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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 04/04/2014 11:38

I hope that there are lots of pregnant women there. In fact I might be inclined to hire some for the occasion.

The idea that you can keep someone from seeing pregnancy is bloody ridiculous.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 04/04/2014 11:38

I can think of a whole bunch of comebacks to that awful text, but I agree that dignified silence is the way to go. You won't be able to make them see how much they have upset you and behaved appallingly because all they are thinking about is their little bubble.

That's exactly what DH said!

OP posts:
AlpacaPicnic · 04/04/2014 11:39

Ooh, and when you get to the destination of the wedding, can you spend at least a day going round taking photos of bins, muddy puddles, surly looking waiters (bribe them to act if you must) and other unappealling looking things and post them on fb tagging all your friends in, with comments like 'urge, look at the state of this place' and 'don't think much of the pool' etc

CalamitouslyWrong · 04/04/2014 11:40

Unless they've booked out the whole hotel, I don't know how they imagine they'll entirely avoid the sight of a pregnant woman in a bikini or people with newborns. Are they going to suggest the SIL wears blinkers?

wannaBe · 04/04/2014 11:40

I would tell all of your mutual friends too. But I wouldn't tell them to up their contraception - I would tell them that if they happen to fall pregnant to ensure they don't mention it or they'll be uninvited as well....

AlpacaPicnic · 04/04/2014 11:41

Wedding

Then he is wise indeed ;)

Lottiedoubtie · 04/04/2014 11:43

I am Shock at the update. Those people are not your friends! So glad DH is firmly on your side now. Radio silence is def the way forward, they'll probably apologise after the wedding.

Weegiemum · 04/04/2014 11:44

Your dh was awesome!

101handbags · 04/04/2014 11:47

'You took that chance when you booked' - I simply don't understand this statement at all. Who books and arranges all the travel for a wedding abroad while thinking 'oh I may be uninvited later but I'll book anyway'. This just makes no sense whatsover. I've read the whole thread and I hope you have a lovely holiday. Nobody needs friends like these.

MinesAPintOfTea · 04/04/2014 11:47

Shock I have a nasty feeling they'll regret that one day. And that text was vicious!

Rise above. Gives them less mud to sling.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/04/2014 11:47

What a couple of inconsiderate wanks!!!!

But the cynic in me smells bullshit....

I reckon, they are trying to jiggling a setting plan or some shit, dropping you from the figures, eases that and they probably planned to pair your DH up with some singleton to make the numbers look right.

Or they dont want your pregnancy overshadowing the big day.

What if Dsil does indeed get pregnant, WeddingZillas will probably ban her too, for overshadowing their oh so special day.

andsmile · 04/04/2014 11:50

As someone up thead said - that is just bloody horrible.

Will her sister and her friend not see any babies children or pregnant people at the airport in the resort was is the delighful brude going to do then - hav the aiport cleared, book out the whole of the hotel?

I cant imagine anyone not being unsympathetic to anyne who has been trying for a long time for a much wanted baby - no matter what the means.

I'm afrai it is par for the course seeing babies etc and I understand that you have to try and minimise your exposure to the whole baby an family thing as a kind of self preservation. I have been there myself. But not at the expense of hurting and excluding other people.

andsmile · 04/04/2014 11:51

I'd be livid btw and would have to send and email to express this and loss of money etc.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 04/04/2014 11:52

Don't reply!

I hope what happens next is they go and tell the sis what they've done and instead of being grateful she says wtaf?!

I hope the vicar/official doing the wedding is 8 months pregnant.

TribbleWithoutATardis · 04/04/2014 11:52

Oh my gosh! What a pair of class A idiots! They're so up their own arses they can't see the sun for the moon. You've defiantly dodged a bullet there.

CSIJanner · 04/04/2014 11:53

Bloody hell! I've been following this but Groomzilla takes the blooming biscuit.

Ignore him and write off the friendship. If your DH wants to resume at some point, that's up to him but its clear by un inviting you and expecting your DH to attend, he doesn't give two monkeys about you, yourself or your baby. The wedding bubble is all encompassing and neither he or the bride can see beyond it or their own personal circumstances.

And if he thinks you've given an ultimation to your husband and he's buckled, he doesn't think much of DH as well.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/04/2014 11:53

101 You're right it makes no sense. You relied on the fact that were invited to the wedding and spent money on booking accommodation in good faith. They have backed of inviting you.

It would be different if you'd booked accommodation without them having invited you. If you assumed you were invited but then you weren't they could have said it was you not them who risked the money.

EvaBeaversProtege · 04/04/2014 12:01

I don't get how a guest being pregnant could overshadow a wedding?

Two of my sisters were pregnant bridesmaids, I had 2 pregnant (heavily in one case the boy was born the following day!) best friends plus 2 babies who were days old at my wedding!

This nonsense about stealing the show/limelight is crap. A wedding should be a celebration of friendships, future, and new beginnings... Not ooh look at me, aren't I a beautiful bride!!

TravelinColour · 04/04/2014 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenguinsEatSpinach · 04/04/2014 12:02

I am Shock at that update. What a pair of arses!

I can understand that things are tough for his sister. Of course, anyone would.

But to suggest that you are being unreasonable at both cancelling and that he should have been able to rely on your DH attending when you were disinvited is ridiculous. And to suggest that wedding guests who have been invited take a risk of being disinvited when they spend money.

As my grandmother would say, they've got more front than Blackpool!

Mama1980 · 04/04/2014 12:03

Wow just wow. They are utterly ridiculous, there are no words! As other have said I bet the sister has no idea and will be so embarrassed if she ever finds out.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you have a amazing holiday!

ENormaSnob · 04/04/2014 12:03

I would ensure that all mutual friends were aware of the situation.

inc screenshots of texts etc.

I would do my god damn best to make them social pariahs.

let the world know what cock ends they are.

Quinteszilla · 04/04/2014 12:05

Oh my word! They dont see that they are trying to come between a husband and a wife, with their behavior, when you are accused of coming between mates.

Poor bride, she wont have much loyalty from her husband in his marriage if he thinks mates are more important than wives....

Imnotmadeofeyes · 04/04/2014 12:06

enorma I'm dying to find out what mutual friends think. I think I'd be arranging dinner with a couple of the ones I suspected might be ttc soon if I were OP.

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 04/04/2014 12:07

OMFG! I'd just have to reply, I'd have to have one last go at getting them to see, futile as it may be, because then I'd truly know (and have the last word). I'd send Majestic's text suggestion about them being mortified in the future (but without the link to this thread!). I'd also make sure that other mutual friends were aware of exactly how you were uninvited so that there can be no confusion about how they behaved. I just couldn't let this go, they are vile.