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AIBU?

To think this wasn't offensive?

525 replies

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:19

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

OP posts:

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CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:47

But it clearly wasn't about saying member of female member of staff (happily married, couple of kids) was a "slut" or an easy lay or whatever. It was a joke on "she offers X to you, I thought only we got sandwiches, what a slag"

OP posts:

vikkik888 · 27/02/2014 23:47

How is 'sandwich whore' different to 'sandwich slag'?

SecretWitch · 27/02/2014 23:49

I'd like a sandwich now

ViviPru · 27/02/2014 23:49

It's not. It's the prefix of "Sandwich" that makes it work. Slag/whore is interchangeable. Just saying she's a slag has no comedic value.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:50

Oh FFS OP.
Do you really not get that the use of this type of language is just unacceptable, regardless of context.

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:50

I'm not sure what makes me not very bright - I get the word has very strong negative connotations, but so does calling someone thick, but if I call some friends thick (as thieves), the context matters, surely? Other than it being a word that can be offensive if it means one thing, I don't see how it was offensive here, when it didn't mean that, and clearly didn't mean that

OP posts:

CommunistLegoBloc · 27/02/2014 23:50

You're not really reading what I'm writing, OP. If you call somebody 'retarded', do you truly believe them to have global developmental delay? Nope, you're just being offensive and apparently oh so witty.

No, those men didn't think she had sex with lots of men. They just used a gender-aggressive term because that kind of language pervades our culture and causes untold damage to equality and victims of assault.

Martorana · 27/02/2014 23:50

For generations women have been told they have no sense of humour or can't take a joke when they object to low level sexism. It's an incredibly effective silencing technique- and often women laugh along so as to be seen as "one of the lads" or not "po faced". It's very depressing that it's still going on.

TheBuskersDog · 27/02/2014 23:52

But he wasn't saying she has sex with lot's of different people which is what some people seem to be inferring. There wasn't a suggestion that because she offers the sandwiches around she also offers herself, which is what some people seem to be implying he meant.
I also work in an educational setting, I could imagine that sort of thing being said, by either sex, and would not deduce from it that the colleague is actually suggesting the other has dubious sexual morals.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:52

Totally agree with communist and now wonder which institute the OP works at and what her area of expertise is?

So would calling someone a 'spaz' be ok too OP - say if they tripped up or did something a bit awkward. Context and all that

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:52

But it's a joke that would apply equally to men, surely?

OP posts:

perfectstorm · 27/02/2014 23:54

Casio, you're in academia and you do not grasp that allocating a woman a slut-shaming, deeply derogatory term for any but severely subscribed sexual activity is inherently deeply sexist? Are you for real? That's the entire basis of the "joke"! No, he wasn't saying a woman offering two groups sandwiches was "a slag". He was saying a woman who is not sexually continent to his standards is. And you really, truly don't see any problem with that?

Again, I ask you: if the joke had been a riff on, say, all black men being gangsters, would that still have been in no way problematic? Or would you have, oh, I don't know.... thought him a racist arse?

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:54

Yes, because men have been called slags in a pejorative sense for centuries haven't they OP? Of course it's equal... silly me!

BackforGood · 27/02/2014 23:54

It really is a worry, that someone with the intelligence to get a PhD, can't see that this is offensive language.

Rollergirl1 · 27/02/2014 23:55

Casino: but the joke is that he's likening the offering of sandwiches with the offering of sex. And then calling her a slag. I wouldn't be offended as I get the (ham-fisted) but I would think he was a massive twat.

Caitlin17 · 27/02/2014 23:55

Casio as a joke it's pathetic.
Matorana you and I have been posting on the HH thread about the ghastly sexual politics of the 70s. Seems the 70s are alive and well.

perfectstorm · 27/02/2014 23:55

But it's a joke that would apply equally to men, surely?

Oh yes, of course. Because we totally live in a culture that supports that statement.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/02/2014 23:55

But it clearly wasn't about saying member of female member of staff (happily married, couple of kids) was a "slut" or an easy lay or whatever. It was a joke on "she offers X to you, I thought only we got sandwiches, what a slag

OMG that's exactly what it was. The only reason this could even possibly count as a joke is precisely because the comparison is being drawn between "offering sandwiches to everyone" and "offering sex to everyone". It only makes sense to use 'slag' because you're drawing attention to her promiscuity in offering sandwiches indiscriminately. Just because the joker didn't literally mean "I think that this woman has lots of sex with lots of people" does not mean that the subject of the joke implied exactly that. If it didn't mean that, then there would be no fucking joke. "She offers sandwiches to everyone? What a lamppost!".

WORDS MEAN THINGS.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 27/02/2014 23:55

If you find it funny being called a sandwich slag for handing out food, clearly you have no self respect. I would have called him a bitch, I would have been offended directed at me or withing ear shot directed to fellow colleague . He'd never open that raving mouth again. Friends or not acquaintances at work it's disgusting degrading language to use against a woman, i wouldn't be able to laugh along.

CommunistLegoBloc · 27/02/2014 23:56

I missed the bit about the OP being in academia. Christ, I fucking despair.

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:56

It is clearly something that is dividing us here. I can see that "slag" isn't a word to be used lightly, i'm not completely ignorant, and if I heard a man call a woman a slag because she'd gone out on dates with two different men, that would be very different

OP posts:

FudgefaceMcZ · 27/02/2014 23:56

It doesn't matter if you're friends, you were at work, not at some kind of pally get together, thus you have to watch yourselves for behaviour that could reasonably make others in the workplace uncomfortable. This would be a disciplinary matter where I work (research centre), and I would hope most universities too, and no my workplace is not humourless, we just aren't a bunch of juvenile yappy twits.

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CommunistLegoBloc · 27/02/2014 23:57

What's the male equivalent of a slag then, OP? Or could it be that the patriarchy conveniently forgot to get themselves one of those?

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:59

If you laugh at that, you're just as culpable. If I'd have been there, I have reported the man who said it and those who colluded, which would have meant you too!

CommunistLegoBloc · 27/02/2014 23:59

Then why is it alright to use as 'humour'?!

Answer mine and others' questions about using pejorative disabilist language and see if you still come to the same conclusion.

If you do, then I really hope you get no opportunity to pass those views on to future generations.

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