to expect dp to be surgically sterilized rather than me?

[ikeaismylocal]

Dp and I both have fertility issues, it took years and nearly IVF to conceive ds, we never thought we'd have to worry about contraception as it seemed impossible to get pregnant. As it turns out it was much easier to get pregnant with dc2, I'm currently pregnant despite not tracking ovulation and breastfeeding ds1.

We are starting to think about the future and the need for contraception, I'd love 4 children but dp only wants 2. I have a family history of blood clotting disorders and I have been advised not to take hormonal contraceptives.

We could use condoms although they make me a bit sore, we could use the rhythm method but that may not work.

The logical solution would be for one of us to be surgically sterilized. I feel that as I have had the physical strain of pregnancy, birth, post birth recovery and breastfeeding that dp should be the one to have an operation. I also feel that as I have a small dream of having more children I don't want to burn those fertility bridges so to speak.

Dp feels it would be wrong for him to have a vasectomy despite not wanting anymore children, he feels it would make him feel less of a man.

Aibu to think that if one of us is going to get sterilized it should be him?

YANBU

If he definitely doesn't want any more children then his choices are vasectomy or abstaining.

The OP shouldn't have to use contraception if she doesn't get on with it.

If I were in your situation I'd use the rhythm method and take the risk of a 3rd child.

Why is deslorelin not used in humans?

Genuine question - I tried google and found a reference to atrophy of some testicuar structures if given post puberty (which you might risk for your pet, but possibly not for yourself or DH/DP). Is that right, and is that it or are there other reasons?

OP can I just reiterate that there's a huge difference between the old 'rhythm method' and the sympto thermal method described upthread. Taking care of your fertility is a great book and site.

I'm not saying it's the answer as you both need to be totally committed and discliplined and even if you are the failure rate is higher than many of the alternatives, though better than the diaphragm.

The country we live in gives equal legal rights to cohabiting couples as married couples, there is a special category which translates to partners living together. It's much more common for couples to have kids and get married later or not at all.

I'm comfortable with relying on breastfeeding as contraception for the first 6 months after birth, my period didn't return until ds started eating solids after 6 months. That gives us some time to consider the options.

I have spent years being angry and frustrated with my lack of fertility, I can imagine years where I'm frustrated with trying to suppress my fertility, I think it's a good lesson that we aren't always in control of our own bodies.

there is a special category which translates to partners living together

It's called 'de facto' here.

Couples living together don't have equal rights to married couples here though.

"dp is certain that he doesn't want more children but he expects me to sort out the contraception for the next 20+ years"
All the pros and cons aside - and I have certainly learned more about the cons on this thread - I see the real problem as this expectation of the OP's DP. He wants something (could be anything); but he doesn't want to make it happen, he wants someone else to make it happen. By all means he shouldn't have an operation he doesn't want, but OP should also not have an operation she doesn't want.

YABU sorry. I see where you are coming from but can see your DP's point of view as I am the same. I have 5 DC and 3 of those births were traumatic and one life threatening, also multiple c sections. I have also lost 4 babies, 2 late, have blood clotting and weak cervix which means extreme interventions in pregnancy with a high risk of late loss. Despite all that I can't cope with doing anything permanent because after loosing the babies and problems ttc, my fertility meant a lot to me, psychologically. DH was never that keen on the snip so i didn't push him, although many of my friends talked their husband's into it, I didn't feel that was fair to DH. Therefore i use a coil which is as good as sterilisation pretty much yet I don't have to deal with the emotional side of becoming infertile.