To be utterly fed up with this financial situation?

[MadDogLady]

DP moved in with me 6 months ago. We discussed finances before he moved in. I earn slightly more than him, however although he seperate from his wife 2 years ago, and is now divorced, no financial settlement was made. In short, this means that a large proportion of DP's wages are taken up paying off the credit cards/loans that were taken out in his name during his marriage. The upshot being that he can't afford to give me anythung towards bills/food.

I knew this before he moved in, but 6 months on, it's really getting me down. I do (and pay for) the food shop each week, including stuff for his lunches at work, his alcohol (about £20 each week, which he's already said is non-negotiable), treats he asks for...if we go out, I pay. If we want to go on holiday, I pay.

I can't see how it's ever going to get better. He's still on the mortgage of his house he owns with his ex, which has a large amount of equity in it, but he's been told he's unlikely to be able to taken off the mortgage until his younger children are 16/18. This isn't for another 12/14 years.

AIBU to be fed up of supporting another adult, with no end in sight?

[WWOOWW]

Blimey, cocklodger much? Get rid.

[MyPrettyToes]

You are choosing to stay with this man. You are choosing this. You have no ties to bind you to him.

You know he is cocklodger, he wont change. What keeps you from LTB? The sex? The companionship? You love him? He doesn't love you, he loves your wallet.

Happiness is a choice. You are choosing to be miserable.

[MadDogLady]

Ok, massive drip feed I know, but I left my husband to be with him. In hindsight, this is the biggest mistake I've ever made. In the process I've lost all my friends. Yes I'm unhappy, but if I kick him out I'll have nobody. I'll literally be on my own. I guess that's the crux of this self-indulgent whine.

[NowLivingAbroad]

If you still want to see him, OP, that's fine but live in separate houses. Hum, hum, let him live at his parents' if he has to. The man is using you. Fair?! You're paying for everything, ffs and instead of being grateful, he has the audacity and the temerity to tell you about non-negotiable things! Argh, on second thought, dump his sorry arse! Pronto

[Cerisier]

I can't believe you have put up with this. He has shown no respect, is bone idle and entitled. Now he wants you doing even more and paying out more? Unbelievable.

Change the locks and stand over him while he packs and heads back to his parents. Get a fierce friend to come and help you.

[whattoWHO]

Hmm. Yes, massive drip feed. But that doesn't change the fact that he is using you.

[neolara]

I can see how you might feel that if you kick him out you would be left with nothing. But I suppose it all rests on whether you think things will change. If not, are you happy to continue with the status quo. If not, you really are better off making a clean break now instead of 1/2 /5 years down the line.

[LucyLasticBand]

vbut you dont have to split up OP if you dont want to.
you can still have a relationship with him, but living apart, i amsure it would be better that way.

[Slothful]

You presumably left your husband because you weren't happy. It may have been a mistake, but that doesn't mean you have to carry on living with this man. How about send him back to his parents and see if he sorts himself out over the next 6 months without you bankrolling him?

[LucyLasticBand]

be brave

[Cerisier]

Cross post. Oh dear, that is not good.

My thoughts would be get rid of him and eat humble pie with your old friends. You have made a mistake, learn from it and move on. They might forgive you or they might not, but you need to get out of this toxic relationship ASAP.

[NowLivingAbroad]

Hearing the leaving husband bit to be with this man, so what? Must you punish yourself? You don't need to put up with this shit and get poor in the process! Life is no fun poor - DUMP HIM

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

If he can find money for booze he can lay his hands on it somehow.

Kick him out. If you want, add the proviso that you will reconsider after he is financially stable.

Dont worry about the friends youve lost etc. Dont stay unhappy just to save face. Better to have nobody than live with a cock.

[MyPrettyToes]

You don't have to believe me but I was going to ask if this relationship was the result of an affair. I just could not see why you would stay when have just moved in together.

Ask him to leave. You cannot start the process of getting yourself, your life back until you do. And you will get your life back you just need to take that first step. This relationship is suffocating you in more ways than one and dumping his arse will likely be a relief.

Staying with him is the worse possible choice.

[WooWooOwl]

He must be a bloody good shag if you've give up a husband, friends, and your self respect to be with him.

[expatinscotland]

Some people are so stupid they deserve to be taken for mugs. He won't man up, he's a cocklodger. Did he leave his wife for you, too?

[YouAreTalkingRubbish]

Blimey, I think your rose coloured glasses must have been extra thick .

You don't seem to think that things will improve anytime soon so you need to make a decision to leave him or to 'accept' the status quo. What I think would be a mistake is to carry on living with him in the hope that he will change and then complain about it when he doesn't. which he won't

Isn't the first six months meant to be the fun honeymoon time


I don't think you need to read any of the responses on this thread you just need to read your own posts and listen to what you have said

[thatswhatimtalkingbout]

this is not going to get better. This is one of the things (no, two of the things: alcohol problem and not paying his way) that can't be roped off as "just one little thing", but that affect everything.
I tried to overlook this in an otherwise "lovely" man and it really, really got me down. In hindsight I was right not to be able to overlook it because it was about much more than me having to pay twice for every single thing I wanted to do. It was about him taking me for granted and not respecting my work and my earned money and it bled into everything.

Get rid of this man, tell your friends you made a mistake and get on with your life as a single person with some pride.

[Braganza]

Finances are one pillar of a relationship. How are the others? You don't have to stay with him, and can admit it's a mistake if it is. What other people might think would be a pretty crap reason to live in misery.

Conversely, you can work through financial troubles if you both try, and are both committed to sorting it out. No point trying though if one or both of you are going try.

[expatinscotland]

Get rid of this guy. He is a total reject, no matter how good a shag he is.

[MadDogLady]

Better to have nobody than live with a cock

That actually made me smile

[nauticant]

If this is the upgrade, what on Earth was your husband like!?

[Electryone]

Well the fact you left your husband shows there must have been something wrong there in the first place, you need to separate that from this relationship. What's so bad about being on your own that putting up with this is a better alternative?

[gamerchick]

Tell him to go back to his mothers until he's able to start contributing financially.

then he can come back.

Don't worry about being on your own.. that always changes eventually.