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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 8 is too young to wear a crop top (in place of a vest)

268 replies

MrsGoslingWannabe · 22/02/2014 00:33

DD wants a "child bra". She means a crop top and said "all the girls in her class have them" (not true). I hate it but I imagine that at PE changing time there is now a discussion over who has them and the fact that those who don't are "showing their boobies". I hate the pressure to conform.

OP posts:
MrsMook · 22/02/2014 05:44

Some of our Brownies are showing signs of development at that age. I'd say a crop top is age appropriate and can be worn sensibly to fit in even if her development is later than other girls, whereas a bra is linked more to development. I had crop tops and bras long before I "needed" them, and wore them part time until I was 14 and had a nasty classmate who thought it was deeply witty to call me ironing board because he could see there was nothing through my shirt. From that day, I always wore something even though it wasn't anatomically necessary. That age development zone is a very sensitive time for long term body confidence.

Talk to her. She may be reassured that now is not the time, or she may be more comfortable having one to fit in.

wigglesrock · 22/02/2014 06:22

I hate the pressure to conform it's not about you. Your daughter is 8 (my eldest daughter is 8 too), she has asked for a piece of underwear that makes her feel comfortable.

My dd has been in crop tops for almost a year now, traditional vests weren't "comfy" tucked in, she needed something as some of her tops were "itchy" on her skin. She gets the racer back ones, she's very slight across the back & they were the most comfortable. She gets hers in Primark or M&S. M&S have a 5 pack for £6 I think. They're not moulded or shaped - they're just short vests.

Defnotsupergirl · 22/02/2014 06:32

Purely from a dignity whilst changing in front of her friends at this "child but changing time" would make me want her to be as comfortable as possible. Buy the crop top, one less thing for her to worry about and allows her to concentrate on the important stuff at school not on what she may look like.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/02/2014 06:37

I was in a bra by 9. If cropped tops aren't for 8 year olds who are they for? Older girls wouldn't wear them, they'd be in bras

post · 22/02/2014 06:42

And she's been able to ask you, rather than feel too embarrassed. I'm all for not rushing into growing up, but I don't think that wanting to slow them down is helpful either!

When you say, 'hopefully she'll be 14 when she starts her periods like me', I do know what you mean, dd is (just) 10 and I'm loving these last 'little girl' years, but I'd hate to think that she thought that I was dreading her growing up. I want her to feel that I'm as excited and loving and accepting of her as she goes through puberty as I was when she took her first steps, I want her to be able to ask me for tampons and bras and advice on contraception and relationships when the time comes.

I could never ask my mum about those things. I always felt like she was a bit embarrassed/ there was something a bit distasteful to her about my growing up.

Not saying this is true for you, but maybe worth having a look at?

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 22/02/2014 06:43

YABU not to get her one. It's not too young at all. I still had to get changed in the same classroom as the boys at 8 (we had separate changing rooms in years 5 and 6 though) and it is embarrassing.

They're becoming more body concious and even if they're not visibly going through puberty, they're nipples will be more sensitive and they'll be more aware of their body than before. I can guarantee that most of her friends will be wearing crop tops - it's the natural step between a vest/nothing and a trainer bra. Please don't make her feel even more conscious over going through puberty than she already is.

Springcleanish · 22/02/2014 06:53

My DD starting wearing a crop top at this age, she didn't like changing in the same room as the boys, felt self conscious as she felt that some of them had begun 'looking' at the girls as they changed. The teacher spoke to everyone about this, but it doesn't alter the fact that kids this age are interested in and sometimes experiencing body changes. Better for her to feel secure and confident wearing a crop top than self conscious and overly body aware without one.

QueenofLouisiana · 22/02/2014 07:01

Yep, if they are changing together I think she may want to feel more covered. She may not be changing on the outside yet, but clearly she is inside.

If it is going to make her feel more comfortable changing for PE, I don't see an issue. Most of my yr 4 girls wore them last year- I'd be amazed if my yr5 girls don't know (they change in the loos, so I don't know).

justsodamntired · 22/02/2014 07:02

Yabu

You don't want to conform but your daughter does.

I loathe it when parents make their children potential targets for teasing and bullying because of their beliefs. It's under her clothes, it's her body, she's the one who will stand out. What harm will it do you really?Confused

You may not like the world she's growing up in (i understand your feelings completely) but she's the one who has to live in it. Don't make life harder for her.

RobinSparkles · 22/02/2014 07:03

YABU! I needed a proper bra from age 9 so how is 8 too young to wear a crop top?

shazbean · 22/02/2014 07:05

Interesting.
I also think it's not too young. I know I encourage my child to see her body as belonging to her, if she wants to be private then it's OK.

And to teach her the difference between when it's OK to run about half naked I.e. On the beach and when it isn't I.e. At school.

So the fact your child is choosing to cover up and feels that it's appropriate to wear a crop top to do so isn't a bad thing. A crop top isn't a bra, it's a piece of cotton to cover her upper body. Does she wear a bikini?

It's us as adults who put labels on these things...yes some are inappropriate but a cotton top under her school clothes is not the same thing at all.

Hope that ramble makes some sense!

SanityClause · 22/02/2014 07:18

I remember as a child being told that I didn't have to be like everyone else. I knew it was true, but it didn't stop me feeling miserable about, in effect, being forced by my mother to be different.

ProcessYellowC · 22/02/2014 07:20

YABU

I thought it was in lieu of a vest (my first ones were) but then realised she isn't wearing a vest. It doesn't matter when her breasts develop; she and her friends aware of the modesty issue now of showing their chests (rightly or wrongly) and no matter what you do, you can't unwind that.

And "nothing to hide" is an awful comment, I still remember my mum saying it to me circa 2 decades ago when I'd get flustered changing on the beach.

froubylou · 22/02/2014 07:22

Buy her the croptops. I started periods in y6 and had visible breasts from y5.

My dd is 9 now but has been wearing croptops in place of vests since she was 7. I don't like to think of her being self conscious getting changed for pe. Whether she is different or not to the boys in her class is irrelevant. She feels different.

SillyTilly123 · 22/02/2014 09:29

My dds ( 10, 5 and nearly 4) rarely wear vests, however I always make sure they have on one on PE days. My 10yo has started wearing croptops but if I forget to put one on her then she will not change in front of the boys and has to go to the loos. I think that is fair enough, its ok to be shy about your body (I am, I would not get dressed in communal changing rooms)

Your poor dd must be so embarrassed getting changed in front of the boys (and girls) especially if she doesnt wear a vest.

thegreatgatsby101 · 22/02/2014 09:34

Buy them. For Goodness sake.
You are being completely unreasonable. If a crop top isn't for a 9 year old, who is it for? Older girls will be wearing bras?!
She will very soon be coming to an age where her body does change and trying to keep her a 'little girl' forever will do her no favours.

mrsjay · 22/02/2014 09:35

my 20 yr old wore crop tops at 9 she didnt like vests at all as they were to babyish yabu I think it is just a piece of clothing to go under clothes it isnt a bra they are not even bra shape,

mrsjay · 22/02/2014 09:37

It's us as adults who put labels on these things...yes some are inappropriate but a cotton top under her school clothes is not the same thing at all.

THAT !

LadySybilVimes · 22/02/2014 09:37

Looking at this from a slightly different perspective, I had developed breasts by the time I was 9. When the other girls started wearing crop tops I felt so much better about myself as I didn't feel abnormal.

It's a way of pretending to be more grown up. Just like wearing mums high heels when you are a toddler. Let her do it. Why is it a problem? It's just a short vest.

Oldraver · 22/02/2014 09:43

Your child is telling you she is starting to feel self concious about herself. Please listen to this and put her feelings before your desire to 'not conform'

CaptainSinker · 22/02/2014 09:45

I remember being teased about not having a crop top aged 9 or 10. My Mum refused to get one but provided me with some handy pithy comebacks which were the start of my being bullied for the rest of my time at school.

You don't want to conform. So don't conform. But let your daughter negotiate her development in a way that works for her. Totally agree with the sentiment that a crop to is just a short vest that lets pre-pubescent girls do a bit of pretending. There will be girls who have some breast development and maybe your daughter doesn't want to seem babyish next to them?

diddl · 22/02/2014 09:45

If she's still wearing a vest, she might be desperate to get rid of that!

I don't think mine wore one past Kindergarten age tbh, just tshirts instead.

Can't see the problem if she's wanting to cover her nipples tbh & in the summer when vests aren't needed, what then?

mrsjay · 22/02/2014 09:46

what old raver just said your little girl is telling you she wants to cover up listen to her it is not about what you want, she is asking for a cotton under top get her it, if it was a thong i would see your point op but it isn't

treas · 22/02/2014 09:46

My dd didn't start to wear crop tops until she was 11 yo and had begun to 'bud' as she wasn't bothered until that point.

However, had she begun to feel self conscious prior to this age then I would have allowed her to wear them - after all I wouldn't want to harm her self esteem for my principles.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/02/2014 09:46

YABU, I hope you're at the shops with your DD.

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