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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is not normal to expect intercourse to last an hour... is it??

207 replies

justkeeponsmiling · 16/03/2014 16:41

So... I was talking to my friend the other day and asked her how the relationship with her new partner was going and she said it was ok but the sex was disappointing. When I asked her to clarify, she said her new man didn't "last as long" as her xbf.
Apparently, the only way she can come is by having actual intercourse for ages. Foreplay doesn't do anything for her and she said she can take it or leave it. So, when asked how long she was expecting it to last, she said at the very least half an hour, preferably an hour or longer!
Now, DH and I have been together for 13 years and have three DCs (my friend has no DCs), so to be fair memories of our sex-life at the start of our relationship, pre DCs is a bit hazy, but I was still a bit Shock and she was genuinely surprised by my reaction.
I wouldn't find it odd to want an hours worth of foreplay (oh, what it must be like to have that much time...) but actual intercourse?
I told her that if my DH expected to pound me for over an hour on a regular basis I'm sure my undercarriage would soon be turning into leather...
AIBU??

OP posts:
SometimesLonely · 16/03/2014 16:59

Every couple everyone is different. 20 years ago I had a couple of liaisons and with one it was six (yes, six) orgasms in one 'event' (all night) and more than once. I couldn't believe it. But it really happened. Soooo different.

It meant that I realised that my life had changed and I had a wonderful life after that and still have. Go for what you want need without spoiling what you already have. Yes, it's possible.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 16/03/2014 16:59

God, no. I'd want the actual sex bit to last 10-15 minutes MAX.

Actually, 10.

Original poster
justkeeponsmiling · 16/03/2014 16:59

I agree that she is being unfair to her new man, and unrealistic in her expectations. I told her so too but I think she didn't believe me

OP posts:
ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 16/03/2014 17:01

An actual whole hour?

Ouch.

DrMaybe · 16/03/2014 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Backtobedlam · 16/03/2014 17:05

How would you find the time for it to last an hour? Quick 10mins when we can fit it in (pardon the pun)!

TheKnightsThatSayNee · 16/03/2014 17:05

No thanks id rather have half that time and a cup of tea.

eddielizzard · 16/03/2014 17:07

sounds like a porn movie. i thought nobody in rl did that

TheNightIsDark · 16/03/2014 17:07

Blush My mind wanders after 10 minutes!

WilsonFrickett · 16/03/2014 17:09

What does she do with her face for an hour of actual shagging? You can't sustain a 'oooh yeah yeah baby' expression for an hour, surely?

MammaTJ · 16/03/2014 17:09

Good God no! That would never do. I would certainly be even more inclinced to choose sleep over sex if it went on that long.

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 16/03/2014 17:09

DH likes to go at it for an hour or so. I like a sit down and a cuppa. We meet somewhere in the middle.

MadAsFish · 16/03/2014 17:11

An hour? For the actual penis in vagina bit? Why would you want to - I mean it's nice and all that but there's a certain length of time after which you start wondering what you need at the shops tomorrow or whether your partner has some kind of medical problem

This, completely.

WilsonFrickett · 16/03/2014 17:12

This thread is above a thread about how long it takes to pack a house move on my threads I'm on, tis making me giggle to have one pane saying 'yars, yars, two weeks is enough with plenty preparation' followed by 'five minutes max if you get the lubrication right' comments.

LaQueenOfHearts · 16/03/2014 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chloerose75 · 16/03/2014 17:14

Geez. About 20 min is ideal for the actual sex part IMO, maybe an hour all in including foreplay! I do think 10 min is a bit too quick though unless it specifically has to be a quickie

SometimesLonely · 16/03/2014 17:15

It sounds as if the majority on here have children or other distractions that they have to be wary of...

Our two were told that they must not enter our bedroom unless the door were open. They were very young and began to knock if they wanted attention ..... I even have a lovely photo of them (3 and 2) lying asleep on the floor in the hall outside the sitting room (carpet burns, anyone?) in their home made pyjamas .... Were we too disciplinarian?

A lot of back story there .....

usualsuspectt · 16/03/2014 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoJolly · 16/03/2014 17:17

I would be requesting an interval for wine & nibbles if I had to carry on for an hour Grin

LaQueenOfHearts · 16/03/2014 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilsonFrickett · 16/03/2014 17:20

YY laqueen I usually go eyes lightly closed for that very reason, but if I had my eyes shut for an hour, I'd nod off which isn't very kind, is it?

DracuLaura · 16/03/2014 17:21

Is her xbf Sting, OP?

Fifyfomum · 16/03/2014 17:22

An hour of actual sex just sounds like an awful waste of an hour. You could do the washing up AND catch up on Casualty in that time.

harriet247 · 16/03/2014 17:23

Dp always aims for an hour and tbh my mind does start wandering. He was mortified the other night when he only lasted 10 mins or so. I much muvh much prefer it but dp thinks all the acrobatics is essential and it is sooo not!

Groovee · 16/03/2014 17:23

I couldn't imagine spending an hour on it these days. The slightest creek of the bed has our teen out wondering what the noise is!