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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
TheKnightsThatSayNee · 04/04/2014 11:14

You've dodged a bullet with that friendship. At least there is not ambiguity there definitely a bunch of tosses.

ZacharyQuack · 04/04/2014 11:14

Reply "I'm sorry, who is this?"

TheKnightsThatSayNee · 04/04/2014 11:15

At least there is no ambiguity they're definitely a bunch of tossers. Bloody iPhone.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 04/04/2014 11:19

I've promised DH that I won't reply and we will just maintain radio silence from now on even though I'm itching to tell the pair them what a pair of self-absorbed wankers they so we can show that it's not us that's being unreasonable.

OP posts:
ArtisanScotchEgg · 04/04/2014 11:20

So they are going to uninvite every and any guest that falls pregnant between now and the wedding? What if they arent informed about the pregnancy - does the guest get bundled out of the church?

Cerisier · 04/04/2014 11:21

I can't wait to hear what reaction your DH gets when he tells them.

Me too.

Imnotmadeofeyes · 04/04/2014 11:21

Wow.

I can understand feeling protective of the sister, but they're not doing her any favours. I'm also a bit shocked that they can't see how ur their 'request' actually is.

The best thing to do is ignore the text, but I probably couldn't help myself replying 'you've let your DF come between you. Never mind the insult of uninvinting me, you expect us to spend £xk for me to hide away like some sort of dirty secret. Have a word with yourself'

magesticmallow · 04/04/2014 11:21

They are unhinged!! I would text and say "I don't know if it's wedding stress or not but you are not acting like sane people at all, I think in time you will be mortified by your behaviour, perhaps at the moment you are too close to the situation to see clearly - perhaps this will help? link to thread"

Nutters!

Iloveonionchutney · 04/04/2014 11:21

I've just read the whole thread, I actually feel physically sick about how they have behaved!
Hope you enjoy your family holiday, and congratulations on the pregnancy!

Cerisier · 04/04/2014 11:22

Cross posted. Just saw the update Shock.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 04/04/2014 11:25

Imnotmadeofeyes I'm so tempted to send your text, however I really don't want it to descend into that. That's not us at all, we actually lead a pretty laid back easy going life, we don't usually do drama. Not that you'd tell from this thread!

OP posts:
BecauseIsaidS0 · 04/04/2014 11:25

That couple is insane (and not very good friends, if you ask me).

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/04/2014 11:26

I think your DH handled things well. I'd just step back from the bride and groom for now. Maybe they'll realise how unfair they've been to you in time and apologise. If not no loss :(

SpringBreak · 04/04/2014 11:27

thank goodness their wedding was booked somewhere you'd want a holiday and not in eg Crakow / Turin or some other industrial town (apologies in advance to those from Crakow / Turin taking umbrage)

LyndaCartersBigPants · 04/04/2014 11:28

I would send Majestic's text.

Especially with a link to this thread so that they can see how unhinged they are!

BalloonSlayer · 04/04/2014 11:31

God I would be so tempted to reply "Well I never had you down as the sort of bloke who would try to come between a friend and his wife. Thanks for that."

drivenfromdistraction · 04/04/2014 11:32

What crazy people. You said upthread that they are keen to start TTC, so will be interesting to see how they handle that situation!

Bue · 04/04/2014 11:32
Shock

SpringBreak I like both Krakow and Turin! Grin

thebody · 04/04/2014 11:33

oh blimey. good in your dh.

however I would have to put it as an announcement in FB tagging the bride/groom
and all the guests telling them exactly what has happened and warning all the female guests against pregnancy before the wedding.

I would email/text the same to every guest who wasn't on FB.

sorry I don't do rising above when, well, really roused.

CalamitouslyWrong · 04/04/2014 11:34

'You took that chance [that we'd be utter arseholes and uninvite you so you'd lose loads of money] when you booked'. Now there is someone telling you that they are a really horrible and totally self-obsessed person.

It almost makes you hope that they get a nice bout if honeymoon diahorrea.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 04/04/2014 11:35

drivenfrondistraction yes we are watching that situation with interest. They were she was going on, I got the distinct impression that they would have a honeymoon baby.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/04/2014 11:35

I love balloonslayer's reply. It's so good I think I'd change my vote to responding to them rather than rising above it...

AlpacaPicnic · 04/04/2014 11:35

Well, I didn't expect that outcome... I agree, you have totally dodged a bullet there.

I can think of a whole bunch of comebacks to that awful text, but I agree that dignified silence is the way to go. You won't be able to make them see how much they have upset you and behaved appallingly because all they are thinking about is their little bubble.

I would however, and this is because I am a total bitch, 'warn' all of your mutual friends to up their contraception levels in case the same fate befalls them... Get the word out subtly.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 04/04/2014 11:36

Sorry the way, bloody iPads and hormonal pregnant women do not mix!

OP posts:
Imnotmadeofeyes · 04/04/2014 11:37

wedding, definitely the right way!

I want to shake them, so I can't imagine how you and your dh feel.

I actually really feel for the sister here. I bet they've not actually spoken to her. I can imagine she's vented to her sister about her feelings, it doesn't mean she expects the world to revolve around her, especially for an event in August. Her own circumstances could change massively before then and her head could be in a much better place. I'd be mortified if a found out people had been dictating to others like that on my behalf.

Like others have said, what are they planning to do about their own family planning? Wait until she's successful or never have children unless she does?

Complete madness. She might be sad, but what would have been wrong with a heads up to you both so you could both be aware around each other.

Fwiw I'm having fertility issues and others pregnancies do sting, but I can't expect the rest of the world to stop while I deal with it.

I hope you have a lovely holiday and pregnancy. Although I think the damage is done, I also hope they realise how wrong they are on this one.

What on earth are they planning on telling mural friends? Maybe that'll be the thing that drops the penny when they get a few Hmm faces.