to ask whether we were being grabby with our own wedding invites?

[polythenespam]

Having read so many threads on this since getting married, I'm worrying a bit that we did the wrong thing and would appreciate honest replies (hence here in AIBU!)

Ok, so we had a very small family wedding (only 16 guests, all of whom were close family - parents; siblings & partners; aunts & uncles.)

DH and I had only lived together for a year before getting married, and being a bit cash-strapped too there were things we "needed" for our home (well, nobody needs a new set of saucepans or to replace their threadbare towels, but it was more of a traditional setting up home together scenario if you see what I mean.)

However we didn't really like the traditional wedding gift list idea - there always seems to be slightly odd items on them in order to cater for all budgets - so what we did was register a wedding gift card with Debenhams. The idea being that guests can contribute money onto it, and then obviously you can spend as you wish.

We put little information cards about it in with the invites, people were very generous and we were able to buy lots of lovely things for our home.

But I am worried now that we did the wrong thing by a)including info with the invites, and b)by effectively asking for money

Given that it was all close family, were we being grabby?

I agree families, and it is actually considered good etiquette to send a gift if you are invited, even if you do not attend the wedding. I would only consider it grabby if they asked for expensive items and did not give any inexpensive choices.

My wedding was a free bar but I was annoyed that my friends were charged for their drinks. Blip, obviously, and no way would they have minded but I was embarrassed that they might have thought we wouldn't provide drinks for them. They had paid to travel 300-400 miles and to stay overnight least I could do was feed and water them.

The only problem was putting it in with the invites. People usually ask what you want, or if you have a list, and I think asking for contributions to a gift card is a great idea.

My friends put one of those 'we don't want whatever shit gift you were thinking of getting us, give us cash' poems in with their invite, years ago, and I still get annoyed when I think about it - but if they'd said they would like money for xyz when asked that would have been fine.