To think this wasn't offensive?

[CasioBlues]

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

if I heard a man call a woman a slag because she'd gone out on dates with two different men, that would be very different

As opposed to making a "joke" which scaffolds and supports that societal viewpoint, by culturally enforcing it as correct?

OP, I don't know what else to say to get you to see this. Let's try an analogy.

"He kept all the sandwiches for himself? What a Jew!".

Point is, it was a pally get together at work - honestly, I don't see it. I can't respond to all the points, I guess the male equivalent of a slag is a slag.

YY tortoise and perfect

It is clearly something that is dividing us here.

Yes. Basic critical thinking skills.

Tortoise, that's very different - logically.

A pally get together where one person (a male) calls a female 'pal' a slag!

Yes sounds dead friendly.

Perfect, sorry to hear that

If you can't respond to all the points then I suggest you have a serious think about your opinions and how they might be interpreted. If you can't defend them even to yourself then chances are there's something pretty wrong with them.

And what's wrong with them is really very damaging.

Okay, here is some 101.

Slag is a deeply sexist term, almost exclusively applied to women, in a patariarchal culture which frowns upon women having multiple partners. As you ALREADY FUCKING KNOW because you correctly identified that calling a woman a slag for having two boyfriends "would be wrong".

The joker called a woman a slag for giving out sandwiches to multiple people. Can you explain why that is a joke without referencing sex/multiple sexual partners? No, you can't.

Which leaves you with this position: "It was only a joke between friends". But you are in the workplace. This is a colleague. And just because something is dressed as humour does not insulate it from being offensive.

Why is tortoise's example differently, erm, 'logically'?

I can't respond to all points because it's a fast moving thread, and I can't logistically respond to all the points - you knew that!

"The male equivalent of a slag is a slag" ?Do me a favour. The male equivalent of a slag is "a bit of a lad" "a player" or in some circumstances "a lucky bastard"

There is no word for a male slag because the concept does not exist.

Logic not having been really at the fore of your argument previously

It was a pally get together at which one of your "pals" was offended. Doesn't that tell you something?

Let's say a person had offered sandwiches to group A and B, and the man had said "what a woman" - implying all women were slags (or all jews were mean). the joker never meant all women are 'slags' or even the woman who offered the sandwiches

Exactly mar. Women get blamed, men get congratulated.

And I bet the men who called the girl a slag got lots of laddy laughter and kudos.

that friends sometimes disagree?

I guess the male equivalent of a slag is a slag.

stud, player, Romeo, seducer, womaniser, alpha-male, Casanova, Lothario, philanderer, lady-killer, ladies' man

Yep. Totally the same cultural loading.

I suspect OP, that many of the posters replying usually frequent the feminism boards and that combined with the usual hostile environment of AIBU means you're not going to get many seeing your viewpoint.
I actually think some people have been rather rude to the OP, suggesting she can't be very intelligent because she wasn't offended.

But there are male 'slags' - it's a gender neutral joke

I don't actual frequent the feminism board, but why would that be a bad thing? I'm a feminist. I want equality for men and women. Words like 'slag' don't really herald progress.

Let's say a person had offered sandwiches to group A and B, and the man had said "what a woman" - implying all women were slags (or all jews were mean). the joker never meant all women are 'slags' or even the woman who offered the sandwiches

Do you want to rephrase that in a way that makes any sort of sense? Even assuming you understand that it's a red herring because it didn't happen, your point appears... well. Absent?

Goodness, a lot of you would hate my working environment if slag is so distressing to you! We are known for our....ahem...earthy sense of humour and thick skins. This is not something that would cause upset to us.

I'm genuinely not looking for validation, and I can imagine how some might visualise a pack a braying men in braces and a meek woman being mocked as a slag, but that's not how the situation played out - other than the word 'slag' having negative connotations, one has to accept that it would have been obvious that in no way was the sexual behaviour of the happily married woman who brought sandwiches around being commented on