To think that if you host a party for yourself you should provide food and drink

[housebox]

One of my friends is having a birthday party for herself at her house. She has invited people but asked everyone to bring a dish and given out a list of things they need for people to tick off. This encompasses everything you might have at a buffet plus alcoholic/non alcoholic drinks to I assume that this means she is not providing anything!

There is nothing saying that we are not to bring gifts either so she is clearly expecting pressies too.

Said friend and her husband are fairly well off so well able to afford to cater for the small group that have been invited.

I understand that if someone is having a general get-together like a BBQ and offering their house as the venue you might ask people to bring a dish but if you are actually having the party to celebrate your own birthday surely it is quite rude to basically ask people to pay for your party!

I admit that it does sound a bit grabby. I dare you to ask what the host is contributing, apart from her house.

It does sound really grabby.

Email her back and ask if she's supplying anything at all, the tightarse.

Take a bottle of cheap wine and a dairylea triangle. Job done.

BoJolly Killing myself at Dairylea triangle. Make sure the wine is Blue Nun and you're on a surefire bet she'll never pull this grabby shite again.

Take a decent bottle of wine - hand it to her when you go in, say, 'Happy Birthday' in a loud cheerful voice, implying that this is her present..... Job done

It sounds fine to me. I'd much rather bring a drink and some nibbles to a party than pay for a restaurant meal out to celebrate someone's birthday. I have a couple of friends who do bring and share parties and it works out really well. No one spends more than £5 on food and the list means that you don't get stuck with huge amounts of brie and no bread or salad.

I am Australian (although now permanently in the UK) and this is exactly the sort of party (including birthdays and christmases) that i understand. Everyone brings something. We all pitch in and have a great and relaxed time. In fact, just last summer we sent out an e-mail invitation for a BBQ. We said 'bring meat and booze of choice, plus anyone else who wants to come'. We provided booze also, soft drinks, homemade ginger beer, salads, jacket pots and desserts. i would have been mortified if people thought we were being cheap, it was more of a 'let's have fun' thing, everyone welcome in our home. People brought friends, hangers on, elderly relatives who had come for the weekend. That is my idea of a really good party.

I agree. Parties like that feel more welcoming and full of community spirit than the sort where the host provides everything.

The follow up email? Oh, fuck that for a game of soldiers! Decline politely.

Given the answers from overseas posters can I ask what nationality the host is?

I still wouldn't not go to a party because I had been asked to take some food. That is just petty.

yabu. I am,absolutely happy to take a dish and drinks,when I go to someone elses house. Hosting is a massive amount of work anyway, with cleaning before and after, that I think it's only fair they don't do all the food as well.
For my bday last year we did a lamb spit which we bought, and for my bday presents I asked everyone for a salad or dessert instead of a present. I thought everyone was happy with it....

My dh is south African and I love how they do it over there- for any party everyone always brings pretty much their own food and drinks. 'chop 'n dop'. It means they have a massive social life as there's never any arguing about whose turn it is, or no one wanting to host, or massive planning. All chilled.

arethereany - They probably were. People on MN get upset about things that I have never heard anyone getting upset about in RL.

I used to do the massive buffet all prepared by myself, etc. I just found most found it too formal and much prefer the bring something to share parties. Parties are supposed to be fun.

For me it's the fact it's the hostesses birthday do. If it was a summer BBQ for no reason other than a get together then that's different.

The list thing is just embarrassingly cringey too. Who does that? It's odd.

Depends on the mood of the party, I don't mind a pot luck, but the follow up email tells me she's grabby.

Dsis group of friends actually charge each other per head £5-£10 when they take turn to host parties (although a couple including Dsis don't as they can't bring themselves to actually charge guests for food/drink!) - the lot of them definitely aren't skint

I wonder if she'll email a wish-list of presents to buy her too

Oh, I knew somebody like this. She made a big song and dance about having a barbecue one summer, then sent all her guests an e-mail telling us that we had to bring all the food and drink! We denounced the hostess as a tightarse and I think your friend is part of the same breed, Housebox!

Really, I wouldn't have the brass neck to pull a stunt like this. I'd expect people to bring a bottle to a party - not mandatory, but a nice social convention - but sending a list of the food she wants???

I would always expect to take a bottle, or at least a present for the Host.

Well I'm British and live in England and this is my favourite sort of do.

There is a difference between 'bring a dish, chip in, friendly gathering' and 'I require you to bring x, y and z to my own party to celebrate my birthday'. Bring a bottle is normal, even 'we're a bit short of chairs, please can you help?', but this is just cheeky and not in the spirit of hospitality at all.

I always offer to bring food (plus the obvious bottle of wine) if I'm invited. Mostly it's a 'no' from the host, although sometimes if they're stressed or pushed they accept. Or if it's a let's-get-together potluck thing. But a list of specific stuff to bring? No.

I have a friend who does this, but also picks complicated themes, and has multiple dietary requirements. So for her 40th, she wanted everyone to bring a dish of authentic 1940s food, preferably gluten and lactose free.

It's all in the asking.

Suggesting that a good friend brings a salad or pud to a weekend BBQ is fine, requesting a casual acquaintance brings a plate of homemade goats cheese canapés to your 40th not fine.

A list makes perfect sense unless you want 40 plates of sausage rolls.

The OP clearly isn't a good friend of the birthday girl anyway or she wouldn't have bitched about her and ridiculed her on a public forum.

It's a cultural thing.

I'm Greek, in Greece the host provides everything and would be mortified at the suggestion that guests contribute to the party itself. However, it is extremely rude to turn up without a gift for the host (a personal present if you know the host well enough, or a cake (NOT to be consumed during the party), or flowers).

I live in France where it is customary for the host to provide everything but guests turn up empty handed (I admit to struggling with this every time!!!).

In the UK I've been asked to bring specific food/drink items and in rare cases specific party items like fireworks, etc. I think that's taking the mickey because the host orchestrates everything but pays for nothing. I am happy to bring something but it then has to be something I like!