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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send home this boy's treats?

178 replies

manicinsomniac · 14/03/2014 16:33

A child in my class had a birthday today. They brought in treats to give to the class but said that they didn't want X to have one as 'we don't get on and aren't really friends.'

Stupidly, I said 'No, sorry, you have to share with everybody in the class or else you'll have to take them home and nobody gets one ' I thought a threat like that would instantly make the child say they would share. It didn't, they said 'ok, I'll take them home'. So I had no choice but to follow through with it and the treats are still in my desk drawer!

Now I am terrified of facing this child's mum at home time and admitting what I did. I have 10 minutes! She has wasted her money now.

As a parent would you be angry at me or your child?

I'm also worried that the child the birthday child wanted to leave out will get the blame from the class for nobody getting treats rather than the birthday boy.

OP posts:
PedantMarina · 14/03/2014 17:26

Am I really the first to express a forlorn hope that OP will be back soon with the treats to share with us.

QOD · 14/03/2014 17:26

Ooooooooooooh holding my breath!

Ohbyethen · 14/03/2014 17:27

Completely the right thing.
If it was one of mine you would be getting an apology & everyone would get treated on Monday. Treats for the class are inclusive of all.
If my dc had a bullying or other serious issue with another child I wouldn't put them in this position.
The only reason mum wouldn't be on your side that I can think of is trying to make a point or draw attention to that particular child - if that's the case she too would need a long hard think about her behaviour.
Hope it went well.

CannyBagOfTudor · 14/03/2014 17:29

You alright OP? Of course you did the right thing.

YouTheCat · 14/03/2014 17:30

Canny, I really fancy a bag of crisps now. Grin

Whereisegg · 14/03/2014 17:30

I'm really hoping that mum was supportive op, you did absolutely the right thing and I would back you all the way if one of my dc had said that.

notapizzaeater · 14/03/2014 17:32

I'd be totally be behind you and would be having words over the weekend. Hope the parent felt the same

MaryWestmacott · 14/03/2014 17:34

what did the mum say? I might get the head to put a note in the next newsletter to the general effect that while children can bring in treats to hand out for birthdays, treats must be for the whole class.

CabbagesAndKings · 14/03/2014 17:35

You totally did the right thing. hope the mum is on your side too

SugarMiceInTheRain · 14/03/2014 17:35

Hope the mum was supportive of you OP. I think you did exactly the right thing and would back you up 100% if it were my child doing that on his birthday.

CeliaFate · 14/03/2014 17:40

Yanbu, if they want to pick and choose they should give them out themselves in their own time.
Perhaps the boys don't get on, but if you had chosen to hand them out and exclude the boy you wouldn't be teaching them a good lesson.

rumbleinthrjungle · 14/03/2014 17:41

I'd have done exactly the same.

Willabywallaby · 14/03/2014 17:50

Definitely the right thing to do.

Yama · 14/03/2014 17:52

I am actually surprised that you are worried about doing the right thing. You shouldn't be. If the parent complains, direct them to the Head Teacher.

Tortoise · 14/03/2014 17:54

I agree, definitely the right thing to do. Hope it was taken well by the parent.

Sarahplane · 14/03/2014 17:58

You definitely did the right thing op.

breatheslowly · 14/03/2014 18:00

Whilst you did the right thing, I'd get the thread deleted. If the mother finds this on MN, you might struggle to explain this thread.

Pipbin · 14/03/2014 18:02

I support you there.
What did the mother say? Or has she kidnapped you?

MrsBungle · 14/03/2014 18:04

I'll just plough in to agree with the masses! I'd be right behind you if my child did this.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 14/03/2014 18:04

Sorry, I'm back!

She was ok. Understood that her child had behaved badly but also expected me to have dealt with it better. We agreed to try again on Monday after she has spoken to the child.

I think you were on the right lines but I think you handled it badly by making an issue out of it. If you had just said "I can't do that, your mummy sent treats on for everyone" and been firm about it, the child would almost certainly not have made a fuss about it. You backed yourself into a corner by making that threat and obviously it is neither here nor there to the child whether other children get the treats or not. As a parent I would unhappy with my child but I would also be a bit disappointed with you. Sorry.

Yes, absolutely, this is what I should have done. I was kicking myself as soon as the 'threat' cam out of my mouth. I just thought he'd cave I guess and then I had nowhere else to go.

Kind of got away with it and feel a bit less panicky having had so much support. Thank you (can you tell I'm total parent phobic!)

The children are 10/11 by the way as someone asked.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. I've got a performance of a school show to go and get through now.

OP posts:
amistillsexy · 14/03/2014 18:05

I would absolutely have said what you said to the child, and I would have put the treats back in his/her book bag without speaking to the parents-let the child explain it to them!

Floggingmolly · 14/03/2014 18:06

She's got a bit of a neck telling you you could have handled it better Hmm. You handled it just fine.

amistillsexy · 14/03/2014 18:10

So the parent thought you should have given the treats out anyway? Hmm...I think that's passing the buck, to be honest, and not giving the child a consequence for his nasty behaviour. He's old enough to learn there's a right, and a wrong way to do things. He chose wrong, he got a consequence.

The only thing you did wrong, OP, was get all tied up in knots about the mum-she only wanted you to give out all the sweets so that her son can look lovely and not be shown up for being a nasty piece of work!

MrsCakesPremonition · 14/03/2014 18:10

A 10/11 yo should know better without having to have it explained.

Don't take this on yourself - it was 100% the child and his family putting you in an insidious position. It's not part of your job to hand out treats, you are doing it as a favour to them and if they can't play nicely then I'd be tempted to tell them to sort it themselves next time. The mum's attitude explains the child's attitude.

Quinteszilla · 14/03/2014 18:11

Blimey, I thought this was relating to a child in year 1 or 2, not Y5/Y6!