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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
diddl · 03/04/2014 14:28

So OP are you now not going to the wedding, but you & your husband are having a week's holiday at the same hotel?

RiverTam · 03/04/2014 14:29

I don't think so. Perhaps I have a better perspective on all this, as I have been both the person struggling with fertility, and the sister of someone struggling with fertility. I really do think, ham-fisted though it all is, that the bride really is trying to look out for her sister.

Bleuuuuurgh · 03/04/2014 14:31

Unbelievable! Strange & OTT reaction of the B&Gs to a horrible situation... Hope your DH apologises and the 'friends' see sense and apologise too...

Abra1d · 03/04/2014 14:32

I think this is awful. Sorry to hear this, OP.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 14:33

Diddl Nope having a weeks holiday at same hotel in first week of August, DH, myself and DC's. DH is going to ring friend back tonight. I couldn't have gone at same time and been conscious that they thought I would spoil things for them, don't need that stress at 29 weeks.

OP posts:
MrsHoolie · 03/04/2014 14:40

This is so ridiculous!
What will happen if other guests become pregnant before the wedding?!

sarahquilt · 03/04/2014 14:52

That's absolute bs and incredibly rude. I think the 2 of you should refuse to go and they should refund you. Sight - seeing? Seriously?

Curlyweasel · 03/04/2014 14:52

very much this: so its just bullshit bridezilla behaviour dressed up as sibling concern

bouncingbelle · 03/04/2014 14:53

Omg, my blood is actually boiling at this!! And I am going through fertility treatment at the moment, whilst My own sister and sister in law have both had babies in the past year and other sister in law is expecting one a few days after what would have been the due date of the baby I miscarried.

TOTALLY unreasonable and so glad your husband saw sense. I hope his friend is gutted when he realises your husband won't be there, you should never have been out in this position.

admits hormones may have made me out angry about this

IamaBreastfeedingTramp · 03/04/2014 15:03

What will happen if the sister gets pregnant?

Lora1982 · 03/04/2014 15:03

Im sorry you'll have to fork out more money but at least it will be an amazing family holiday. All the things your baby needs can be got quite cheaply (or credit!!!)

girlywhirly · 03/04/2014 15:13

YADNBU about this, Wedding. I'm appalled at DH's friend and the way he's behaved.

However, I think you are right to decline to attend the wedding (both of you) and put your family first. At least something good has come of it, your DC will enjoy their holiday with you.

I hope, unless the sister is in charge of the RSVP's and guest list, or someone with a big gob (her brother)lets on, she will never find out what has gone on. Unless she knows you and DH well she probably won't even notice you aren't there on the day.

EvaBeaversProtege · 03/04/2014 15:38

I'm glad you & the family will get a trip away.

Still can't believe how unreasonable the couple are being.

I hope they understand when your dh tells them - I hope your dh has the balls to tell them how unreasonable they have been!

NancyJones · 03/04/2014 15:48

Come back on tomorrow, OP and let us know how the phonecall went.
Judging by how your DH has reacted to all this, I wouldn't let him sneak upstairs for the chance to quietly tell his friend that he thinks ybu but these nothing he can do. I'd be there listening making sure he says it's not workable and that you'd spent a lot of money on the holiday.

PerhapsNot · 03/04/2014 16:27

OP, I hope you set aside the money that you would have spent on their wedding gift and treat yourself to something special to celebrate not going to their wedding.

HappyAgainOneDay · 03/04/2014 16:28

I have to add my experience. I'd never met my BiL (lives abroad) and my DH hadn't seen him for years. My DH and I were invited to his son's wedding and accepted. We booked flights. BiL heard that I had not changed my name on marriage so withdrew my invitation. My DH was cross so neither of us attended. We lost £400. BiL is well off better off than we are.

whitepuddingsupper · 03/04/2014 16:36

YANBU to be furious with the B&G, how bloody cheeky to suggest you spend money on a flight out there and then not actually attend their precious fucking wedding. I hope you get your bookings changed and have a great week in the sun with DH and DCs.

HappyAgainOneDay · 03/04/2014 16:38

I wonder if anyone else was uninvited?

InAGrump · 03/04/2014 16:41

So glad your husband's seen sense. Let us know wgat The Zilla's say when they're told!!!

Pawprint · 03/04/2014 16:42

Just ridiculous. Very rude of them to suggest you stay and go sight seeing.

I found fertility problems very hard indeed and it did hurt to see pregnant women. I went to a couple of weddings and there were pregnant women there. Yes, I did notice them. Yes, I was jealous. But that's life
.

eddielizzard · 03/04/2014 16:56

ridiculous reason for uninviting. is there anything else that she could be pissed off about and is using this as an excuse?

i do think this is the best outcome though. at least you all get a holiday now.

PerhapsNot · 03/04/2014 16:56

I wonder where you would draw the line. What if you thought you were an ugly bride would you uninvite anyone who you thought was prettier, or what if you were overweight or short or tall or unintelligent Confused

You would end up with lots of small weddings Wink

(I am not meaning to be glib about people who are having problems getting pregnant but some people can be very sensitive to looks etc)

MollyWhuppie · 03/04/2014 17:11

The thing is, there could well be other pregnant people going who might not even inform them of the pregnancy until much closer to the date - will the B&G uninvite them too?? If you had decided to keep it to yourselves until much later - what then?! So strange.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/04/2014 18:03

I wonder if it's actually the bride who is jealous and she's just using her sister as an excuse.

You said yourself she has been saying she's broody.

I'm getting married later this year and am wildly broody. I don't want to be a pregnant bride (I just don't, not judging!) so we can't try yet. I know I'd be envious if a friend got pregnant in the run up. I most certainly wouldn't uninvited them though! That is bonkers behaviour.

MrsWombat · 03/04/2014 18:06

I can't wait to hear friends response when your DH tells them you are not going at all. Smile

PS Come and join the November mums to be on the antenatal clubs board.