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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 8 is too young to wear a crop top (in place of a vest)

268 replies

MrsGoslingWannabe · 22/02/2014 00:33

DD wants a "child bra". She means a crop top and said "all the girls in her class have them" (not true). I hate it but I imagine that at PE changing time there is now a discussion over who has them and the fact that those who don't are "showing their boobies". I hate the pressure to conform.

OP posts:
girliefriend · 22/02/2014 00:36

yanbu, I have an 8yo dd and would not buy her those and be very depressed if they were having those sort of discussions already!!

MsMarvel · 22/02/2014 00:38

Yabu. Pick your battles. A crop top is not an adult garment of clothes when worn instead of a vest. I'm assuming she won't be midriff bearing with something on top?

MsMarvel · 22/02/2014 00:39

Yabu. Pick your battles. A crop top is not an adult garment of clothes when worn instead of a vest. I'm assuming she won't be midriff bearing with something on top?

PandaFeet · 22/02/2014 00:41

I don't think 8 is too young.

piratecat · 22/02/2014 00:44

i don't think 8 is young either, for a basic crop top. My dd started her periods at 9 1/2!!

ok she did have slight growth there, and found them comfy. Her friends had them and had no growth there, yet I thought this an ok age.

usualsuspect33 · 22/02/2014 00:47

They are not bras.

MojitoMadness · 22/02/2014 00:51

If she wants one, buy her one. My dds have never worn vests (don't see the need for them, personally). DD1 has been wearing crop tops for school since was 9 and started developing breasts.

YouTheCat · 22/02/2014 00:52

My dd wore crop top vest things at that age. She was beginning to show and it was a better option than one of those awful pre teen bras.

She was 10 when she started her periods. I was 9 and doomed to an awful vest.

Original poster
MrsGoslingWannabe · 22/02/2014 00:54

I know they're not bras. DD never wears a vest but now wants a crop top. What's the point when there's nothing to hide? Their chests are the same as boys' chests.

Gosh, 9.5 to start periods is scary. I was nearly 14 so hopefully DD will be the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsGoslingWannabe · 22/02/2014 00:56

Mojito I'm not going to buy her one just cause she wants one! What kind of attitude is that?! She doesn't have a tablet even though she wants one. I tell her to read instead.

OP posts:
Amy106 · 22/02/2014 01:25

I hate the pressure to conform too but if she felt strongly about it I would probably get her one. She may find that wearing one isn't nearly as comfortable as not wearing one and may stop all on her own.

CorusKate · 22/02/2014 01:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DioneTheDiabolist · 22/02/2014 01:48

It sounds like your DD is beginning to feel self conscious about her body and that's why she is asking for the drop top. I don't understand why you are so adamant that you will not buy her one OP.

DioneTheDiabolist · 22/02/2014 01:49

Oops, crop top, not drop top.Blush

PandaFeet · 22/02/2014 01:55

In a very short time their chests will be different from boys entirely. They are exploring that idea and coming to terms with it in their own way.

I don't agree with giving a child everything it wants, but there's something so utterly personal about this. In a time of scary change, maybe your DD wants to conform. Maybe she wants to feel a part of something, and when everything is starting to be different with her body maybe she would like to feel the same as her peers.

ahlahktuhflomp · 22/02/2014 02:15

YANBU, let children be children and you take care of whether they inadvertently dress like an older girl. :)

ginger66 · 22/02/2014 02:19

I agree with you, MrsGoslingWannabee, getting your child something 'because they want it' is a crap attitude to have and a crap attitude to teach your children. If you hate the pressure of conforming, then just don't conform. I found that when you actually talk to your kids and explain why you don't think certain things are a good idea, that they usually accept it and understand the reasoning. She's old enough to understand about being an individual and, if she gets teased, you can explain to her about standing up for herself.
I find that most of the ridiculous things kids wear is down to their parents, not the kids. Children should really dress as children, not mini adults. My DD is also 8 and isn't at all concerned or interested in chests or boobs. They all want to be the same, your job is to teach them they are all unique ....and to buy nice vests, lol!

Rummikub · 22/02/2014 02:32

I knew that my dd was uncomfortable as they all got changed in the same classroom as the boys at that age. She was happy to wear a vest though. If your dd feels uncomfortable then would she consider a vest?

M&s and tesco do crop tops that aren't flimsy.

betman · 22/02/2014 03:12

I started wearing crop tops at that age, I think most girls in my class did (early 90s). I don't think it's a problem, surely better then her being self conscious?

steff13 · 22/02/2014 03:19

If it was a modesty issue, I'd get it for her.

Innogen · 22/02/2014 03:24

Completely agree with Dione.

Birdsgottafly · 22/02/2014 03:27

I have three DD's, my youngest is 16.

It was around this age that they started to make the transition to being young women.

They all seemed to start to experience nipple pain and/or tingling, so wore a crop type top with slight support.
There can be big difference in a girls chest and a boys, even if no development has started.

It looked better under the school summer dresses.

OP I think that this is something to consider for when she goes back to school in September.

Whilst I agree with keeping children age appropriate, it us important that girls accept the changes to their bodies, without feeling any shame.

Being allowed to make non damaging personal choices, does a lot for self esteem.

You do see girls in the last year of Primary that need a Bra and I am now glad that teaching staff will speak up about this.

I also think it's important not to link underwear or personal grooming to sexuality, they are seperate, both are biological and not linked to Morality.

Remotecontrolduck · 22/02/2014 03:52

What Dione and Panda said. I don't really understand your reasoning OP. Crop tops are for girls her age, not adults. Maybe her nipple/breast area is beginning to hurt but she hasn't told you.

She is growing up even if she hasn't hit puberty yet. It's definitely not the same as something like the latest gadget or toy they want to 'fit in'. I hope you'll loosen up a bit on things like this as she grows up, girls can be absolutely brutal and honestly it really isn't a good idea to make her the 'odd one out' due to wanting to making some point about not giving into peer pressure. Not an issue yet as she's still very young but something to think about.

kmc1111 · 22/02/2014 04:03

At 8 I needed a proper bra and by 9 I was wearing C-cup bras (which were too small, but my mum would only buy 'young' looking bras for me). While my boobs were obviously bigger than average, a lot of my classmates also started developing around that age. It's quite possible a lot of girls in her class actually need a crop top, either for support or because their nipples are becoming really sensitive and they need an extra layer between their top. It's normal to start to want to cover up a bit when puberty hits and it's normal to not want to stand out in a changing room at that age. Just buy her a crop top, she'll probably need one anyway before too long.

steff13 · 22/02/2014 04:23

kmc1111, I was in a B-cup by age 9. It's not easy.

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