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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
Runningtrainers · 03/04/2014 20:58

I hope you have a lovely holiday as a family.

EvaBeaversProtege · 03/04/2014 21:51

Are you staying in the same hotel the wedding party will be staying in a few weeks later?

A really evil person would let the world know that the hotel wasn't as high a standard as they were used to...

Aeroflotgirl · 03/04/2014 21:57

The problem is your dh, he is not supporting you and us being a big twat. He wants to have his cake and eat it! Put your foot down, you as his wife come first over his friend, despite the friends reasoning, tgey are being very rude and disrespectful to you.

magoria · 03/04/2014 21:58

I think you need to read the thread Aero Grin

I am glad you and your H have resolved this between you.

Shame about his friends let's hope they realise what twits they are being before totally ruining a life long friendship

Aeroflotgirl · 03/04/2014 22:00

Oh great read tge update, glad dh us sticking by you. It is totally unacceptable and rude to expect you to gang around like a spear part alone, whilst everyone is enjoying tge wedding.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/04/2014 22:00

Hang silly auto correct

Pipbin · 03/04/2014 22:02

YANBU I had my second failed IVF attempt this year and pregnant people are bloody everywhere. I have held three babies this week alone!
It's hard but she is going to have to deal with it.
I appreciate the sisters concern for her though, but this is not right.

Ratbagcatbag · 03/04/2014 22:16

I think they will regret this in a week or so, how sad. :( enjoy your lovely family holiday instead. :(

Ratbagcatbag · 03/04/2014 22:17

Should have been :) at the end. Doh!!

FriendofDorothy · 03/04/2014 22:19

Probably my favourite thread if the day and desperate to know what the B&G say.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 03/04/2014 22:26

What a shocker Shock

The B&G have stooped to an all time low IMO.

Op - I'm glad to know that you've managed to rearrange and will get a family holiday instead. I can't wait to hear what reaction your DH gets when he tells them.

MamaPingu · 03/04/2014 22:47

People truly are ridiculous!!

How can hiding all pregnant women help sil?
She'll see them allover and be thinking of it all the time anyway.
Surely they should be hiding all children from sil aswell Hmm

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 03/04/2014 22:55

I think they will regret this as well - it's so ill thought out, it's impractical, the sister would no doubt be horrified if she knew and now they will miss out on having important friends attend their wedding whilst there is bound to be a pregnant guest anyway! (Hopefully the sister, things may work out for her by then!)

Their original plan was ridiculous, if you were in the same hotel then attending the wedding or not would make no difference.

BethCalavicci · 03/04/2014 22:56

Haven't read all the replies, but I'm with the poster that said FFS, there are pregnant people everywhere and she'll have to get used to it.
What's she expected to do from now on? Go around with her eyes closed in case she sees a pregnant woman that upsets her?! Grin
Life goes on. Sometimes life's shit and throws you lemons instead of lemonade, but there's no point dwelling. It will be hopefully your turn soon.
In the meantime, you can't go around believing everyone else will be sulking and in a bad mood too.
You shouldn't just 'suck it up.' It is most definitely their problem, and not yours.

BethCalavicci · 03/04/2014 22:57

That Grin should have been a Hmm anyway. As you were. Blush

mummytime · 03/04/2014 23:08

As an aside: could your sore throat be caused by the pollution?

CloverHeart · 04/04/2014 08:57

How did the phone call go OP? I hope some sort of resolution has been reached and groom realises what an arsehole he has been

CloverHeart · 04/04/2014 09:00

P.s - Thinking all pregnant ladies on here should book a holiday in the same hotel that just happens to be the same week as the wedding [evil] Grin

BoffinMum · 04/04/2014 09:02

Clover, we should organise a MN holiday meet up specially

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/04/2014 10:15

^^In wedding dresses, just wind the bride up Grin

WeddingNightmare123 · 04/04/2014 11:06

Ok we have an update and even more fucking furious!

DH: Hi there just ringing to let you know that I'm sorry but we won't make the wedding. Mrs Wedding and I will just feel too uncomfortable and I really don't want my heavily pregnant wife left to her own devices while I'm at the wedding. I'm sorry mate but we come as package.

Silence for about 10 seconds

Friend: Are you kidding me?!

DH: No I'm not, to be honest we're both very angry as we spent a considerable amount of money to be there and you uninvited Mrs Wedding through no fault of her own. We've had to spend a fortune to change the booking.

Bridezilla can be heard in the background.

Friend: You took that chance when you booked. Look I've explained this to you mate and we're both pretty pissed off that you aren't being understanding. Her sister is in a bad way mentally and we just can't put her through that. Can't you show a bit of understanding?

Bridezilla heard shouting.

DH: I really feel for your sil and can't even begin to know what she's going through but she can't hide from pregnant women forever they are everywhere. What if another of the guests becomes pregnant between now and August, there's a good chance, you know that come on we're all in our thirties!

Friend becoming flustered, lots of huffing and puffing.

Friend: Well it's good to know I can count on my mates, nice to know where I stand.

Slams phone down.

DH now sure he's done the right thing but we are both speechless.

I woke up this morning to a text sent late last night from his friend saying
"I never had you down as the type of woman who would come between mates. Thanks for that."

WTAF! They just don't get and they are never likely to are they?

OP posts:
SlightlyDampWellies · 04/04/2014 11:10

Well, when people tell you who they really are and the type of people they really are, they are doing you a favour.

I am sorry that you have lost your friends. But they are truly not worthy of your friendship.

KoalaFace · 04/04/2014 11:11

Shock you poor thing!

They are wackadoodle. Try and distance yourself from them now. Emotionally distance yourself from it all especially as you really don't need this nonsense!

Did you reply?

EvaBeaversProtege · 04/04/2014 11:11

Omg.

I hope you replied to her?

What a pair, seems like they deserve each other!

They really did expect your dh to attend their wedding without you!

ZacharyQuack · 04/04/2014 11:14

"You took that chance when you booked." What?