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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send home this boy's treats?

178 replies

manicinsomniac · 14/03/2014 16:33

A child in my class had a birthday today. They brought in treats to give to the class but said that they didn't want X to have one as 'we don't get on and aren't really friends.'

Stupidly, I said 'No, sorry, you have to share with everybody in the class or else you'll have to take them home and nobody gets one ' I thought a threat like that would instantly make the child say they would share. It didn't, they said 'ok, I'll take them home'. So I had no choice but to follow through with it and the treats are still in my desk drawer!

Now I am terrified of facing this child's mum at home time and admitting what I did. I have 10 minutes! She has wasted her money now.

As a parent would you be angry at me or your child?

I'm also worried that the child the birthday child wanted to leave out will get the blame from the class for nobody getting treats rather than the birthday boy.

OP posts:
Ruprekt · 14/03/2014 16:52

You did the right thing.....what did Mum say?

Shonajoy · 14/03/2014 16:52

Good for you! You did exactly the right thing. Wee horror.

TeamEdward · 14/03/2014 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thepoodoctor · 14/03/2014 16:53

God yes. How old are they?

Another parent who would support you entirely and aim to bring child back on Monday with a sense of the error of their ways!

ILoveWooly · 14/03/2014 16:53

Well done Op, I hope the mother was supportive.

Whatisaweekend · 14/03/2014 16:53

I would be behind you all the way. It would be really horrid to hand them out to everyone except one person! Update us OP - hope there is a good outcome!

wonderingsoul · 14/03/2014 16:54

i would imagin.. or at least hope.. that the mum had no idea the child would say something like that..so will be suitably horrified when hearing about it.

how strange for a kid to say that though.. i mean to a teacher... ethier the kid is very young and very nieve or had has some seriouse guts.

how old is the child? i cant even see reception (age 5) would say something liek that tbh.

Featherbag · 14/03/2014 16:55

How old are they? If it was my kid I'd be fuming - with him, not you.

cardamomginger · 14/03/2014 16:56

I'd support you if DD did this. I'd work with you to get her to share with everyone on another occasion.

YouTheCat · 14/03/2014 16:59

Definitely did the right thing. Can you imagine giving out all those sweets and then getting to the excluded child and saying 'sorry, none for you as X doesn't like you'?

SamandCat · 14/03/2014 17:00

Well when you give them back to hmi, he can give them back to whoever he likes in the playground, so I don't think it's a big deal and I'm sure his parents will understrand.

vladthedisorganised · 14/03/2014 17:00

Watching with interest. OP, I completely agree with you: I'd be embarrassed if my DC wanted to exclude one child and would be having a stern chat about it.
Completely understand that treats should be for the whole class, but interested in the party thing TeamEdward: does that mean all children need to invite the whole class to their birthday? DD isn't invited to every preschool party, nor would I expect it; my idea of a 5 year old's "party" is a few close friends (10 max), not 30-odd! Is this expected these days?

(I agree about power-play with invitations too, BTW, just curious if it has to be the whole class in order to be 'fair'- and expensive!)

Floggingmolly · 14/03/2014 17:03

You did exactly the right thing. I'd be horrified if one of my kids attempted to do or we're allowed to get away with doing this.
Take no nonsense from his mum!

Sparklingbrook · 14/03/2014 17:05

You did the right thing. Wouldn't surprise me if the Mum had told him to do it TBH.

ChasedByBees · 14/03/2014 17:07

You did totally the right thing!

weirdthing · 14/03/2014 17:08

You did the right thing.

Floggingmolly · 14/03/2014 17:08

You don't have to invite the whole class to parties, vlad, but you can't expect to hand out invitations to the chosen few in the classroom.
It's not nice for any of the other children, but especially those who never get invited to anything, and sadly, there's always one or two in every class.

crazy88 · 14/03/2014 17:10

I think you were on the right lines but I think you handled it badly by making an issue out of it. If you had just said "I can't do that, your mummy sent treats on for everyone" and been firm about it, the child would almost certainly not have made a fuss about it. You backed yourself into a corner by making that threat and obviously it is neither here nor there to the child whether other children get the treats or not. As a parent I would unhappy with my child but I would also be a bit disappointed with you. Sorry.

TamerB · 14/03/2014 17:11

You did the right thing- there was no other choice.

SallyMcgally · 14/03/2014 17:12

Wish more teachers were like you, OP. Well done.

HandsOffMyGazBaz · 14/03/2014 17:12

Adding support here: I would be ashamed if my child did this, ashamed of him but also of me that I didnt teach him better.

My DS would be reminded what it feels like when it happened to him and I would make sure he KNOWS that to purposefully exclude someone because you dont like them is bullying and wrong.

Im just afraid OP that the apple didnt fall far from the tree and you got a bit of an earful..

Quinteszilla · 14/03/2014 17:14

If it was my child, I would be right behind you. Well handled.

AdoraBell · 14/03/2014 17:16

You did the right thing.

Different if he had treats for his little group of friends and kept it quiet between them, other wise it's everyone.

As suggested, you can give him another chance To share the treats fairly.

Glasshammer · 14/03/2014 17:18

I think it's fair enough for only friends to be invited to parties. However if a teacher is giving out cakes as a birthday treat, it has to be inclusive and not isolating.

HannerHet · 14/03/2014 17:24

Of course you did the right thing, stick to your guns. What did the mum say?