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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 04/04/2014 12:08

Oh. My. God.

What a pair of complete gits!

And the thing about 'coming between mates' er excuse me........... how immature is that.

I hope there's a fertility spike amongst the guest list.

ILoveWooly · 04/04/2014 12:11

Oh lord, they have behaved worse than I ever imagined. Your DH is right, you are both behaving with dignity.

EvaBeaversProtege · 04/04/2014 12:12

Just to clarify, wedding did you receive a save the date card or an invite or was it by word of mouth before you booked your flights?

Not that it makes a difference.

napoleonsnose · 04/04/2014 12:14

Just read this thread from the beginning and am absolutely gob-smacked that such twats people exist! Unfuckingbelivable. Every cloud has a silver lining and all that and I think that your silver lining is that you no longer have to associate with such selfish, ignorant tossers. Radio silence is defo the way forward, but make sure all mutual friends know the real reason you wont be there. Have a fab holiday with your DC instead Smile

Kitsmummy · 04/04/2014 12:14

I'd be tempted to email all your mutual friends this thread so that they get a clear picture of exactly what has gone on!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 04/04/2014 12:16

Just gobsmacked to read your update.

I hope you and dh enjoy telling mutual friends why you aren't there, they are bound to ask and I'm sure they won't see bride and groom -zilla's point of view.

Take care of yourself, and your lovely bump!

HiImBarryScott · 04/04/2014 12:17

They are unbelievably rude! I can't imagine what their SIL is going through, but they can't honestly expect to shield every pregnant person from her.

I have a feeling that the bride & groom will think very differently about this if their TTC efforts work out for them.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 04/04/2014 12:18

EvaBeaver they became engaged last summer and made it known then that they were looking to marry abroad. In November they made an announcement on Facebook that they had booked their wedding at said Mediterranean destination. We were tagged in that status. About a week later we received an invite with all the details, that's when we booked although we had priced it up before then.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 04/04/2014 12:22

tbh i think people like that are so self-absorbed they'll never realise what they've done because it's all about them. they are incapable of understanding anyone else's point of view.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 04/04/2014 12:23

You've just got to pray that more guests conceive between now and the wedding...!

hoppingmad · 04/04/2014 12:23

I've been sat ignoring dt's reading this thread for the past half an hour and I'm Shock

I wonder if they will have look back at this and just cringe at their twatishness.

Have a wonderful holiday op Smile. Sounds like this wedding is going to be more trouble than it's worth anyway if they expect to be in control of their guests reproduction.

BeCool · 04/04/2014 12:23

Wow what rude, misguided, entitled nobbers they are. Poor you OP!

On the plus side at least you have had a massive insight into their real personalities now - not nice at all.

Simply put, these people are not your friends. And the groom is not your DH's "mate".

I hope you can salvage something from this and have a lovely family holiday instead.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/04/2014 12:23

What an utter wanker his 'mate' is, quite a nasty selfish piece of work, if tge tables were turned I expect he would support his wife. Not much of a friend is he!

OnlyLovers · 04/04/2014 12:25

God, what a couple of twats. The 'friend's text to you is the icing on the cake.

They've shown their true colours, eh? I would also maintain radio silence. Good on your DH. I like 'we come as a package'. That's classy. Smile

Gruntfuttock · 04/04/2014 12:27

OP, regarding the comment "You took that chance when you booked" I'd find it very difficult indeed not to reply to that with:- "What? We took the chance that I might be uninvited? It never occurred to us that anyone would even think of doing such a thing, let alone a long-standing friend!"

I do sympathise with the anger and upset (plus expense) that this appalling behaviour has caused you and your DH. Absolutely unforgiveable and it's difficult to understand sane people thinking it's acceptable to treat you like this.

I'm also with the people who would love to know what the sister would say if she knew how the bridezillas had treated you.

SocialNeedier · 04/04/2014 12:29

Holy shit. Just finished reading the whole thread.

I'm normally a 'rise above it' type but I think in this instance I'd HAVE to reply and suggest they send a memo out to all the other guests politely asking them to postpone TTC until after the wedding. Just to be sure.

I'm sure the sister will be delighted that her fertility and mental health issues are being broadcast to all and sundry too.

What a pair of loony tunes.

PurpleAlert · 04/04/2014 12:32

"You took that chance when you booked"

What chance? Were you warned in advance that getting pregnant was disallowed? Did they provide all the invited guests with added contraception as a precaution? Shock

Some people really are up themselves- sounds like you have dodged a bullet there- don't sound like the sorts of friends I would want.

Also feel so sorry for the sister- bet she knows nothing about the fact that they are announcing her medical and mental problems to all and sundry.

Gotta hope she never finds out- she will be mortified...

MinesAPintOfTea · 04/04/2014 12:34

Isn't there a MN maxim that you can have the wedding you want and exclude whoever you want but you mist be gracious if the demands you put on your invitees cause them to decline?

You have accepted sort of that your presence may cause a member of the wedding party distress and thus aren't attending and your dh rightly puts spending time with his pregnant wife high on his priority list. What sort of weak-spined man child does the groom think your husband is?

MinesAPintOfTea · 04/04/2014 12:35

Oh and is your mil still friends with his mum? That could get complicated.

NancyJones · 04/04/2014 12:38

They both sound completely mad! And the text sounds like something a teenager would send!
I would email this thread to them so they can see that 100s of random people all agree they are bring unreasonable. And that included in those 100s of people are few women who have, themselves suffered from infertility but who still think your 'friends' behaviour is unreasonable.

CloverHeart · 04/04/2014 12:38

Fuck me, i wan't expecting that reply!

Right OP, give us the hotel and the dates and we will all turn up, heavily pregnant and wearing white, bouffant style wedding dresses as per TaliZorahVasNormandy's suggestion.....

.....I am also an expert photo-bomber Grin rubs hands together in evil glee

But seriously, this is obviously no friendship. After the wedding they will realise and feel nothing but embarrassment for their actions. The poor sister will find out at some point, too, and probably feel mortified that not only are they making others feel uncomfortable on her behalf, they are discussing her fertility issues will all and sundry!!!!!!

How utterly disrespectful of them, both towards you and the sister!

PerhapsNot · 04/04/2014 12:39

They are definitely on glue Shock

BeCool · 04/04/2014 12:40

Oh how I wish you could just take your children along too and have your family "summer holiday" in the middle of their wedding hotel, all the while ignoring them.

FryOneFatManic · 04/04/2014 12:42

I really feel sorry for the sister, who's having her medical issues broadcast to everyone.

AntoinetteCosway · 04/04/2014 12:44

Holy crap! They are AWFUL!!

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