...to ask how you knew you wanted DC?

[pinchpunch]

I want them (haven't yet had any) but can't explain why. Something to do with feeling strongly that I want to create a secure, loving family of my own.

Other people's babies are cute and it's nice to play with them for a while, but I don't come away desperately broody. Not yet 30 and not really at a point in my life where I can see myself having any in the next year or two, but would like to think by 35 at least.

So, assuming some level of decision making/planning is going to go into this (appreciate there are things you just can't control), and knowing that it is not easy, how did you come to the conclusion that it was the right thing for you?

Did you ever consider that you might not have any? And if you didn't have any... what would you do with your life? Realistically.

Thoughts appreciated!

That's sad mouses, im sure you are a great mum and your kids will think you are the best!!

I didn't, and never had the slightest maternal twinge. I still don't really like babies very much and I never played with dollies or soft toys much as a child. I preferred reading quietly on my own, possibly because I grew up in a very large noisy family. In the '80s I was desperate to leave home, get a degree, get a flat in London and have a career. I had a great time, bought my own place at 24 and had no intention of tying myself down with a husband and kids. I was frankly baffled that anyone would.

I fell in love and then got pregnant by accident when well over 30, and I'm really glad it happened that way as I don't think I'd ever have actively chosen parenthood. DH is a fab, natural parent, which is lucky as I basically have to get it all out of books, but I completely adore our 2 dcs and am so glad we had them. Am still amazed they exist though!

Had my first aged 36. Never a broody bone in my body. I had a child purely cos I thought it was the next thing to tick off in the great experiences of life.

Having my children was the making of me. I am much less selfish and self centred and I can't believe now I was so blasé about parenthood and nearly missed the boat.

When I was 28 and planning my wedding I started to get this feelin g that something was missing. I could 'feel' where a baby should go on my chest looking over my shoulder. I could close my eyes and feel the texture of a babygro rubbing over a vest, over a babies back. This feeling got so strong that it was almost overwhelming.

Interesting question.

I was completely ambivalent until I got together with DH. I'd had big problems with my mother and thought there is no way I want to be a person like her, who made it all seem so very dreary and thankless. Plus I was full of angst about the world - why bring a child into this awful world and so on.

Then I got to 34 and everything changed. Suddenly I wanted my own child. DH was still ambivalent but said "Whatever you want, dearest," or words to that effect. Little things like seeing a baby's fingers uncurl, or hearing them laugh, or seeing a mum gaze into her child's eyes smiling literally made my insides turn over.

However now I am nearly 39 and have had 3 failed fertility treatments and am facing life without children after all. We have a good life - have just bought our first house, have pets, nephews, nieces, our own business, live in a beautiful part of the country. I can have meaning without children, but I will be sad for a good while yet. But it will be ok.

I always knew I would want a family of my own in a vague way. Then I got to my late twenties and was hit badly by broodiness - I went from seeing newborns with their mums and thinking 'ah cute...' to feeling such an overpowering, almost painful yearning to have one of my own - it was ever so slightly scary!

Am a mum of three now and absolutely love it, despite being slightly frazzled..

Sorry x-posted with you Hester :(

S'okay :)

I always thought I wouldn't have any. Never liked other people's children.

One day in my early 30s, I looked around at my massive book collection and thought "who will get these when I die" - that thought led to a fairly analytical decision to have children.

Life would be easier if it was still just the two of us and we would be swimming in money compared to how we live now. Still wouldn't be without them though.

I thought I was going to gave to consider it when I couldn't get pregnant for three years and was contemplating retraining as a doctor. Then I did and now have two dc after a total of seven years ttcing and being pregnant. I felt almost as strongly about wanting a second as the first btw. The thing was I was coming at it from the pov of definitely wanting children and being forced to contemplate what I would do to (for me) fill the massive void that not having them would have left.

It is such a personal thing. As a pp so aptly put it "everything else is just wallpaper" compared to having children for me. Not for others. I envy them sometimes!! I knew I always wanted children without being massively maternal or gooey over other kids and I definitely didn't want them earlier than the age I started ttcing. I would just like to not have had the big wait and had one more.

I always knew I would have them, well, that's what you do, isn't it? It was never an overwhelming longing, I would never call myself broody. To be honest I am not even that bothered about children generally. But, as said up thread, it is completely different with your own.

I would definitely advise not to think too much, we found in the end that there was always going to be an excuse not to have them, another holiday, another change of job, another distraction. In the end we just stopped the excuses.

We still cannot believe how quickly it happened, we look at our two girls and just cannot believe we made them and they are here, two complete little persons, with their thoughts, their dreams, their own little worlds. And all of it from DH and me.

The change to our lives came as a shock, nobody can prepare you for it. The strength of emotion, the good and the bad, is quite overwhelming. I think now to the days I thought the difficult part would be the logistics of a small baby, changing nappies, washing, dressing them without doing any damage. All that is the easiest bit. Dealing with another human being, who depends on you so much, protecting them, showing them the world and also remembering that they are separate from you, so you cannot control them, is quite another thing. They depend on you but you also come to realise that you depend on them. How do people ever let go when their children grow up, I do not know.

There goes the advice about not over thinking stuff...

i never actually wanted children the thought terrified me then i got pregnant i was in shock then i started bleeding and i was upset thinking i was losing the baby so they sent me for a scan she was okay spinning around like a monkey on a rope THAT is when i realised i wanted children

being the eldest of 4, I always knew I wanted children in an abstract kind of way when/if the right man came along, but it wasn't a desperate, physical broodiness until he actually did. But then I think we both felt we 'needed' to have a baby asap partly as a reaction to the intense conflicting emotions I was dealing with when we got together.

My DH and I had just started going out in March when my dad (aged 53) was diagnosed with cancer. No one knew how ill he was for a while, but by Aug bank holiday he was in hospital, clearly only hours from death.

The next morning my DH drove 5 hours to the hospital where my family were all gathered and proposed to me, sitting on a stained old sofa at the end of the oncology ward. Dad was just well enough to understand and give us his blessing.

The intensity of the previous few months threw everything into turbo-drive emotionally and we were married by Christmas and had DD1 on the way a month later. It seemed 'necessary' somehow in an almost physical way I can't describe. I'm sure if Dad had not been ill we'd have got there in the end, but at a more leisurely pace.

I don't have a single friend with children who is truly happy. Honest.

They battle with their partners/husbands/wives/teenagers/ toddlers/teachers/childminders etc etc

I get exhausted listening to it.

Redruby the flip side of that is my children constantly suprise me in a way that my job and other adults seldom do.

I was never broody and had children relatively late. My main reason was probably because it was an important part of life to experience. And it is a big lifestyle change and can be tough but is also fun.

A small word of warning to those of you in early 30s who aren't sure. Be careful of leaving it too late to try, several friends have gone down the IVF route or egg donor route, it does get harder to conceive past 35.

I've said this before on other threads.

I really thought hard about it - researched childless people on the internet etc when I hit 32ish. In the end the decision was that I did want a child - to add another dimension to life, to have a bit of a career break, to hopefully have some tiny bit of continuity past my life.

But the main reason I decided to was because I just kept getting teary when I saw babies on TV. That started in my early 30s. And I still get teary now even though I've been lucky and we have our lovely dd.

I had a fab full life, great job, lovely partner, great mates. Just started to think "is this it?" after enjoying that until I was 35. It sounds spoilt, but I realised that even a nice full life can get a bit samey. So started trying at 35, had DD at 37, DS at 43 (luckily), and it's let me value and appreciate so many things in life again. Watching your kids see and experience things for the first time makes you appreciate it all over again. You can never explain that in a pros and cons list. I also have much of my life back again with the biggest bonus I could ever (or never) have imagined. They can extend your enjoyment of life. I'm not a madly natural mum, I love being back at work part time, but I was a mad party animal. I'm surprised and absolutely delighted at how much I've enjoyed it, despite it being quite a challenge sometimes.

I know I always wanted children but much to friends and work colleges amusement I really didn't like children, I had no interest in pregnant women and no way did I want to hold anyone's baby.

Fast forward to several years later and a few dc's of my own, I love kids. I will happy will hold any baby and have a good snuggle. I just needed my own dc to wake my inner mum.

In one way it was good because if kids hadn't happened for me I probably would have carried on happily enough

Lots of different reasons on here, as you'd expect. Everyone is different. For me, DP & I had been happily childless for almost four years, then we thought I was pregnant. Turned out I wasn't but the "scare" had got us talking in a totally different way and it turned out the thought of expecting really wasn't that scary after all. Six months later I really was pregnant and now have an amazing DD - best think to happen to me and DP.

I'm really surprised and saddened by posters who have unhappy friends or who have never seen a happy parent & child. Being a parent - especially in the early years (and probably the teenage years, when I get there!) is really difficult. It challenges you as a person - your values, your patience, your confidence - and challenges your relationships - with partners, parents, family & friends. When people say you have to be ready, they really mean it. You have to give up a lot. IMO you can only be truly happy when you genuinely don't mind the sacrifices you have to make as a parent to give your child the best life you can. Those sacrifices will be different for different people, but I promise you, life is different with children than without.

I hope it's becomes clear for you soon.

Purplepoodle - that has been exactly my experience too.

I have always thought that my highest aspiration in life would be to find the deepest expression of love. when I met DH at age 35and it was a chance meeting which shouldn't have been but it was so right and what we both wantedi very suddenly knew that we would have an amazing family. Here we are with two DDs now. And again, it is just so right. It is the deepest expression of love i can imagine.

Another one who wasn't at all interested in children for a long time - I spent most of my 20s panicking about contraceptive failure and simultaneously being worried I was infertile as I never seemed to fall pregnant despite those missed pills, but that crazy fear is another thread

When I met my DH we used to laugh because we'd go to the - incredibly broody - would pine over the babies and id do the same over the dogs . In the meantime most of my friends had kids and occasionally id just look at them like they were aliens; I couldn't understand why or how they felt the need, or prepared, to do it.

Over time my attitude softened and I started to think maybe it would be ok. I felt like i liked the idea of something that wa s made up of him & me. My DH was insanely broody by then and I agreed to start ttcing really for him - I can't say I would have started if not.

And - it was fine. It was GREAT. It is hard. But my goodness it's fun! This little person who's not ours but is of us - it still blows my mind.

oh I definitely didn't want them

but even though most days I think WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY LIFE/CAREER/FUTURE/FINANCES aarrrrrhhh

there is still something that I know is a little touch of magic, cannot be replaced, cannot be defined, and for it to be gone once you have had it, is a void that cannot be filled with any amount of career, holidays, happiness - it's something completely different entirely from the definable life, and yes it is hell most of the time, for me anyway in my circs, but would I do it differently? no way

After never, ever wanting children and not feeling remotely maternal, something 'clicked' when I was around 30. I had been married to my university sweetheart for several years, and I found myself looking longingly at families on our travels. I imagined taking our children to Europe, visiting museums, singing with them, cooking good food for them -- basically the rosiest, most unrealistic images possible (mother nature is very clever). It took me three years to conceive, and during that time, I had terrible fears about growing old without children and ending up alone. Thankfully, I managed to conceive my son with help, and a year later, was stunned to learn that I'd conceived my second naturally.

There are times when motherhood matches my worst fears -- e.g. when both children are clinging to me and screaming and crying, when my son is throwing a tantrum in the middle of a shop, when I realise that I haven't been to a museum or worked out or gone shopping by myself in more than a year, when I look at yet another pile of laundry or another sink full of dishes to wash. But despite how exasperating and infuriating children can be, and how all-consuming and overwhelming motherhood is, I really can't imagine my life without them. I'm so grateful I've been able to feel their little downy heads on my chest, their little hands in mine as we walk together, my daughter's gaze as she breastfeeds.

That being said, I'm done with two!

I never wanted children until I wanted them!

I was 28, I had been married for 4 years, and I said to DH ( who I had always told I didn't want children) that I'd seen a picture of a work colleagues new baby on Facebook and felt a little bit day dreamy about having my own. But only (in the day dream) if I could have a girl that had blonde hair and did ballet... That was december.

January 7th I was skiing, drinking, smoking.... Came home and I was pregnant. She's 3 now and kind of blonde and does ballet

As soon as I had her I wanted another. I told DH I wanted her to have a sister. A lot of miscarriages and some help later...

DD2

And (I think!) I'm done!