to think that 8 is too young to wear a crop top (in place of a vest)

[MrsGoslingWannabe]

DD wants a "child bra". She means a crop top and said "all the girls in her class have them" (not true). I hate it but I imagine that at PE changing time there is now a discussion over who has them and the fact that those who don't are "showing their boobies". I hate the pressure to conform.

my mum sent me to high school in the 80s with a full underslip no bra apparently i didnt need one but a nylon underskirt was just fine god i get ripped to shreds in P E changing rooms for that

Pressure to conform? Jeez, she's hardly stropping because you won't spend a fortune in Jack Wills.
You did realise that the baby you had was going to grow up at some point?

But why wouldn't you buy her one if it makes her feel less self conscious?

It's a crop top and she is 8. It is not a bra or even bra shaped usually and she is not a toddler.

Dd was wearing a proper bra by her 10th birthday and started her period at 10 too.

She may well be starting to feel a bit tingly or sore; this is a normal stage of development. Or maybe she is starting to just feel like she wants to cover up a little bit especially if having to change in front of friends, both boys and girls. Again - a totally normal stage of development.

If it makes her feel more comfortable and less self conscious I really can't see the problem at all.

I don't think yabu at all! I totally agree and will not be buying dd them either. She is aged 8 and no one in her class has them at all yet thankfully. They all wear vests. I can understand if a child is developing etc and needs support, but a child cannot say they'll be more comfortable as they haven't even tried them, they are simply asking as their friends have them. Dd asked me for one the other day as a friend mentioned it (not in her school). I explained she's too young and that was that. If you don't feel okay with it you can't just agree, otherwise it'll never end, next it will be ear piercing or dyeing hair "because the others have". (Obviously if these, like me are things you also think an 8 year old is too young for!)

I'm lucky as most of the mums in dd class are of similar opinion and in no rush to let them grow up too quickly. For a child who is not developing, there is no need for a crop top. Even m&s crop tops now have lace and are sculptured around the chest area. When I was young, they were like a sports bra but the ones I've seen are much more bra like.

I'm not sure what I'd do if dd didnt wear a vest at all though as I'd rather she'd wear something, but mine have always worn vests. What about those nice vests in h&m with the thin straps, they're really nice and a bit more fitted than a normal cotton vest?

Also do the boys and girls get changed together for PE as dd doesn't, boys go in one room, girls in another and have done since starting juniors.

I agree with posters saying she will be aware of her body and maybe feeling a bit self conscious, if it's going to make her feel more comfortable in herself get her them.

I bought DD2 some cute Hello kitty 7-8 cropped tops when I bought her 10y sister her first bras.

I wasn't on MN back then I hadn't the faintest idea that letting DD2 play at being slightly more grown up and not feeling left out was the crime of the century.

I am totally unrepentant

I think it's all very well banging on about 'innocence' and being 'too young' but your child is telling you these things no longer apply to HER - she asking you to provide her with the means to cover up which a) is similar to her peers and b) covers her breast area - because she is telling you she is conscious of this.

Both my older girls (9 and 11) have them - it's not as if she is asking for a basque - it's a bit of cloth that covers her up and yet is less babyish than a vest

I agree with posters who suggested you choose your battles.

Surely it is one of the first principles of parenting is to listen to what our children tell us. Something is making her feeling uncomfortable.

I found it inavaluable with my cowd of teens to tell them that they should pay attention to people and situations that made them feel uncomfortable - they don't ever need another reason to react sensibly.

If she feels like she needs more cover for her body then it is her body and she is allowed to take sensible action to make herself feel less vulnerable.

Lol at jamtoast knowing ABSOLUTELY that no girls wear crop tops and parents don't allow it

I had never considered that there are parents who find crop tops so repellent

How utterly bizarre

I don't think there's anything wrong with them personally, I always though they were for girls of this age. Everyone started wearing them around 8/9 when I was at school and that was 1988! I can see that at that age you might want to cover up a wee bit (even if there's nothing different between boys and girls) and vests can be seen as a bit baby-ish.

there are grown women who are still a little bitter who post on here about their mums not allowing them to do/wear simple things because of their principles at the mother about the full slip and not listening to what their daughters needs were buy your dd a blooming crop top she is telling you something listen to her,

In any case, DD2's class didn't worry about modesty at 7/8 that comes in a year two years later.

My dd had one at that age, I was glad that she was in her own way acknowledging and accepting that in the near future her body would be changing. It gave us an easy way to have a chat about what that might involve.

It's also about the first time that girls have a shared female experience, not all will develop at the same time but it is still a change they will all share at some point, there should be no shame or sense of inappropriateness about that.

t's also about the first time that girls have a shared female experience, not all will develop at the same time but it is still a change they will all share at some point, there should be no shame or sense of inappropriateness about that.

very well put

Definitely get her a crop top, at my daughters school (she is now ten) they have only just (in yr 6) allowed children to change for pe separately, she was starting to be really embarrassed at 8 to be seen with no top on by the boys, (and i like to think we have no hang ups with nudity at home).
Of course she should be allowed, its just a shortened vest anyway! I don't believe any girl should have to wear vests at that age (they are a bit hideous anyway!)

YABU

It's not that you should get it just because she wants it - of course you shouldn't just give kids everything they want. But it is her body and if she is telling you she is uncomfortable taking her top off in front of the boys, don't you think you should respect that? It's not about letting an 8 year old acting like a teenager, it's about teaching your 8 year old that she's entitled to respect and privacy. My DD started wearing crop tops at that age until she was actually ready for a bra.

Another one who thinks op needs to realise how early and quickly girls develop.

Fwiw I started my period at 14. My dd1 started at 11 and I don't think my 10yo is far off either.

But her a crop top. Small thing. And it'll make her happy

Lots of the girls in my class wore crop tops when we were 9-10 and I am 35, so this isn't a new thing. My mum just totally refused to acknowledge that I needed a bra and had started my periods, full stop really. It made my life very awkward and I still don't really understand now why she was like that, as in general, she's a fairly reasonable person. I ended up going out myself and buying what I needed as I got older in terms of bras and tampons etc, as my mum just never mentioned any if it. The only thing she did sort for me were packs of sanitary towels, which would just appear in my room. Never any discussion about it, as if it was all a bit shameful. Very odd.

I do not understand why You would want to make your DD feel uncomfortable, It is not a bra and if she needs/wants a crop top to feel secure and comfortable whilst getting changed for PE then get her one! Yabu and a bit daft.

It will not be long before she does start budding and crop tops are a great transition from Vest to bra (not that my dc ever wore vests from over the age of 3 or 4).

YABU

I have a nearly 9'year old, we had a few weeks of her getting upset in the mornings and her going to school in tears - it was only a couple of mornings and I couldn't quite understand the problem, until I finally managed to get it out of her - she was embarrassed at getting changed in front of everyone for PE, boys and girls get changed together in their classroom and she found it uncomfortable. Bought some crop tops, problem solved.

It's a crop top, to be worn under her clothes, she's not asking for make up and high heels

It's not fair to say no because you don't want her to conform. It's not your body, it's not you changing for PE in front of lots of people. You may not like the way she feels, but her feelings are still valid

And really, what's wrong with buying things just because our kids ask for them sometimes? My house is full of shit my kids have asked for, no one died

oddboots - v good point

What is too grown up or 'sexy' about these?

m.marksandspencer.com/mt/www.marksandspencer.com/5-pack-cotton-rich-crop-tops/p/p22144530

As far as I can see they are just short vests.