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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 8 is too young to wear a crop top (in place of a vest)

268 replies

MrsGoslingWannabe · 22/02/2014 00:33

DD wants a "child bra". She means a crop top and said "all the girls in her class have them" (not true). I hate it but I imagine that at PE changing time there is now a discussion over who has them and the fact that those who don't are "showing their boobies". I hate the pressure to conform.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 24/02/2014 11:48

*As people have said its one less thing for her to worry about and she seems
to be worried about a lot *

aww bless her and you I am glad you came back i really didnt want to like most of us upset you people were just trying to help and make you notice her growing up iyswim I hope you are alright and your little girl is happier soon Smile

Original poster
MrsGoslingWannabe · 24/02/2014 11:59

Thank you for your kind comments. I wish you could advise me on everything else before I make a mess of it all. Sorry, just at rock-bottom and have no sisters or good friends to talk to.

OP posts:
singinggirl · 24/02/2014 12:09

Then post away, and people will try and help. I've had some great advice and support from mumsnet - often over little things that had grown out of all proportion. But chat is often much gentler than AIBU!

Stinklebell · 24/02/2014 12:11

I think most of us are just feeling around in the dark hoping that we don't mess up too badly.

Don't feel too badly

WaxingGibbon · 24/02/2014 12:11

yes singing's right, MrsG start a new thread in chat

SomethingkindaOod · 24/02/2014 12:15

Some days I grade my cock ups from 'that didn't turn out too badly' to 'we're all still alive'...
We're all learning really and it's handy to have people who don't know us to point out other options and alternatives Smile
But chat really is gentler most of the time!

onepieceoflollipop · 24/02/2014 12:17

MrsGosling, this thread has been helpful to me as well. (my dds are 10 and 6)
we had kind of the opposite in our house, I just offered dd1 a crop top and she squirmed a bit and said she didn't want to talk about it. Later she said that she and her friends had been talkings about their "doughnuts" (their words) growing, but they don't want crop tops yet.
I have also deliberately put a selection of tampons and pads in their bathroom cupboard (as well as my ensuite) to make things more accessible/familiar.
Like others who have posted, I had a hard time as a teen and find these things difficult in real life.
Be pleased that your dd felt able to ask, maybe take her to buy one after school one day or at weekend. I hope I can enjoy these little changes with my dd, and have the odd little trip to buy stuff she needs.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 24/02/2014 12:24

Hey, don't take anything on here too personally MrsG Smile
Sometimes the OP just gets things started and then people begin to explore some quite deep personal issues, like NeedsMore experienced when she was growing up.
But obviously it doesn't mean that your dd's experience would be anywhere in that league.

I could do with some advice in this area myself as my dd(14) is quite private and independent. I wish she'd talk with me more and ask for anything specific she needs or wants to help her through the teenage years.

If MN has helped you with this one then that's what we're here for.

Whereisegg · 24/02/2014 12:25

Oh MrsG, post away, there's lots of us hereSmile

KatnipEvergreen · 24/02/2014 12:43

I bought one for my 8 year old in the summer of Y3, now is in Y4- at the moment she tends to wear a vest anyway, or a crop top AND a vest, as I think you need a vest until it stops being chilly- I wear one over a bra.

At first I was like "I don't think it's necessary" but when she said the reason was that she felt self-conscious of taking her top off in front of the boys when they get changed for PE- esp in summer when she wouldn't be wearing a vest under her polo shirt- that was what swung it for me. She isn't developing at all (some girls in her class are) but it doesn't matter- if she is at the stage when she wants to cover up then it's fine by me.

I got some John Lewis ones that are literally crop tops and nothing like a first bra at all. Just like a mini vest really.

Peanutsandwine · 24/02/2014 12:50

My DD needed one at 8/9 as she trained hard at PE and was getting nasty heat rash on her chest as well as sore nipples from scratching against the material. A vest would have been ridiculous in the summer, but a pure cotton crop top under her sports kit and uniform with a good layer of cooling aloe gel underneath = perfect.

She is now 11 and sometimes still wears one, sometimes now.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 24/02/2014 12:56

Helpful to me too mrs G. If my dd1 came to me in 2 years' time and asked for one I probably would have said no. I wouldn't have realised what might have been behind the request and much as I'm not looking forward to losing my little girl, it's be far far worse if she felt she couldn't come to me.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 24/02/2014 12:57

That makes me sound a bit of a saddo. I don't mean I sit here weeping in advance for when she grows up Blush

Original poster
MrsGoslingWannabe · 24/02/2014 13:02

Thanks again MNetters Smile

OP posts:
pointythings · 24/02/2014 13:03

We're all here, though it might be helpful to post in Chat rather than AIBU for a more peaceful experience.

We all just muddle along, but it's good to know MN is there. Often I don't even have to ask the question because there will be a thread about whatever is bothering me which will help me out. I have a moody 13yo at the moment and it's bloody tricky at times - MN is gradually teaching me when I should back off and when I should try to help.

KatnipEvergreen · 24/02/2014 13:05

I got a sort of cropped top for myself. Sainsbury's comfort bra. I'm not massive of boob (34C) - has some support in and gives a nice shape. Just a nice break from wearing wires all the time.

lottieandmia · 24/02/2014 13:18

I'm glad you decided to get her some MrsGosling. It reminded me that my 12 year old is just about at the stage where she needs bras now. She's quite severely autistic and will not at any point ask so I have to make the decision for her. So I've been educating myself over the weekend about back sizes for young girls etc. my 10 year old only asked to start wearing cropped tops a few months ago. I had expected her to ask before but she goes to a girls school so perhaps the PE thing was not so much of an issue before.

Fannydabbydozey · 24/02/2014 14:28

I stumbled across this thread and I'm so, so grateful. Before reading, if my 8 y/o dd had asked for a crop top I would have said "don't be daft, there's nothing to hide."

Now I know to be much more sensitive to her needs/wants to do with her body. She's a sensitive soul drama queen at the best of times so thanks all for opening my eyes to looking beyond the request. She's getting little buds (and was googling about boobies...) so perhaps a conversation is due.

mrsjay · 24/02/2014 15:47

mrsG I honestly think we all wing it and no child comes with a manual well not one that works anyway Grin most of what i say is hindsight do keep posting we are all here for each other but the suggestion of chat is probably better for you,

Pimpf · 24/02/2014 20:49

When I was wailing about my baby growing up and needing stuff like this a very wise friend reminded me its just the next stage of growing up. We were excited when she was potty trained, when she gave up the bottle/dummy and when she started school etc etc, this is just the next step

Well it helped me anyway!

Droflove · 24/02/2014 20:55

I think maybe 9-10 is a good age to wear a crop top under clothes. Then a bra probably from 11-13 depending on want/need. Could you ask her to wait till 9 and promise her one then?

Original poster
MrsGoslingWannabe · 25/02/2014 21:28

Ha! Thanks for that Katnip (about your Sainsbury's crop top!)

Glad you found the thread useful Fanny.

Bought crop tops today, DD was pleased but I still feel a bit uneasy. I'll get over it though and she'll prob hate them in the summer anyway!

OP posts:
pointythings · 25/02/2014 21:45

Droflove RTFT.

MrsG, well, I've just come back from an overnight for work to find DD1 (13) has started her periods. She stayed awake so she could talk to me about it, but (yay!) also felt confident enough to talk to DH about it. Another day, another milestone... You've done the right thing, your DD's blossoming confidence will help you get over it. Flowers

FudgefaceMcZ · 25/02/2014 22:33

Ah we are kind of the other way round in that I have been offering 12yo crop tops/training bra for the last year (she told me some girls in her class were wearing bras in P7, and I offered her one then, but she said she didn't need or want, and is only just now starting to develop very slightly) and she has refused and insisted on vests. I think it's very hard to balance (especially when a lot of us will have had crap experiences with our own mums- mine not as bad as some here but still refused to get bras until I was 16 despite probably 'needing' one since age 13, haranguing me to use tampons which I found painful until I was 18ish because sanitary towels were 'disgusting', and buying us boys pants which did cause bullying in PE though I blame bullies as much because ffs it's just pants) not wanting girls to be sexualised and wanting to let them grow up and feel ownership of their bodies.

I think the only thing you can do is have an open discussion with her, explaining why you think it's important not to let others pressurise you, but let her make the decision. Which I see you have done, so sounds like you are doing well.