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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send home this boy's treats?

178 replies

manicinsomniac · 14/03/2014 16:33

A child in my class had a birthday today. They brought in treats to give to the class but said that they didn't want X to have one as 'we don't get on and aren't really friends.'

Stupidly, I said 'No, sorry, you have to share with everybody in the class or else you'll have to take them home and nobody gets one ' I thought a threat like that would instantly make the child say they would share. It didn't, they said 'ok, I'll take them home'. So I had no choice but to follow through with it and the treats are still in my desk drawer!

Now I am terrified of facing this child's mum at home time and admitting what I did. I have 10 minutes! She has wasted her money now.

As a parent would you be angry at me or your child?

I'm also worried that the child the birthday child wanted to leave out will get the blame from the class for nobody getting treats rather than the birthday boy.

OP posts:
MrsCakesPremonition · 14/03/2014 16:35

I think you did the right thing. Everybody or nobody. The family can consider their options over the weekend and, hopefully, choose to give treats to everyone on Monday.

Abra1d · 14/03/2014 16:35

Grab the child quickly and give him another chance. Tell him how lovely he is being to share and how proud you and his mother will be of him.

formerbabe · 14/03/2014 16:36

I'd be supportive of the teacher in that situation. You couldn't have left out one child...explain this to the mum and say he can give them out on another day to EVERYONE!

PumpkinPie2013 · 14/03/2014 16:37

I think you did right! I'm sure the parent sent the treats for everyone.

They can talk over the weekend and if necessary send them again on Monday.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 14/03/2014 16:37

No I wouldn't be angry at you. At our school it is all or none, and so it should be. If the parent / child wants to pick and choose who to give them to they can hand them out in the playground themselves.
Other wise the poor child who gets nothing will think that it is you the teacher who doesn't like him, not the other child.

Explain to mum that school have an all or none policy, and as her child chose not to share you were unable to give them out.

TheKnightsThatSayNee · 14/03/2014 16:37

I'd be horrified if you had let my child exclude s

SauceForTheGander · 14/03/2014 16:37

I'd be supportive of you and cross with my DC.

TheKnightsThatSayNee · 14/03/2014 16:38

Someone so I think you definitely did the right thing

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/03/2014 16:38

I would be furious with DS and more than happy with you......you did the right thing so don't sweat it :)

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 14/03/2014 16:39

He's had a couple of chances Abra1d and they will all be changing from sport now so I won't see them (will have to go and seek the mum out at the school gates. Now in fact. must go. Eek!)

Glad people are on my side so far. Hope she is too!

OP posts:
stoopstofolly · 14/03/2014 16:40

You were correct. You can't hand stuff out in class to a selected group of children- turning it around, imagine how you would explain yourself to the parent of the child who was excluded. When the Mum comes you need to tell her that you arre only able to hand things out in class if the whole class gets one, and as her child refused to allow this then you had no choice. I'd be mortified if I were that parent- perhaps reminding the parent to speak to the child about the values of the school...?

WooWooOwl · 14/03/2014 16:40

You definitely did the right thing.

Have confidence in your decision when you talk to the parents, and offer the chance to give the treats again on Monday.

Guitargirl · 14/03/2014 16:40

I would be 100 percent supportive of you in this situation. If the parent is not then that would speak volumes about the child's behaviour.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/03/2014 16:41

Manic - if she isn't on your side then at least you know where he gets it from. I cannot imagine any sensible person would be happy with their child deliberately excluding one person.

Only1scoop · 14/03/2014 16:41

Yanbu.... Suprised he hasn't changed his mind though!

steff13 · 14/03/2014 16:44

I'd be terribly embarrassed if my son had refused to give a treat to some of the kids in his class. I would support you if I were the mother. And I'd be having a chat with my son about being kind and polite and sharing.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 14/03/2014 16:44

You did completely the right thing. If it was my DC, I would be very disappointed with them - but also very happy that the teacher had not allowed my child's birthday to be the cause of upset to one small child. It also sends an excellent message to the other children for any future treats - everyone or no-one! Smile

JohnnyUtah · 14/03/2014 16:47

What stoops said. There's no way you could explain it to the parent of the excluded child. Because it would be wrong.

KoalaFace · 14/03/2014 16:47

Hope the mum is supportive, I'd imagine she will be. It's not on to leave out one child.

LoonvanBoon · 14/03/2014 16:49

Well done, OP, you did the right thing. Hope the mum is as reasonable as you. Smile

CrushingCandies · 14/03/2014 16:50

Another one adding support. Good luck talking to the mum.
How old are the kids anyway? I'm surprised he didn't change his mind.

Cookiepants · 14/03/2014 16:50

You are NBU, all or no one is the only fair way.

BoiledPiss · 14/03/2014 16:51

I agree you did the right thing, she wont know the entire content of the class, I would hope she would be as reasonable as you, but you never can tell!

Good luck

bobot · 14/03/2014 16:51

Agree with others, if my child were the birthday child I'd be disappointed in him and pleased with the way you handled it. Could you not just have given one out to the whole class anyway and refused to exclude the other child?

SarahAndFuck · 14/03/2014 16:51

You did the right thing OP, and I hope the mother has the sense to see so too.