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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this wasn't offensive?

525 replies

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:19

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

OP posts:

DameFanny · 27/02/2014 23:31

Would he have used the same word if it had been a man bringing the sandwiches? that's the test.

And your colleague was a bloody idiot to use language like that in a workplace.

mymiraclebubba · 27/02/2014 23:32

casio i have a similar soh and i suspect that had i had a similar conversation with friends in a pub i wouldn't have found his comment offensive, however in the office environment then yes YABU not to have found it offensive

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 23:32

Right I get you now

Yes I would have found it funny

But I would also expect that person to be savvy/professional enough not to use that sort of language in the work place.

Original poster

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:32

The 'joke' was about a female member of staff offering sandwiches to both group A and group B - is that clear?

OP posts:

DomesticDisgrace · 27/02/2014 23:32

From what I can gather it was completely about sandwiches, someone articulate it better. Like "oh she'sdishes the sambos out to everyone"
Just a joke about the sandwiches that clearly lots of people don't get or find funny/appropriate. I don't think it was offensive

Beamur · 27/02/2014 23:32

I have a little saying 'offence is in the taking, not the giving' i.e if someone is offended then yes, you have offended them even if unintentionally. I would find any colleague calling another a slag in very poor taste and if it were a man saying it about a woman, I think I'd find it hard to see the humour in it.

Funnyfoot · 27/02/2014 23:32

Personally no I hate the word slag. In context amongst friends Tart possibly would be less offensive to me.

lackingimagination · 27/02/2014 23:33

Wow some people really don't understand humour. YANBU. He wasn't 'calling her a slag'. It was a joke. Goodness me

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:33

So in your office, there is a puerile view that offering sandwiches around is akin to offering yourself around. Is that right? Where do you work OP? What do you do?

CommunistLegoBloc · 27/02/2014 23:33

YABU because that kind of gender-aggressive, slut-shaming language has no place in any conversation. Would you call a friend a retard in the same 'light hearted' way? People need to stop bandying terms around as a 'joke' that actually just set back various civil rights movements back decades by making everyone else assume it's alright.

perfectstorm · 27/02/2014 23:33

Sounds like a classic micro-aggression, really. Depressing.

Original poster

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:33

I think the joke would have applied to a man as well - it was a close group of 4 friends who go to the pub together - not just "coffee" friends in the office

OP posts:

Martorana · 27/02/2014 23:33

I can't imagine circumstances where calling somebody a "slag" is OK.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:34

How is using the word slag about a person in the office, in front of other people, ever funny?

ViviPru · 27/02/2014 23:34

OMG not for the first time today am I glad I WFH with nothing but 6Music and a basset hound for company. Promiscuity of Sandwiches? Baffling.

BrandNewIggi · 27/02/2014 23:35

So...is the person who brings round the office mail called a slag too?

MunchMunch · 27/02/2014 23:36

Df and one of his mates always say "you schlag" or "schlag" not to me or anyone else for that matter just a line from The Sweeney. They say it about lots of things tbh even if it doesn't make sense

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/02/2014 23:36

I don't get the joke, whether it was about a woman or a man.

I'm hardly touchy but...I just don't get it.

Original poster

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:36

Certainly no-one was saying offering sandwiches was akin to offering sex - maybe slag was too harsh for a joke? I honestly don't know. I understood the context of the joke

OP posts:

perfectstorm · 27/02/2014 23:36

Wow some people really don't understand humour.

And others should google micro-aggressions and micro-inequities. We all have failings.

Beamur · 27/02/2014 23:37

CommunistLegoBloc thank you for articulating that point so well. Exactly that!

lackingimagination · 27/02/2014 23:37

I have also heard this joke applied to a male many times. It's a very common joke and certainly not an attack on the individual

ViviPru · 27/02/2014 23:37

I don't get it either....

TheBuskersDog · 27/02/2014 23:37

Agree with ScarletStar, I can see how this would be a joke amongst friends and not offensive or inappropriate.

Martorana · 27/02/2014 23:38

You've heard men who offer sandwiches to colleagues being called "slags"?

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