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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send home this boy's treats?

178 replies

manicinsomniac · 14/03/2014 16:33

A child in my class had a birthday today. They brought in treats to give to the class but said that they didn't want X to have one as 'we don't get on and aren't really friends.'

Stupidly, I said 'No, sorry, you have to share with everybody in the class or else you'll have to take them home and nobody gets one ' I thought a threat like that would instantly make the child say they would share. It didn't, they said 'ok, I'll take them home'. So I had no choice but to follow through with it and the treats are still in my desk drawer!

Now I am terrified of facing this child's mum at home time and admitting what I did. I have 10 minutes! She has wasted her money now.

As a parent would you be angry at me or your child?

I'm also worried that the child the birthday child wanted to leave out will get the blame from the class for nobody getting treats rather than the birthday boy.

OP posts:
ThinkLikeASpoooooon · 15/03/2014 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabBakerGirl · 15/03/2014 13:47

Nothing wrong with an 11 year old still calling their mother mummy.

dellybobs · 15/03/2014 14:06

cory if you read what I put I didn't say it's right to exclude the child anywhere I said the birthday boy is allowed a choice of whether he wants to not give them out to anyone if he wants to avoid one person.

And the op does state that the boy did choose not to give them out instead. It doesn't say he kicked up a massive fuss just said he'd rather take them home then. I'm just saying that as his choice the op should have just respected that and given them back to his mum.

Marylou62 · 15/03/2014 14:10

I know... I know......harping on about the 'olden days' but why oh why are teachers being dragged into all these situations?? My youngest is only 16 so not that long ago us parents NEVER got the school involved in handing out invitations, treats etc. And as a Mother of one child who had lots of invites and one child who didn't, IT IS CRUEL for this to happen. ALL schools should have a blanket BAN on any of this. I do remember being proud of the brown envelope after the nit nurse had been tho!!!

Gullygirl · 15/03/2014 14:13

I think you ought to have this thread removed.
If my children's teachers posted such an identifying post on a site that is read by so many people,I would be raging.

Sparklingbrook · 15/03/2014 14:23

I don't think this is identifying at all. Confused I would be raging that my son had been a horrible little whatsit TBH.

diddl · 15/03/2014 14:28

What is the better way that you could have handled it OP?

Just have disregarded the child & given everyone a treat?

That's the only other option that I can see.

NoodleOodle · 15/03/2014 14:54

YWNBU, treat given to all children or none during school time. If the family want to be selective, they can do it in their own time.

I also think the way you dealt with it was appropriate for the age group as it gave the birthday child the opportunity to self-correct their behaviour and attitude.

If there is a wider problem between these two children, you can now keep a look out for incidents, and ask the children if assistance with their relationship would be helpful, if necessary.

SamandCat · 16/03/2014 10:07

You handled it perfectly and don't let anyone tell you different!

Essiebee · 16/03/2014 10:49

Your class, your rules, but what are you doing posting on social media during schooltime?

clam · 16/03/2014 12:31

16.33 is technically after school. It seems that the lad was at an after-school club and she was catching mum after that?

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 17/03/2014 11:49

Thanks again for all the support. Child did come back in with the treats today and will share with everybody. Neither child is a bully/being bullied by the way. They're both quite popular actually - I do wonder if they're sort of rivals iyswim.

And I often post on social media during schooltime, why shouldn't I?! My school runs for 24 hours a day with several different 'hometimes', I live in school accommodation and I am physically on the premises for up to 120 hours a week. I'm obviously not working during all those hours so of course I can use social media, just as if I was at home.

OP posts:
Feenie · 17/03/2014 12:22

I would check your acceptable use policy - I can pretty much guarantee it would not recommend discussing individual children's behaviour problem on a public forum.

SoleSource · 17/03/2014 12:37

Yanbu

whineaholic · 17/03/2014 12:58

This is the Rule we have in our family regarding invitations. It's really very simple.

All the class or
All the boys or
All the girls or
Just a handful.

It's dead easy, doesn't hurt or offend and means you come over as not being an an entitled little prick. Smile

whineaholic · 17/03/2014 13:01

Don't be absurd feenie . She isn't discussing individual children. She is discusisng an anoymous situation, anonymously. Just as we all are.

crazy88 · 17/03/2014 14:05

I'm glad you sorted things out OP, I think it all got way out of hand and some of the comments on here were really unnecessary.

Feenie · 17/03/2014 19:02

But an easily recognisable situation, regarding an individual child's behaviour which would land the teacher in very hot water if the parent stumbled across it. These are facts - I haven't invented them. What's absurd is that you choose to think it's fine because she hasn't named names - but it really isn't.

Sillylass79 · 17/03/2014 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Delphiniumsblue · 17/03/2014 19:29

It could happen in any class in any school any day of the week.

whineaholic · 17/03/2014 19:49

I'd love to be in the office when the parent goes in to complain about an anonymous thread on MUmsnet that may or may not be about her son! Grin

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 17/03/2014 19:54

Interesting. I agreed with crazy88. As did the op. It's the more professional answer. The ops initial response was close but not quite there. Personally I think that's all the mum expected. A tiny bit more professionalism (sorry op) in the method.

Feenie · 17/03/2014 20:08

Don't shoot the flipping messenger - it's there in most policies and teaching standards - teachers cannot discuss pupils online, anonymously or otherwise.

This situation was actually being discussed in real time, as it unfolded - there would have been no ambiguity if the parent had seen it, and no mistaking either the teacher or the child - the teacher could easily have faced a disciplinary.

Floggingmolly · 17/03/2014 20:10

Maybe the mum should have concentrated her expectations on her mannerless 11 year old, Minnie? Rather than deeming his teachers response "not quite there"?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 17/03/2014 21:08

Well flogging human nature being what it is the mum is going to support her offspring. Her response will always be to expect more. I don't think op was completely wrong. Just that crazy88 was more right and to my own hr professional past more what the op should / would be striving for. I am a bit surprised crazy88 didn't get more agreement on the thread. That most responders just said "yeah you were right" without pushing it that bit further. I think op seems to be a conscientious person and I think that she's looked for a better response than what she felt she gave speaks volumes for herself. Except many others seem to think she shouldn't have.... But I'm weird...?