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Original poster

To Question What The Hell Went On In This Loo...

210 replies

NurseyWursey · 14/03/2014 18:45

Don't read if you're squeamish with poo

Walked into the Tesco loos, went into a cubicle..

There was poo on the toilet seat, walls and a massive pile in the toilet. But the thing that bothered me most was, there was no toilet roll on top of the poo. Confused

who even does that??

Share your code brown stories if you wish ;)

OP posts:
MeLovelyNeighbour · 14/03/2014 21:42

Sorry... I keep popping back. Am still laughing.
I have never done a poo in the cinema!
NurseyWursey... where have you gone? Are you OK and happy?
Am off to bed shortly, the laughing has worn me out!

wherethewildthingis · 14/03/2014 21:45

Years ago I worked in supported housing for teenagers. One Friday night one of the tenants did a huge poo in the bath. The weekend staff felt they didn't get paid enough to do anything about it. It was mid summer and a heat wave. That was the Monday morning I gave my notice in and scooped a three day old poo into a bucket with a fishing net

FelixFelix · 14/03/2014 21:49

I work in an office. A couple of years ago, someone did a dump in the bin in the ladies toilets. Not even the main bin next to the sinks, it was a bin without a lid in one of the cubicles literally right next to the toilet. I can't even think of a reason why they would do this. I'm still suspicious of every one of my colleagues.

Also I used to work in a Co-op when I was at college. It was in the rough end of the village and we used to lock up the disabled toilets as kids kept messing about in them. A load of gypsies parked on the field behind the shop one weekend a one of them came in demanding to use the toilet. The person on the kiosk refused to give out the key, so the man wandered down to the wine and spirits aisle, pulled down his kegs and curled one out right on the shop floor. I had to clean it up Sad

I used to work in a soft play area after leaving school (worst job EVER) and a child once did a very runny poo in the ball pool. I had to clean that one up too.

Every job I've had has had a poo related incident!

MoreBeta · 14/03/2014 21:57

When I started work some decades ago I noticed there was always talcum powder all over the gents loos.

One day I mentioned this to my boss and asked where the shower was as I had never been able to find the door.

He leant forward in a sort of conspiratorial way and said "I think you'll find its not talcum powder".

I was so naive in those days. Blush

ShredMeJillianIWantToBeNatalie · 14/03/2014 21:58

Oh God we had a Phantom Crapper at an office I used to work in. He or she used to strike once or twice a week, third floor toilets, which were situated off a staircase shared with several other employers. Huge piles of shit all over the floor, on the wall, even on the (closed) toilet lid.

The sense of paranoia in the office was terrible. People used to go to the loo in pairs and ask their partner to check the cleanliness of the toilet afterwards. And God help anyone who spent a suspiciously long time in there.

OpalQuartz · 14/03/2014 21:59

It's some sort of Freudian stage that they're stuck in I think. It's something you resolve as a toddler once you're toilet trained, but some people never achieve that level of maturity

Anyone know why this happens? Was the person traumatised when they were at that stage, or do they have general delays or something?

MeLovelyNeighbour · 14/03/2014 22:05

MoreBeta... I am very probably being a bit thick... but I have no idea what you're talking about... why was there talcum powder over the gents loos and why couldn't you find the door to the showers. And what was it if not talcum powder. Mind boggling with all of this.

Am completely lost here - help!

MarianneEnjolras · 14/03/2014 22:07

Cocaine?

thegreylady · 14/03/2014 22:08

MoreBeta what was it then? Sorry I have been trying to work it out in context and I can't think of anything yukky that looks like talc (thick old bat me).

MoreBeta · 14/03/2014 22:18

Cocaine.

The place was literally covered in cocaine. I mean literally covered. It was everywhere every day.

I had no idea what it was I was so naieve.

Original poster
NurseyWursey · 14/03/2014 22:18

Defo coke

Must be rich people to leave it about!

OP posts:
Original poster
NurseyWursey · 14/03/2014 22:20

I'm here lovelyneighbour I was just having something to eat! Only ate a breadstick today so DP got me a nice takeaway!

OP posts:
thegreylady · 14/03/2014 22:22

Wow you could have swept it up and made a fortune :)

DorothyGherkins · 14/03/2014 22:33

Used to work weekends in a large posh country manor type hotel where fraightfully naice people used to stay. One weekend, I was checking the wardrobes had been emptied - found a huge turd very nicely rolled up in an expensive white shirt. That was a bit of a surprise!

MoreBeta · 14/03/2014 22:35

Nursey - they were very well paid and didn't care. One man left the firm under a bit of a cloud. He put in his last monthly expenses claim which turned out to have racked up to £100k in one month!

Melonbreath · 14/03/2014 22:41

Laughing my arse of at all these spite shits people have been leaving all over the place

Melonbreath · 14/03/2014 22:41

Laughing my arse of at all these spite shits people have been leaving all over the place

neverlookback · 14/03/2014 22:45

My Dp admitted once when he was around 17/18 and still lived at his parents he was so drunk he stuck his bum out of his bedroom window and poo'd onto the bay window flat roof below!!! This was at the front of the house on quite a busy road too ??

Can't believe he admitted it really!!!

DorothyGherkins · 14/03/2014 22:49

I was once washing my hands, when a woman came in to use the public toilets. She walked into the first cubicle, said in a very loud dramatic voice. Oh. My. God. And promptly walked straight back out again. I was dying to go and have a look to see what prompted such an outburst, but I was overcome all ladylike! I would have gone for a look though if no one else had been around!

Original poster
NurseyWursey · 14/03/2014 22:51

I read a story..

Woman had met a man in a bar. Slept at his house. He went to work early in the morning, and told her to let herself out. She went to the toilet in the morning but it wouldn't flush so she put it in a food bag to take with her and throw it in the bin. Only she left it on the kitchen side and only realised once she'd locked herself out. She'd even write a note and left him her number beforehand.

OP posts:
neverlookback · 14/03/2014 22:51

Ooh I've got more!! When my great auntie rose passed away and my dm and dgm had to clean her house etc they found stockings full of rolled up dried pooh balls!!!!! She did have some dementia!

And once when walking the dog who loves to eat all kinds of stinky animal pooh she ran off and I found her at the base of a tree eating a massive human turd!! It was all over her face! I was luckily next to a reservoir so had to drag her away and with pooh bags on my hands try to wash her and get her home and disinfect her!! She didn't kiss me for a while after thatWink

Fairylea · 14/03/2014 22:54

Oh dear... On one of my first dates with my ex I had an uncontrollable urge to rush to the loo just as we sat down in the cinema. I am the least comfortable person with pooing in public ever, so to have very nearly literally shit myself in a busy cinema on a Saturday night was mortifying enough. ..and then there wasn't any toilet paper! I ended up using the very expensive red lacy knickers I had brought purely for the purposes of a sexy evening to wipe my arse with and then winced as I placed them in the sanitary bin!

I then walked, commando and feeling quite ill but surprisingly better for it, back to my seat and watched the film.

Eventful evening.

flummoxedlummox · 14/03/2014 22:54

I remember when I worked in a train repair yard, coming back from lunch to find someone had done one in my mates work glove whilst we been away, he had no enemies we were ever aware off.

Fishandjam · 14/03/2014 22:59

iloveglyfada, when DH and I went on hols to the Libyan Sahara (years ago before it all went a bit TU) we were told it was fine to pinch one off out in the dunes, but on no account to leave any bog roll or wipes behind. Apparently the dung beetles would sort out your actual poo (though the feeble lily-livered gits refused to even countenance mine once I developed amoebic dysentery) but the paper wouldn't degrade in such an arid environment and therefore there would be shitty bog roll blowing about the trackless desert for all eternity. We each had a little bag full of used paper that was firmly tied up and put in the general waste sack each morning.

TheFabulousIdiot · 14/03/2014 23:06

When I was about 15 or so I shat my pants on the way out of school. What I remember is that it was break time, possibly lunch, and I knew i was going to poo so I started to walk home. My brother was with me for some reason. I ducked behind a wall near the Masonic hall and properly shat my pants. I tied a cardigan around my waist and waddled along. M way home until we got to a garage which we knew had a public toilet. Shat myself all over the toilet and then tried to clean up, using all the toilet paper. Walked the rest of the way home where I was unable to get in (can't remember why, we were latch key kids so I should have had a key). Spent the next hour or so shitting in a cardboard box in the back garden.

Shortly after the garage put a lock on the door of the toilets and required all customers to ask for the key from the shop.

Would you like me to tell you my pissing myself during a technical drawing exam and my shitting in a sandwich box stories?

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