To Question What The Hell Went On In This Loo...

[NurseyWursey]

Don't read if you're squeamish with poo

Walked into the Tesco loos, went into a cubicle..

There was poo on the toilet seat, walls and a massive pile in the toilet. But the thing that bothered me most was, there was no toilet roll on top of the poo.

who even does that??

Share your code brown stories if you wish ;)

Oh my god, that leaving a shit in a plastic bag story just reminded me of a 'putting a shit in the cistern' story ....

I used to work for Stagecoach. One Saturday afternoon we had a bus brought into the depot because some lovely drunken person had not only shat themselves, but had finger painted with it.

Seats, floor, emergency exit door, wall, and roof were all covered, and we had to unscrew seats and vac-wash them, and pressure wash the inside of the bus.

Edward 'hard enough to kick around'

To the person that asked:
The Freudian theory is actually that if you are toilet trained too harshly/early you will become anal retentive (overly organised, tidy, inflexible etc) and if you are toilet trained in a lax manner/too late, you become anal expulsive (disorganised, untidy, creative etc). A trauma or lack of resolution at any stage will lead to a fixation at that stage, which is reflected in adult personality.

It doesn't mean you become obsessed with playing with your own shit!

But it's just a theory and not nearly as funny as poo stories, so as you were..

True strory. I knew a house of 8lads at uni. There were dirty shitbags and their favourite joke to play was hide the shit. Turds would turn up in shoes, in drawers in hats, if there was a space it would be shat in. It all came to a head on one of the lads 19th birthday. He was the most civilised of the bunch,and did not much care for the game of hide the shit. His mam brought round a home baked cake for his birthday. It was of course shat on before the candles were lit. This was the last straw, and he moved out two weeks later to live with us girls. On leaving the flat, he indicated that he had left a parting gesture in the form of a hidden shit. For days the remaining 7 lads searched high and low for the shit but none was to be found. Until two weeeks later they got near the end of the family sized tub of I can't believe its not butter. The end.

These are brilliant!

thefab please do tell!

Somebody once told me they got caught short, and an empty Pringles tube can contain a fair size poo specimen. I no longer buy Pringles.

Fishandjam it's ok in the desert but surely not in London :-)
And you wouldn't chuck a bag of shit in the kitchen bin would you?

When we holidayed in the South of France last year (the Spanish side, not the Riviera) there were some seriously disturbing loos...loo roll, loo seats and soap on the basins were extremely rare. Loos themselves were pretty rare, most cubicles having one of those 'hole in the ground' thingys that you only get in France. Anyways little DS was desperate for a wee one evening and hubby takes him inside public toilet block only to come out seconds later looking white. The only 'loo' was a hole in the ground where someone had taken a massive turd only to miss the hole and leaving it lying in state on the floor nearby! DH decides to let poor DS do the only humane thing left to do...wee up against tree in a public park (not the sort of thing he would ever be allowed to do at home but desperate times call for desperate measures and all that!!

we recently took my daughter to a themepark/water park. all the notices say things like 'do not wash you baby in the splash pool after a nappy change' etc...they obviously have a problem.

Small daughter and I went for a wee...the first toilet had the lid down and someone had left a pile of poo on it and smeared it all over the lid.

Poor cleaner who had to clear it up. (sure he was grateful we told him really!)

Went into a toilet in a nice cafe some years ago, there was blood everywhere. To this day, I am mystified as to how someone could do that and walk out the door.
I practically ran out the door, reported it to staff, who seemed unperturbed. I've never gone back there.

Not as bad as when i worked in a nursing home and some of the bags containing the pads split open in the industrial bin so they refused to take them.

The nurse sent us out to clean them and then expected us to serve out lunch

Aoifebelle That is the best turd story EVER.

My worst code brown story is really gross. Long story short though, wrong valve gets opened on vacuum toilet system storage tanks and constant stream of brown under pressure comes out, hitting wall and coming up through the hatch onto the next deck up which is the administration section (lots of paper and offices). That section of the ship is evacuated and isolated and a guy had to put on a clear plastic suit with breathing apparatus and literally walk through the poo to get to the valve and close it. When he returned from switching off the valve, his whistle was blowing on his breathing apparatus meaning he had less than 5 mins of air left but he could not get his gloves off and because he was covered in poo, nobody would touch him. Consequently, he decided to vigorously shake his gloves off, showering everybody present with the brown stuff. the smell lingered in that section of the ship for months.

Also, onboard HMS Boxer in the 52 man mess, we had a "phantom shitter" who regularly and randomly left a present in one of the 104 boots outside the mess door. Often, the owner of the prize would discover it when they were called away on a fire exercise or other emergency drill and put their boots on in a hurry. the Phantom shitter though prolific, was never caught.

I think one of my hide the shit mates might have gone on to join the navy. Just sayin.

sandwiches chips and dip drinks and poop all in sainsburys toilet cubicle really not sure what kind of party they had in there

used condoms poo and dirty tampons in a public loo (surprisingly i decided to hold it that time)

we have a lady who pebbledashers a certain toilet everyday for over 15 years you have to go there before ten or not at all till the cleaner attends at 11.30 (the stench is awful!!)

On holiday last year (uk), teenager DS1 came out of the swimming pool toilets and said someone had left a poo in one of the urinals.

when my husband worked in a care home they made a man who could not get out of bed share the room with a smearer the one day they heard screaming and the smearer had struck! the man who could not get out of bed was plastered he looked like one of the black and white minstrels! he started to shout for help and all they could see was white teeth it undid one of the carers who had to run away he could not stop laughing!

(they pay thousands a week for care there he ended up back in a single room after his family went nuts about it!)

Brilliant!!

When working as a carer, on my first day on my own I was helping a lady out of the bath when she suddenly cried 'wait wait!'. I thought maybe her leg was hurting lifting it over the side of the bath, so I moved closer and put a hand on her back as well as holding the other hand to help her out. But turns out she was shouting 'wait' because she was about to poo! Everywhere! I spent about 20 minutes removing diarrhoea from between my toes.

I have also been at a soft play area when a boy aged around 6yo decided to drop his trousers and do a poo at the top level. Then slide down the slide bare bottom to get to the loo. I have never grabbed my charge so fast as he had missed the scene and was running for the slide!

Funny thread

At the end of a nice mother/daughter day out I took dd to the costa in town for a hot chocolate. I was 35wks pregnant and was knackered so sent her to the loo by herself. I could see the loo door from where I was sitting and a few people came and tried the door and left as it was locked.

Dd comes out looking sheepish and I ask her what's up? She'd done a big poo and had rushed out because people kept turning the handle and she got scared.

Next thing I know a girl goes into the loo and then steps back out, calls a friend over and they go in and come out with a disgusted face and go over to a waitress who also goes into the toilet and comes out with look of disgust. She disappears somewhere and gets a yellow signboard with "cleaning in progress" and puts it outside the door.

I was mortified. Dd was mortified. Everything happened so quickly I downed my hot chocolate, gathered our things and pulled dd out with me! I have no idea what she did in there but it must have been immense. Apparently she did wipe and wash her hands though ...

I know it's so very wrong but I am loving this poo fest!!

Years ago I worked for a large multinational in the City. We all had camera phones on out desk with an open link to our overseas offices.

On a Friday night we would all go out for drinks and people would go back to the office at the wnd of the evening to retrieve their personal belongings.

On the Monday morning one of the Divisional Directors found the mother of all turds under his desk as well as realising - too late - that the seat of his chair was soaked in piss.

Sadly for the junior broker who hot very drunk on the previous Friday, him shitting and pissing on/under boss's desk whilst singing "we are the champions" was witnessed "live" by our colleagues in Singapore and recorded for posterity. Instant dismissal for him and new chair for boss.

I trained as a nurse and one poorly old lady with dementia needed her dentures cleaning. Do I need to say more?? Don't want to say more apart from 'Please God, don't let me get that ill.

I remember a story told by friends - they were at a posh dinner party, and the hosts were very proud that 3YO dd was potty trained and out of nappies at night.
At the table they heard the LO come down the stairs, bump bump bump on her bum all the way down. Came into the dining room sans PJs and said 'I need you to wipe my bottom, mummy'