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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you host a party for yourself you should provide food and drink

277 replies

housebox · 27/02/2014 18:03

One of my friends is having a birthday party for herself at her house. She has invited people but asked everyone to bring a dish and given out a list of things they need for people to tick off. This encompasses everything you might have at a buffet plus alcoholic/non alcoholic drinks to I assume that this means she is not providing anything!

There is nothing saying that we are not to bring gifts either so she is clearly expecting pressies too.

Said friend and her husband are fairly well off so well able to afford to cater for the small group that have been invited.

I understand that if someone is having a general get-together like a BBQ and offering their house as the venue you might ask people to bring a dish but if you are actually having the party to celebrate your own birthday surely it is quite rude to basically ask people to pay for your party!

OP posts:
Quoteunquote · 27/02/2014 18:05

pot luck?

expatinscotland · 27/02/2014 18:06

You decline the invite. Pisstakers can only get away with it if others enable them.

Roseformeplease · 27/02/2014 18:06

Not sure. We often go out for a birthday and split the bill in the restaurant. However, if we host at home, we cook.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 27/02/2014 18:06

I wouldn't expect all my guests to bring food, no. It's cheeky.

A BBQ you generally bring something, but the host also provides food and drink.

As a guest to a party don't you generally just turn up with a bottle?

Original poster
housebox · 27/02/2014 18:07

I understand the premis of a pot luck party but thought the idea was that everyone took it in turns to host and everyone brought something.

This is someone inviting people to her birthday party but expecting them to pay for all the party food and drink!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 27/02/2014 18:07

What expat said.

dexter73 · 27/02/2014 18:07

I wouldn't have a problem with bringing a dish to a party + a couple of bottles of wine.

intheround · 27/02/2014 18:07

I think it's quite a nice thing to do- that way everyone has helped make it special. Most people take a bottle of something when they go to a party, so why not make it food?

Janethegirl · 27/02/2014 18:07

I think it depends on your group of friends. I would expect your friend to provide some food and drink but not necessarily all of it. Certainly most people would bring a bottle or some beer to a party.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 27/02/2014 18:08

SO don't go - problem sorted

Original poster
housebox · 27/02/2014 18:09

I would probably have brought a bottle but I object to be told that I "have" to bring drink and food! I will also have to buy a birthday gift too.

I think I am going to decline!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 27/02/2014 18:09

The list for people to tick off is cringeworthy. Asking for specific stuff. Cheeky mare.

Yika · 27/02/2014 18:09

I think it's a bit odd for a birthday, yes. Otherwise I don't mind - I find it quite nice actually.

Janethegirl · 27/02/2014 18:12

I don't think I've ever gone to a party and not taken a bottle or two. It's also really easy to get a ready to eat packet of snack food or a cheesecake from a supermarket before you go. I think the OP is BU.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 27/02/2014 18:13

I wouldn't go to a friends house empty handed anyway, and if they were throwing a party I would also offer a hand with food anyway so it really wouldn't bother me. It sounds nice, but you sound as though you would resent it so, no, you shouldn't go.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/02/2014 18:13

It's just a bring and share. I've been to loads of parties like that, NYE, birthdays, just for fun, housewarmings. Can't see the problem. Hmm

derektheladyhamster · 27/02/2014 18:14

I really wouldn't mind, they are friends after all!

Original poster
housebox · 27/02/2014 18:14

Jamethegirl I know it's easy to buy the food but the principle is why should I pay to provide food for someone elses party? The party giver is well off and has a good job as has her DP so why can't they just pay?

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 27/02/2014 18:14

My circle of friends wouldn't mind this at all, we often do it for things like NY, one person hosts but that's really just providing the venue and the beds and food for the kids. I don't think we've ever done this for a birthday but tbh I wouldn't mind it.

Original poster
housebox · 27/02/2014 18:15

If I have parties I always pay for the food and drink

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 27/02/2014 18:15

why should I pay to provide food for someone elses party?

So tell her that and don't go.

PrincessOfChina · 27/02/2014 18:16

For a birthday it's odd.

I'm hosting all my uni friends, their husbands and all the kids next weekend. Everyone has asked what to bring so I was going to circulate a list - I'll do main savoury stuff but they can bring desserts and crisps, dips etc. hope that's not rude!

OwlCapone · 27/02/2014 18:16

Being asked to take food wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Original poster
housebox · 27/02/2014 18:16

I do understand when it's something like New Year and one person provides the venue and everyone brings something but I think when you want people to specifically come and celebrate your birthday with you you should lay on the food.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 27/02/2014 18:20

I agree housebox. Your birthday. Your house. You pay for the food at least.
The tick list is entitled too. Not just 'bring a dish' is it? Bring something off my list.

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