Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 20 21

AIBU?

To think this wasn't offensive?

525 replies

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:19

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

OP posts:

Report

Lottiedoubtie · 27/02/2014 23:38

It's clearly not ok to call a female colleague a slag for doing something nice for others. Especially nasty out of her earshot.

Yes, I get the 'joke'. It's a pun on the word 'slag'. Implying that she is somehow shameful for giving away sandwiches to more than one group of people.

It's not funny and not professional. Doesn't matter that you are 'pub' friends IMO. You weren't in the pub.

Fwiw if you were I still wouldn't have found it funny but I wouldn't have been so offended.

It's the subtle humour that all contributes to women being taken less seriously in the workplace.

Grennie · 27/02/2014 23:39

I think this was totally out of order.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:39

OP, if you got it ... why are you asking?
I think it's appalling, and am still intrigued to find out where you work and what you do because if this happened where I worked, there would be trouble.

lackingimagination · 27/02/2014 23:39

And others should google micro-aggressions and micro-inequities

No thanks, we all have failings.

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:39

I don't understand how it's slut-shaming though? no-one was suggesting the woman who did a nice thing for group A and B was somehow a slut

OP posts:

ViviPru · 27/02/2014 23:40

"This joke"???? "Very common joke"??? Eh? What joke?! Seriously not getting it...

vikkik888 · 27/02/2014 23:40

In my office, in this scenario, I would've found that funny. Everyone else in my office would've done too.

YANBU

TheGirlWhoKickedTheVipersNest · 27/02/2014 23:41

Sounds like we both work in similar environments, it would have got a laugh from me - it's not hilarious but I wouldn't be annoyed by it. I don't know why you're bringing it up here though, your friend's allowed to find it offensive. It's not the kind of thing where either of you is right or wrong

perfectstorm · 27/02/2014 23:41

I can see how this would be a joke amongst friends and not offensive or inappropriate.

A guy calls a woman who is not present a slag as a joke, others are offended, but that isn't offensive or even inappropriate? blinks Ooooookay then!

People need to stop bandying terms around as a 'joke' that actually just set back various civil rights movements back decades by making everyone else assume it's alright.

This.

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:41

If it helps, I work at a university -we were four academic members of staff

OP posts:

Rollergirl1 · 27/02/2014 23:41

Casino: You say it was amongst friends? So was it one of your friends that was offended?

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:41

Where is this a common joke?

For those you who are saying this... where you work and what do you do?

TheGirlWhoKickedTheVipersNest · 27/02/2014 23:42

Sorry, by 'similar environments' I mean an office full of mates who go to the pub together, not that people call each other slags all the time!

perfectstorm · 27/02/2014 23:42

No thanks, we all have failings.

Yes, I noted your username.

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning · 27/02/2014 23:42

I get the joke...but I think the term 'sandwich whore' would have been funnier.

I would be offended by his lack of originality.

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:42

It was one friend who was offended

OP posts:

TheGirlWhoKickedTheVipersNest · 27/02/2014 23:43

X-post Casio, almost identical then

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:43

Please elaborate OP.
Are you a group of post-docs

Caitlin17 · 27/02/2014 23:43

Backforgood Agreed. My post is wrong. It's not just the office where it is wrong.

CommunistLegoBloc · 27/02/2014 23:43

Because calling women slags is just one of the micro-aggressive controlling ways that ensures they remain very much accountable for any sexual decisions they make, with negative connotations. Oh, and for any sexual decisions they might not make - how many women are accused of being slags or sluts when they file a rape charge? Or how many don't file the charge for fear of that judgment?

It's all linked. Language is a pretty good indicator of culture.

ViviPru · 27/02/2014 23:43

It's a pun on the word 'slag'. Implying that she is somehow shameful for giving away sandwiches to more than one group of people.

I grasp that, but it still doesn't make it a joke, there's no comedic structure to the main linguistics or actions... It's like one if those kiddy non-jokes "You've got brown hair - you're a poo head ha ha"

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:44

It was two post docs, and two lecturers

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

perfectstorm · 27/02/2014 23:46

My mother tells stories of what women had to tolerate in the workplace in the 1960s. These sorts of "jokes" were constant, commonplace, and anyone objecting was seen as the problem.

Tolerating this shit means it goes on. And I have to ask - if the "joke" had been racist, would you still not see what the problem was?

ViviPru · 27/02/2014 23:46

the term 'sandwich whore' would have been funnier.

I would be offended by his lack of originality.

Yes, this!!! This is precisely what I have been trying to articulate!

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2014 23:46

How interesting.
I could speculate further, but we both know where this could go.

I am an ex-academic and this would not have been acceptable, not when I was a post-doc and not when I got chair.

Don't kid yourself that this is ok!

And for someone with a PhD (assuming you are a post-doc, or a lecturer who has a PhD)... well, you don't sound too bright.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 20 21

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.