To think this wasn't offensive?

[CasioBlues]

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

But your argument as to why it wasnt offensive is because it was a joke amongst friends. But one of your friends actually was offended. So either you're not friends or you dont share the same humour or the joke was pretty dubious.

Casio I'm assuming your discipline isn't gender studies? It's not gender neutral.

I admit I have heard a male gay friend telling another male gay friend he was such a tart but that really was amongst friends, was clearly not malicious and is subverting the word.

Gender neutral?! Are you having a laugh?! It's about as gender neutral as a Disney Princess dress with 36 barbies glued to it and a hat made of My Little Ponies.

Say to 5 friends 'ooo they're a slag', and ask them what the gender of the person you're talking about is. Gender neutral my arse.

No, I understand what the OP means there, actually, perfect. She means that in my example, the word "Jew" is being used as a shorthand for "mean person", whereas in hers, the word "slag" is being used to mean "promiscuous woman with sandwiches " and a better analogy would be to use the word "woman" to mean "promiscuous". Jew = mean person. Woman = promiscuous person.

But that doesn't work, because the word 'woman' doesn't carry that particular cultural loading.

Why come on here and ask this? You are clearly not going to accept any of the excellent points being made.

I don't frequent the feminist boards, and even if some who have objected did, why would that be a bad thing?

Perfect, the point I was trying to make is that a "jew" is a whole group - akin to black or woman - 'slag' literally describes a type of behaviour of a subset (let's for argument say women - not true but let's accept it), and it was obvious that it wasn't what was implied

OP, I know it's fast moving, so let's try this bit again:

The joker called a woman a slag for giving out sandwiches to multiple people. Can you explain why that is a joke without referencing sex/multiple sexual partners?

Don't frequent the feminism boards, no. But do carry on assuming women who object to demeaning abuse aimed at half the population are somehow extremists, and "normal" women are fine with it, if it makes you feel better for some reason.

Not a fan of "jokes" aimed at ethnic minorities or disabled people either. Despite being WASP and without any disability myself. I regard those views as falling under the "basic decency" heading, myself. Sort of working on the basis that nobody should have discriminatory attitudes supported and reinforced around them in their daily lives, because it encourages cultural acceptability of shitty and unequal treatment of disadvantaged groups.

It isn't rocket science. Or at least, I would have hoped not.

communist, I am listening actually, thanks

Casio, at this point I'm going to reference Barney Frank and dining room tables, and go and find something more constructive to do. A mind should never be wasted, and that includes mine.

So given the responses you've had OP, what are your views now?

You don't appear to have budged an inch.

Typical AIBU.

OP: AIBU?

Hoardes: YABVU and offensive. Provides erudite reasons.

OP: No, I'm not. You're all wrong, you weren't there.

It's a joke because the person in question clearly isn't a slag - as I say, she's happily married with children

Say I called David Beckham unsporty, Alan Sugar poor?

Casio- you don't really believe that "slag" is a gender neutral term do you? Honestly?

Actually, the views in terms of number of posters, not number is posts is actually quite 50/50

Oh so it's funny because she's not a slag! Oh well that clears up all of the points made before. As you were.

bangs head on desk

Yup, I genuinely do believe slag is gender neutral. Honestly ... i'm sure I'm wrong

What's your PhD In OP?

And are you from the UK?

"It's a joke because the person in question clearly isn't a slag - as I say, she's happily married with children"

So if she had had more than, say, 3 sexual partners it wouldn't be a joke?

Are you a native English speaker?

How about women who choose to have multiple partners don't face criticism and gender-aggressive language? Like men don't have to face.

If she'd fallen over would you have called her a spastic and then defended it by saying 'well it's funny because she doesn't have cerebral palsy'

I ask the latter simply because in many countries the word 'slag' has no meaning at all and I just wonder if you have grown up knowing what the word is and what it means, or if you've been recently exposed to it.

Yup, that's perhaps why I got the context