those poor children was that their parent set fire to their home while they slept.

I think the clothing might have been seen as so important becasie some ppl suggested it was a sign that they had kept the chidlren in their clothes, expecting them to be seen outside when "rescued", and not wanting them to be seen without clothes, but more likely because, in the context of everything else that was going on with the family, it was another indicator of neglect. When something so awful happens, everything around is seen with that tragedy in mind, and some things, that might mean nothing whatsoever to children who are wells cared for, become "significant" when seen in context and with hindsight.

There's a world of difference between a child who goes to sleep in his uniform (and may well go to school the next day in it) on a regualr basis because no one could be bothered to put him to bed properly, And a well loved, properly cared- for child who is allowed to sleep in his day clothes.

Context and degree.
They are so important.

[TrinityRhino]

my girls dont have their dad but yes my social worker would have a problem if my girls went to bed in their clothes

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Peaches plus the two female doctors who died in Tenerife today are all stark reminders of that ColdLight I agree.

[Logg1e]

Coldlightofday I am not a social worker, so don't know the answer, but if it's not a big issue, why was it so widely reported in the Philpot Murders?

OP I can see that you pride yourself on your parenting style and like to see yourself as alternative. But I don't think that people saying that there's a lack of care of putting your children to bed in dirty, dusty clothes is them being "culturally stereotypical".

I don't think you understand people's concerns, I think you just feel as though you are being forced to conform for conformity's sake.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Basic comfort and hygiene is not a cultural stereotype...

[ikeaismylocal]

I do understand that you just didn't realise greenbananas I didn't realise your suppposed to wash a baby's/toddler's growbag, my logic is that he has clean pyjamas on every night and the growbag doesn't actully touch him, but most people wash them regularly.

I guess we all are feckless in our own way ;)

[greenbananas]

LaGaurdia, I do know now that nearly everybody thinks it is wrong. It is not something I would have dreamed of doing before the building work started (apart from rare occasions when ds1 feel asleep in his clothes after journeys and it seemed cruel to wake him up so I would just gently strip off his outer layers).

I was posting late at night and should not have posted at all. I was never going to let it continue because I was brought up with the cultural stereotype of all children going their cots in clean babygros and smelling of John son's.

I have defied many cultural stereotypes already in the way I raise my children (carrying them in slings not pushchairs, breastfeeding while they are old enough to have teeth, all curling up in the family bed until they are old enough to be more comfortable sleeping alone).

When I (unwisely) posted, I was wondering how other people saw sleeping in clothes. I hadn't realised it was such an indicator of neglect, or that the philpotts children had all been found in school uniform.

I take the point that children are more comfortable in pyjamas, and that in an ordinary household this means they can wear some of the same uniform the next day.

I was feeling vaguely guilty about my children sleeping in their clothes and thought I would ask the question. I wasn't expecting such a unanimous verdict of "you are a lazy feckless mother" - that did surprise me. I am a childcare professional, believe it or not, and if a child told me they slept in their clothes, but seemed otherwise well cared for, secure and loved, I honestly don't think I would worry too much. I might make a mental note, but I don't think I would see it as something I had to write down unless the children seemed dirty, smelly or otherwise neglected.

[LaGuardia]

OP, you know it is wrong.

[Logg1e]

OP it really does sound as though your household is temporarily upside down and that people's responses to your question took you by surprise.

I do think that the comments about you not taking people's concerns seriously were fair. You do see where people were coming from, given you describe your children having to sleep in dirty, dusty clothes?

Nobody suggested that letting young children sleep in their clothes was the worst crime. That's a straw man argument. People were saying that it was a marker for concern and one so easily avoided.

[greenbananas]

I'm back, although I would rather have let the thread die. Am really regretting posting this.

My boys have been in proper pyjamas for the last two nights.

I asked ds1 if he was more comfortable in pyjamas, and he thought it was a really odd question. He said it doesn't matter either way.

Those of you who don't understand how it saves on washing probably have no conception of how dirty our house has become during the building work! It has almost certainly been unfit for human habitation by most people's standards. There is building dirt over everything and it has been really hard, especially as I'm normally quite obsessively clean and tidy. I have basically given up housework and concentrated on feeding the children, playing with them and making sure ds1 gets to school clean and on time with an adequate packed lunch.

Yes, ds1 has allergies, and yes, dust mites make his asthma worse. I have dusted the room we sleep in (we have all been sleeping in one room while this has been going on). Mud does not make his allergies worse.

sleeping in clothes does definitely save washing as nothing can be worn twice in this house at the moment. It is dirty within five minutes. I might have occasionally left the kids in mucky clothes, but I can't bring myself to put mucky clothes back on them once they have been taken off.

I wash the kids in the morning, so they start the day clean. They are filthy again within five minutes, but at least I have tried.

To sleep in clean sheets, I would have had to wash the sheets every day. I haven't had the time, or the money to spend at the laundrette. We have spent every penny we have (and could borrow) on making the house a more suitable place for the children, and making it into a place where I can run a business.

Anyway, I have a working washing machine again, and an oven and hob (after 4 months of cooking for a familywith multiple food restrictions on a camping stove, which takes a lot of time and planning).

I still think sleeping in clothes is not the worst crime in the world, and that the bedtime routine you are all talking about is culturally constructed. We have a bedtime routine (same things happening in same order, with lots of cuddles), but it isn't the same as some of yours.

I suppose I was really asking if sleeping in clothes was seen as neglectful. Clearly it is!

I deliberately haven't used any faces, smiley or otherwise in this post. ..

[Icelollycraving]

It's grim. I think you said your ds has allergies & uses an inhaler,does dust trigger it?

[stilldazed]

I think it's generally sad.

School trousers are usually nylon, man Made and so make you sweat, and a baby sleeping in woollen tights, i would be very un comfortable and hot in tights!

You don't need to wash pj's every night the same pair is fine for 3 nights if they don't have breakfast in them, hardly a big impact on Washing, if as you say, you are changing clothes every day,so you must be doing some Washing.

It's just lazy and to be honest i don't understand the tone of your posts and all the smily faces....you have no thing to be proud of.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Well that's the thing s t it Trinity
As I said, once they're there, everything becomes an issue.
Sometimes they find it had to prioritise tbh.

[TrinityRhino]

Lord. a lot of people on here do know the reasons for involvement. its no secret.
however those issues are no longer present.
they have said that themselves

[ZenGardener]

I sleep in a t shirt and pants in the summer. I don't think it's a big deal but I'd say jeans or school uniform is pushing it.

[sheriffofnottingham]

Do you live near a launderette? take a bag of dirty washing in and a nice lady will wash and dry it for you with no effort on your part at all. Alternatively if you can't afford a service wash and can palm the kids of on someone else for an hour you get to sit in peace a read a book and the machines are cheap and massive. I got a king size feather duvet and four pillows in last time I went.

[RunnerBeen]

My ds sometimes goes to sleep in the t-shirt he's had on in the day- i always put jammie or joggy bottoms on, i don't think he'd be at all comfortable sleeping in jeans.

i wouldn't keep that tshirt on him the next day though, and i wouldn't let him sleep in a uniform he was going to wear the next day either, that's just a bit on the clatty side for me.


as others have said, there are worse things you can do to yiur kids though, if you feel bad about it, go back to jammies, if you feel ok doing it carry on.

[GreenLandsOfHome]

Mine (aged 6 and 3) sleep naked. They are both really, really hot sweaty kids and wrap the blankets around themselves like a sleeping bag. Put them in PJs and they're soaked in sweat within an hour.

Lots of people think that's weird. It's not really something that I think about though.

[haveyourselfashandy]

Mine have a bath/shower before bed every night but wear the same pj's for a few nights running.
They get dressed before breakfast so don't think clean pair every night is necessary!
I don't think your neglectful at all op but I don't like the idea of children going to bed in the clothes they have had on all day.I can't imagine they are very comfortable,especially in school trousers and a polo shirt!

[LordPalmerston]

we dont really know WHAT the involvement is do we?

[LiberalLibertine]

I wish I could go a couple of days in the same uniform,ds (6) comes in filthy every day, he had to have a bath and fresh uniform every day.

[BoffinMum]

Neglectful IMO.
Bottom line is 2-3 baths a week and 2-3 uniform changes a week in this house (active, muddy boys). Also flannel use.
A bit of cuddling is not enough, you need to teach them self-care and self- discipline, and having structure and order to the day is part of that. Flopping into bed in your clothes is what drink and stoned people do.

[differentnameforthis]

LordPalmerston Oh come on!! There is over-involvement & being petty about odd socks, sharing clothes or a 14yr old cooking for herself.

It isn't like Trinity cooks for the rest of the family & leaves the 14yr old out, thereby FORCING her to fend for herself.