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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
ArsePaste · 04/04/2014 15:32

I've recently discovered that I'll never have children, after having suspected it for almost a decade. I have, in that time, got upset when friends have got pregnant, had babies, and it has been painful.

But, that has all been MY problem, quite frankly, and when I got married last year, my maid of honour was 7 months pregnant, and I wasn't bothered a bit, I was just happy to have her there. I could no more ask for pregnant women to be kept away from me than I could for the groom to suddenly morph into Hugh Jackman.

Yes, I get broody, and sometimes I get upset, but this is a deeply unpleasant situation the B&G have tangled themselves up in, and they'll be mortified then they realise. I'm sorry you've lost friendship over it, OP.

CalamitouslyWrong · 04/04/2014 15:35

Tbh, you don't need to say anything about the sister's fertility issues. Just tell people they uninvited you because you're pregnant. They may assume that the zillas didn't want you 'spoiling' their photos rather than anything else. There is no explanation for it that doesn't make them sound like arseholes.

BeCool · 04/04/2014 15:42

Even if it is the B&G TTC its still freaking nuts - they need to get a grip.

The OP has stated that there are many couples who could potentially be PG by the time the wedding comes around. The bride could even be PG by then if she is trying!!

And nothing excuses the text the groom sent the OP!

BeCool · 04/04/2014 15:45

Actually I think the Bride uninviting you due to her own fertility issues would be even worse to be honest - esp with their subsequent reaction to the OP's DH saying OK we won't come.

BoffinMum · 04/04/2014 15:46

a) they aren't really your friends.
b) they might not be married very long.

IMVHO

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/04/2014 15:50

Actually I think the Bride uninviting you due to her own fertility issues would be even worse to be honest - esp with their subsequent reaction to the OP's DH saying OK we won't come.

I agree, its effectively punishing OP for something she has no control over.

CalamitouslyWrong · 04/04/2014 15:50

I doubt the bride and groom are TTC. Bridezillas of this proportion would never plan to be pregnant at their own weddings. And the groomzillas would be equally against it because she can't look like a pwincess in a maternity wedding dress.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/04/2014 15:52

Its possible they've had tests Wrong, maybe they were planning a honeymoon baby and found out it might harder than they think.

Their extreme reactions, suggests its a lot closer to home.

NatashaBee · 04/04/2014 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 04/04/2014 15:58

Glad your DH saw sense!

NewtRipley · 04/04/2014 15:59

Lordy, they really have lost all sense of perspective

That crack about you coming between mates was gobsmacking and sexist.

MollyWhuppie · 04/04/2014 16:11

If it is actually B&Gzilla who are TTC they can't have been trying that long if planning an overseas wedding that they have already sent invites to, even if she hoped to be pregnant by the wedding. It would be pretty weird to organise a wedding abroad that you might not even be able to attend yourself due to being massively pregnant or having a newborn.

Wedding threads on MN never cease to amaze me! I can't believe there are so many twats around!!

PorkPieandPickle · 04/04/2014 16:13

Just sat on the bus reading this thread with this look on my face Shock

I had to have IVF. We got married the month before out first cycle. Both my bridesmaids were pregnant. I survived!!!!

DoItTooJulia · 04/04/2014 16:16

Bue that's what I thought when I'd calmed down, and still think to this day, even though it all happened more than 10 years ago.

When they found out I was pregnant, some years later and after their first child was born they sent me the most evil letter/poem hoping that I lost the baby. I, of course, lost the baby and several other ones before my ds's came along.

Sorry OP, didn't mean to derail, it's just that I totally understood the phone call thing with zilla ranting in the background and it all ending rather horribly.

CalamitouslyWrong · 04/04/2014 16:18

Wow, hope you lose the baby poetry...

I'm glad you've gone no contact with these people, Julia. They are beyond awful.

hoppingmad · 04/04/2014 16:22

Julia that is awful, evil is the right word for people like that. Sorry excuses for human beings.

MrsKoala · 04/04/2014 16:28

Julia - the question in situations like that is 'what is wrong with these people' and the answer is 'a lot'. What was their grievance with you being pregnant ffs? Confused And how could DH's parents side with behaviour like that? If i did that to my half sister my own mum (who is not hers) would side with her and possibly disown me till i got therapy. I find myself shocked daily at how dreadful people can be. i just cannot comprehend it.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 04/04/2014 16:30

Oh Julia Sad

PenguinsEatSpinach · 04/04/2014 16:32

And your DH is still able to be civil with them Julia Shock I'd have had to go non contact with any relative of mine who did that!

DoItTooJulia · 04/04/2014 16:37

Well, I don't have an awful lot to do with DHs family. What contact we do have is to assuage DHs guilt for the fact we rarely see them and they make him feel shitty about it.

DHs dad and wife actually kept a copy of the letter (I burned the one I had) and when the brother tried to make contact with me and couldn't understand why I rebuffed him (and neither could his parents 'after all it was all so long ago and clearly all her fault and she's long gone, so c'mon) fil dug out the letter, after I had reminded him of how awful it all was, and he called me to say he did understand, the letter was vile.

Nowadays I just don't let it bother me. It was their issue, not mine and they're not very nice and I am!

FiloPasty · 04/04/2014 16:38

I hope you have a nice family holiday. Weddings of people in their 30's are full of pregnant people, good luck for them with that one!

DoItTooJulia · 04/04/2014 16:40

DH was no contact for a long time, but after all these years his mum hasn't really got over it all and she engineers these situations to get the whole family together, so that she can pretend to play happy families.

After all these years DH will go to the odd thing and will be civil to keep the peace, but it's literally twice a year and he hates it. (I never go to these things).

MrsKoala · 04/04/2014 16:41

The thing that makes me even sadder about people like that Julia is that they have dc. how the hell can they bring them up 'normally' when they think it's okay to send hate mail to pregnant relatives for the audaxity of being pregnant. How did it affect them in any way?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/04/2014 16:44

Julia, Your DH must be one helluva a man, able to grit his teeth enough to be civil.

I couldnt be that civil after something so vile.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 04/04/2014 16:45

The thing that makes me even sadder about people like that Julia is that they have dc. how the hell can they bring them up 'normally' when they think it's okay to send hate mail to pregnant relatives for the audaxity of being pregnant. How did it affect them in any way?

When people start behaving like that I really do wonder whether personality disorders are at play. That's an incredibly narcissistic way to behave!

OP posts:
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