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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send home this boy's treats?

178 replies

manicinsomniac · 14/03/2014 16:33

A child in my class had a birthday today. They brought in treats to give to the class but said that they didn't want X to have one as 'we don't get on and aren't really friends.'

Stupidly, I said 'No, sorry, you have to share with everybody in the class or else you'll have to take them home and nobody gets one ' I thought a threat like that would instantly make the child say they would share. It didn't, they said 'ok, I'll take them home'. So I had no choice but to follow through with it and the treats are still in my desk drawer!

Now I am terrified of facing this child's mum at home time and admitting what I did. I have 10 minutes! She has wasted her money now.

As a parent would you be angry at me or your child?

I'm also worried that the child the birthday child wanted to leave out will get the blame from the class for nobody getting treats rather than the birthday boy.

OP posts:
dellybobs · 14/03/2014 20:01

Have to agree with Durhamdurham , could have been a back story to this he didn't let on about.

cory · 14/03/2014 20:06

Yes, but whatever the back story, surely a 10yo is quite old enough to know that you just can't do this?

The answer is not to take in treats to anyone. And that would seem to be the answer in any case when you are this age. Expecting teacher to sort out your birthday treats is just plain weird.

MrsCakesPremonition · 14/03/2014 20:07

I'm assuming that the OP wasn't planning to lovingly hand round the treats personally, just supervise the boy giving them out. At my DCs school they take in a bag of sweets, stand by the door at leaving time and every child takes one as they pass. So not really eating into SATS revision time.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2014 20:38

Whatever there is between them, you cannot support one being left out, you were perfectly right to refuse tge boy handing them out to all but one.

doguemommy · 14/03/2014 20:55

I think what you did was fine. The only thing I've done differently in the past, under similar circumstances, was to give a quick ring at lunchtime to the mother of the birthday boy, and try to sort it out before the end of the day. Mine were Infants though, often Reception, and I got to know the families pretty well. Hope all went well!

crazy88 · 14/03/2014 20:58

It was me who the OP is quoting in her last post from an earlier post of mine and she agrees she could have handled it better. You are all completely overreacting about this.

TeamEdward · 14/03/2014 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bobot · 14/03/2014 21:21

It's true though, that it's possible that birthday child could have been mercilessly bullied by horrible child X all year, and didn't see why he should have one of his birthday treats. In which case, the child's behaviour isn't so bad...so perhaps we're all being a bit unreasonable in castigating the birthday child. OP dealt with it well though.

FabBakerGirl · 14/03/2014 21:27

The mother has a cheek.

I'd be refusing to hand them out at all now. No more chances.

I am also shocked the child is 11. I was expecting about 6!

NearTheWindymill · 14/03/2014 21:31

OP - when it's your birthday I suggest you hand out a chocolate truffle to all the parents and pointedly leave out this mother. It's called exclusion I think and comes under the umbrella of bullying. Of course you did the right thing. I think we can all see where the little brat boy gets it from. If one of mine had done that they'd be tongue lashed all the way home.

temporarilyjerry · 14/03/2014 21:49

Of course yabu. You're a teacher, aren't you? Damned if you do.....

Glasshammer · 15/03/2014 06:36

I think you did the right thing. You were great. Telling him 'oh no your mum sent treats in for everyone' was just another different correct way.

Glasshammer · 15/03/2014 06:38

I think the parent was wrong to say you handled it badly. She was just being pedantic

Glasshammer · 15/03/2014 06:41

You can't exclude/isolate one child from having a cake, that's called bullying

Dubjackeen · 15/03/2014 06:46

You handles it perfectly, in my opinion.

Dubjackeen · 15/03/2014 06:46

...handled...

hazchem · 15/03/2014 06:46

I think you did the right thing.

DS isn't yet at school and I'm quite worried about this class cake/treat thing. we just don't have the money to send in cake for his class. We will be able to afford to have a party ect but not extra cake/treats also.

dellybobs · 15/03/2014 07:09

bobot that's what I was trying to say just not as well.

People stating this child is awful for not wanting to give one child them are being harsh on the child themselves.

There's no denying the op did the right thing in not letting him give them out but the child is allowed an option.

TheKnightsThatSayNee · 15/03/2014 07:10

Expected you to handle it better? Ifs fine for you to feel that you should have been firmer but it's crazy that the parent criticised you for it. I would never question a teachers judgement in a situation like this. I hope it wasn't in front of the child. My child would be in a lot of trouble and I'd be thanking the teacher.

deakymom · 15/03/2014 08:02

you did the right thing if i was that parent i would ask you to share them with the class and NOT my child as another flippin lesson x

starlight1234 · 15/03/2014 08:14

I would except her child to act better ..I would be appalled if my son behaved like hers had.

His birthday party is very small this year and I tried to drop as many as I could at houses to avoid the whole invitation giving thing ..I hate it.

MalcolmTuckersMistress · 15/03/2014 08:16

Any child of mine who did such a nasty thing would get a serious talking to. You did right!

ChaosTrulyReigns · 15/03/2014 08:20

I think you did the right thing as well.

Are you aware of what the friction is between these 2 DC? Is it being managed?

Obviously I'm not asking you to reveal, just think that the boys commentd re the other child would certainly ping my radar.

SapphireMoon · 15/03/2014 08:22

Firstly op you were right and parent should have backed you all the way.
Saw something the other week as I dropped my youngest off. Had to chat to TA so in class when a Mum supported her child to hand out envelopes to about 15 of 30 children [age 4 and 5] while they were seated on the carpet waiting for register. Most looked confused. My ds did not receive one and was asking child next to him what they were.
Not on....
Probably would have been worse if children older and more aware.

Noteventhebestdrummer · 15/03/2014 08:35

Maybe by Mon your HT will have agreed with you that under the circumstances these are not to be handed out at all?