To Question What The Hell Went On In This Loo...

[NurseyWursey]

Don't read if you're squeamish with poo

Walked into the Tesco loos, went into a cubicle..

There was poo on the toilet seat, walls and a massive pile in the toilet. But the thing that bothered me most was, there was no toilet roll on top of the poo.

who even does that??

Share your code brown stories if you wish ;)

This thread is amazing.

Years ago, worked as a nurse. Day 1 on the ward, elderly lady with head injury launched a dry old truncheon sized poo at me.(She missed- good thing too, it would jave been like being smacked with a baseball bat)

Day 2: panicking man trying his best to sort his colostomy out ends up flicking copious amounts of very wet liquid shite up the wall and ceiling.

I'm still NHS 20+ years later. Poo holds no fear for me. Sputum however. Bleeeurgh.

Have read the whole thread I and I am STILL wondering how teh OP found the culprit that pooed in her mug .

Portaloos are the worst, it's like any human decency has left the building. I ran the London marathon last year and one of my main priorities was not to need the loo on the way round, based on previous race loo experience.

I once read a blog by a really funny runner who described one portaloo as looking like a shit grenade had gone off in it. Another friend found a shit soaked t shirt on the floor. No toilet paper? Hmm I know, I'll use my t shirt!

I will leave you one final nugget of advice. Never ever use a portaloo on a very windy day. They are quite possible to topple over with very messy consequences for anyone locked inside.

Indeed nurseywursey, it wasn't my finest hour. I can quite see why noro is capable of finishing off those whose physical health is already at a low ebb!

Re marathon, isn't there a condition called runners' diarrhoea?

shredme, have a drool at this on the subject of portaloos

Drool? My phone does not recognise the word dekko! No, don't drool.

Recently went to the loo in Tesco (A lot of this type of thing going on in Tesco and never Waitrose?! Lol!) Early pregnancy and feeling nauseous.

Greeted with the sight of a pair of boxer shorts in the sink covered in poo, poo all over the toilet seat, on the handle and a big pile in the loo - I backed away hastily and waited for the other cubicle then told the young assistant on the checkout that the loo needs some attention! How I wasnt sick I don't know!

Definitely not drool-worthy!

Yes the runners trots is a very genuine affliction. I know every public toilet within a 20 mile radius - just in case!

being trapped inside a portoloo that has fallen over is my worse nightmare, it is now much much worse

aside from that, what a funny thread.

I used to work for NHS Direct. On my first day of training I found a turd in an NHS carried bag on the floor in the ladies loos

Oh oh and one of my friends was tipped up in a portaloo... He got covered in blue shit and broke his shoulder.

Not sure which is worse.

Fishandjam that poor, poor man!

In my last office we developed a Phantom Shitter when loads of teams moved into the building. It therefore couldn't be pinned on one team but one pregnant lady put up polite signs because it was so horrendous. Having been pregnant and sick I totally get her desperation. There were 3 loos and often you'd have to flush all three & wait to see which one was bearable after that. Women can be disgusting. Sharing poo stories at work in Asda a colleague encountered a turd at the back of the toilet seat (so on that flat bit at the back) That's taking hovering to a whole new level!

In my new office there are only two toilets which mean queues build up but no one dare leave anything as there'll be someone waiting to use it!

If a big man poo blocks the loo again don't cut it up with a knife. Pour a kettle of boiling water on it, it'll melt the fats and break up the poo.

2 stories everyone. I lived in South America in the Andies. The ladies wore full skirts and regularly just squatted, did what they had to do then just walked away.... any where and any time. And, the chopping poo thread....When training to be a nurse, one old lady did a poo the size of a French stick and I had to chop it up to flush it away. That didn't worry me as such...all I could think off was how much better she must feel!! And yes, in certain situations /illnesses...you can vomit faecal matter. It is shocking and very frightening for the patient and is usually a medical emergency. I have had to shower/wash my hair and change my uniform because some poor soul did this. He died later that same day. Sad.

Can I just add to this thread...Vomit!! Imagine getting a whole pack of readybrek, mixing with chopped veg (mostly carrot!) and about 3 litres of milk.... stand at loo door and just chuck it in. My DS did this as a teenager...God, took ages to clean it up. He wasn't drunk btw, genuinely ill so I couldn't make him do it..

And portaloos...my friends and I have an agreement that if any of us need to use one of the bloody things, we all stand round and take turns...just to make sure no stupid joker thinks about tipping it over....

Pipbin chopping a poo is way less traumatic than making a nuclear poo steam cloud!

My old boss told me in the last job shed worked in, every day in the ladies loo there would be a big turd in the middle of the floor.

lettucelamp that story rings a bell with me but I can't remember where I heard it. Have you told it on here before? Or maybe I know your old boss or someone else who worked there and they told me. Or maybe there's more than one fussy shitter who carries a compass to the loo.

Similar story to a pp.
when my friend was at uni she pulled another lad from uni on a night out when back to his halls and did the deed.
Next morning he when to a lecture and told her to let herself out when she was ready as the doors automatically lock.
She has a poo but it wouldn't flush not wanting to leave it she puts it in a carrier bag to take home she gets ready leaves just as the fire locks behind her remembers she left it on his bed.

Bet he thought It was her way of telling him he was shit in bed.

(She also regularly bumped in to him round uni and on nights out)

DH used to work in a public library. One day in the e-library (computer room, very open access) he found a poo smeared across one of the seats. Not a small smear suggesting someone had sat in something and accidentally transferred it, but a full-on turd that had been squished. How had no-one noticed?!

That reminds me, does anyone want a slice of sticky gooey, thick gloopy chocolate cake . I was going to eat it but for some reason my appetite has vanished...

I read or heard of someone who shat themselves (not sure if they were pissed or stricken with a bug) after a night of passion with a new partner, they snuck to the bathroom and cleaned themselves up and then very gently rolled their sleeping bedfellow into the shitblasted side of the bed .... in the morning the (non guilty) partner woke up covered in shit mortified that they had shat the bed!

I was shopping in Asda once and thought I'd treat myself to some new jeans. It was late evening and quite quiet in the store.
Went into the changing room to try the jeans on...someone had had diarrhoea on the FLOOR of the CHANGING ROOM.

Switched to Morrisons after that. Less poo.

Could be worse. I thought you were going to say you put the jeans on and someone had shat in those.